To Be in Her Light
by sunflowersongs
Summary: Complete - Set in Regency period England, Edward Masen, Viscount Cullen finds himself falling for his children's governess Miss Isabella Swan, but their stations in life, his rocky past, and a dark family secret might not lead to happiness.
1. Prologue

**I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, but the contents of this story belong to me. **

**Love and many thanks to my beta, Rhi. **

**Since I'm going to leave this posted on the site, I'm fixing it a bit, cleaning it up a little. No major changes, just some tweaking.**

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**To Be in Her Light**

**Prologue**

I stood in the hallway at the top of the great staircase.

My decision had been a long time coming. I loved that flawed, broken, sad, beautiful man. He was the other half of my soul. I would literally walk through fire for him. He had pushed me away, begged me to go. He had said he wasn't good enough for me.

Well then, I would good enough for both of us.

I walked with purpose down the carpeted hallway. The swish of my skirts and my cloak against my legs were reminders of my carriage trip to get here to him. I wasted no time in even taking off my hat or cloak or gloves. I was too high strung. Too much had happened between Edward and I. Too much needed to happen. Too much needed to be said.

I grasped the handle to his door and turned. The scene that greeted me did not surprise me nor encourage me, and it did not change my resolve.

I stepped into his large master bedroom, closing the door and quietly locking it behind me. Neither one of us were leaving this room until this was settled. I then took notice of the room.

He had undressed carelessly. His Hessians pulled off and lying on the floor. His tailcoat, waistcoat, and cravat thrown towards the bed, but missed and lay on the floor beside it. His shirt was untucked over his pantaloons and unbuttoned most of the way.

There he was. My beautiful, flawed, foolish man. He was slouched in a great wooden chair with a burgundy cushion. His legs were spread, feet bare, and his arms hanging down from the chair arms with his sleeves carelessly rolled up. His left hand, I noticed, held a glass of scotch. The mostly empty decanter was sitting on floor beside the chair. I frowned at that. His head was down, staring at the floor, and as usual, his glorious bronze hair was a mess.

I wondered why he did not look up when I walked in. He must have thought me his valet, Simms.

I walked up until I was almost standing between his knees.

Finally realizing it was _not_ Simms, Edward's brow furrowed, and he looked up. His expression was of a man who had gambled and lost everything. His eyes looked at me, but seemed to look through me as if not seeing me, as if I were a ghost.

He thought he was too late, that he had lost me, and he had forgone all hope.

This was not going to be easy, I thought.

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**Hope you enjoy my English Regency period drama!**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	2. Irritation

**Much, much thanks to Rhi for being a truly amazing beta.**

**I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do however own Lord Cullen. **

**Some background information. This is set in Regency period in England in the year 1816. George III was King. He was ruled mentally unfit in the last decade of his reign, so his eldest son, the Prince Regent ruled in his place. The British had just defeated Napoleon at Waterloo. The British Empire was one of the world's great imperial powers. In British nobility a Viscount falls below an Earl and above a Baron. I have tried to make this as accurate as possible. There is no Viscount Cullen or Ward Hall. This is literary license, of course. **

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**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 1: Irritation**

I, Edward Anthony Masen, 6th Viscount Cullen of Ward Hall, was annoyed.

I stood on the slight hill in the back of the garden and looked over my home and property. The estate flourished. I glanced around at the well kept formal gardens, the maze, the orchard, and then the path that ran down to the well-stocked lake. It was spring, the flowers were blooming and the trees budding. I could hear birds singing, and the sun was shining.

_Blast it all_, I thought sourly.

I looked toward my home Ward Hall. I had inherited it along with the title of Viscount Cullen after the death of my father, Carlisle. I was now addressed as My Lord. I found that both amusing and irritating. My father had been a great man. I was not a great man. I couldn't even call myself a _good _man. I was without either the disposition or inclination to be a good man.

I thought of my twenty-seven years on this earth so far. What good had I ever done? I had lived a debauched life of gambling, drinking, endless women, and no regrets. I had wounded my mother and father to the point that my relationship with them had been almost beyond repair.

My father's sudden death last year had left me with the hereditary title and responsibilities I never wanted. The estate, the house, the servants...I didn't want any of it, but I had no choice. It was my duty, and by God, if my father had taught me anything that ever stuck with me, or that I wasn't too stubborn to ignore, it was that you did your duty.

_Duty_.

Well, that explained my two children living here. Most likely, they were already destroying the nursery this morning. The hellions. I could never understand how a four and seven-year-old could cause so much trouble. They were illegitimate, of course. By blows of two of my countless affairs. I would do my duty by them, though, by God. They would be raised with the best education and given the best opportunities in life with good marriages arranged for them.

Children, I was not one to spend time with children. They scared me actually with their wanting attention, and seemed to always have sticky fingers and silly questions. No. Children were best avoided.

This brought me to what was annoying me this morning: the governess, Miss Isabella Swan.

I slapped my riding crop against my boot.

Miss Swan. I'd had peace in my life before she came. I'd done what I had to each day: I had put my nose to the grindstone and took care of the estate business. If my life had been permanent darkness, then I chose to ignore it.

I had left the duty of hiring a governess up to my housekeeper, Mrs. Stowe. I found her to be a competent woman, and I didn't have to deal with it myself. She had looked over recommendations and decided upon Miss Swan. Oh, how I wish I had taken care of that myself now. I could be in the dark again, instead of blinded by her light.

The first time I had met her, I had been in my study and had requested her presence so we may discuss the girls education. I had been working on some correspondence and hadn't heard her walk in. A clearing of the throat had made me raise my head in absolute astonishment that someone dare interrupt me. I was nobility. One waited until _I_ addressed _them_.

I had been met by a pair of velvety brown eyes set in a beautiful, small face. She'd had the loveliest clear skin, pink lips, and a slightly pointed, stubborn-looking chin. Her chestnut hair was pulled back and braided into a coronet around her head. Not a fashionable style for the period, but efficient enough. A petite woman, but the blue and white striped morning dress she had been wearing had not hidden that she possessed womanly curves.

In short, perfection.

It had been as if hell itself had summoned this perfect woman there to torment me. Why? I had tried to mend my ways. I no longer caroused, drank to oblivion, or gambled away my inheritance. I had been trying to raise those hellions of mine with the best I could give them. Why this woman?

Then that angel of torment had spoken, and I found myself lost in her voice that sounded like music.

"You wished to see me, Lord Cullen?"

I had quickly stood. "Yes, forgive me. Have a seat, Miss Swan."

She sat down, and then I did the same, placing my elbows on desk steepling my fingers, just touching my chin. I had gazed at her for a moment, lost in that face and those eyes that looked like they held the answers to all my questions. She had held my eyes and seemed perplexed at my perusal. If she'd only known the thoughts in my mind at that moment, she would have run from me immediately. I had tried to gather what was left of my scattered thoughts so I could address her.

"Yes, Miss Swan, if you would be so kind as to explain to me the educational program you have mapped out for my children."

She then explained, what sounded like to me, a satisfactory learning schedule.

"Mrs. Stowe has explained your salary and duties?"

"Yes, my Lord. They are satisfactory."

"And your room, Miss Swan? Does that meet with your approval?"

"I am most pleased with my accommodations, my Lord."

"Good, you do not have to take meals in the nursery. You may join me for meals if you wish, Miss Swan."

"I really do not mind, my Lord."

"Oh, but _I_ mind. Your meals will be with me, Miss Swan. That is all. Please let me know if you require anything."

I had stood and walked around my desk and offered her my hand. She'd tentatively placed her warm hand into mine. That small hand, the fingers barely touching me, had been my undoing. Nothing had ever been the same after that first touch. Nothing for me after that day, after I had seen her face and touched her, would ever be the same again.

She had stood and slipped her fingers from mine. "Good day, my Lord," she had said, then walked out the door with her shoulders straight and did not glance back.

I had watched her depart and then slumped down onto the chair she had recently occupied. Why had I done that? Order her to take meals with me? Then I would be tormented with her presence three times a day. What had I been doing? She was just slightly above a servant. I could have no intentions towards her, none at all. She was of too much respect to dally with and not of the same lineage or class for me to marry.

She was forbidden fruit. She was my punishment, then. My angel sent to torment me and show me what I could not have.

I had laughed at the cruelty of God. Perhaps that was fitting. I had never done anything in my life to deserve a good woman like Miss Swan. I had walked over to the decanter and poured myself a brandy. Drink had been my only one true friend, besides Jasper and Emmett, I had ever had. It shall become my friend again, I had mused.

There had been a knock on the study door and I sighed. "Enter."

"A package arrived for you, my Lord," Peters, the butler, said and laid a parcel on my desk. He had turned to leave, but I stopped him.

"Peters. What do you know of this Miss Swan?"

"I'm sure Mrs. Stowe would be better able to answer that question, my Lord."

"I don't mean her qualifications. I mean, does she fit in here? Does the staff like her? Does she seem happy here?"

Peters had been the butler at Ward Hall for thirty years. He had also been my father's- and now my- confidant.

He had raised both his eyebrows and gave me an appraising look. "My Lord, if I may speak freely?"

I nodded. "Of course, Peters. Always."

"She is the governess, my Lord. She works for her living. She fits in because she has no choice. The staff find her most agreeable, and as for her being happy, I am unaware, as it should be, of her personal feelings."

"Of course, Peters."

"But, my Lord, if I may say this?"

I nodded again.

"The children adore her. The nursery maid sings her praises and...and Miss Swan, well, she's _good_, my Lord."

The implication, and he would be correct, was that I was not.

I had looked at Peters who had been studying the painting hanging on the wall beside my desk.

"Yes. Of course. Am I then beyond redemption, Peters?"

"No one is beyond redemption." He met my eyes. "Will that be all, my Lord?"

"Yes. No. Tell Cook that Miss Swan will be joining me for her meals."

"Very good, my Lord." Peters had left and shut the door, leaving me to my brandy and musings.

I was still lost in remembrance of that day, the day my life changed. The day my torment began. Miss Swan, she _was_ good. She was light and joy and fascinating to me. I admit, I had become obsessed with her. I tried very hard to hide this by being rude and abrupt with her. I'm sure she found me to be a monumental ass, and that was good for I was bad for her. I could not let her know my attraction to her, my fascination with her, my esteem of her, my adoration of her. She must never know, for I was not good enough for Miss Swan. I would not take her light and snuff it out with my darkness.

Voices broke into my musing.

_Damn and blast_.

Striding up from the lake path came my tormenting angel herself along with my daughters. I thought to escape, but they had already seen me. I stood with a scowl on my face and waited for them to approach me. I noticed my children were a bit of a mess. Adele, my seven-year-old, born of a French mother, held her sister's hand. She was headstrong, witty and wise beyond her years, and a total schemer. Needless to say, she was a handful. My youngest, Katherine- or Katie- was bright, sunny, and very affectionate. Needless to say, she terrified me. I couldn't handle her endlessly cheerful disposition.

Adele had a large streak of mud across her face, and the skirt of her dress was torn, her petticoat showing. Katie's hat was askew, and she had grass stains on her dress. Blades of grass seemed to be attached to her everywhere. What in the world had these two been up to now? I wondered with a sigh.

Then I turned my attention to Miss Swan. She had taken off her hat and was walking with a spring in her step, swinging said hat. In her other hand was a sketchpad. She too seemed to have grass on her morning dress of a soft blue color. A dark blue shawl was draped around her shoulders. I loved her in blue. I wondered, did she not own a walking-out dress? I had only seen her in six dresses. I bet that's almost all she owns.

They approached me, Miss Swan and Katie smiling, Adele just nodding at me gravely.

"Adele, Katie, what have you two been up to? I swear if you have been giving Miss Swan grief, I will send you to bed without supper again."

"My Lord, it was my fault. I took the girls on a nature walk to look at flowers and insects. And, well, if one wants to observe insects, one must get down to their level, don't you think?" She gave me an amused look that nearly made me smile.

_No, Edward. Remember. Do not encourage friendliness_.

As coldly as I could, I said, "Adele, Katie, you will retire to the nursery where you shall have a bath and change of clothes. Adele, I expect you to mend your dress. I will be up in one hour to inspect you. Go."

Adele gave me a defiant look, but took her sister's hand and turned and marched back up the garden pathway to the house.

I watched them walk away, and then turned to Miss Swan. She had a look of anger on her face, but quickly replaced it with a bland expression. "If you will excuse me, my Lord, I shall retire and repair my appearance as well."

I held her eyes, loving the fire that was burning in them. Then it came to me, as if she could be any more perfect, she _cared_ for my little hellions. She was _angry_ at me for being so abrupt with them. I titled my head and studied her. Her eyebrows scrunched together, and she gave me an odd look.

She had one small daisy tucked above her left ear. Unable to stop my hand anymore than I could the tide on the ocean, I reached out and gently plucked the daisy from her hair. The tips of my fingers- oh so briefly- touched her cheek, and then I slowly drew the daisy across her face and touched her lips. A shocked look crossed her face, and her cheeks bloomed in blush.

Now that was beautiful.

With one last look of confusion, she turned and fled up the pathway after the girls.

I sighed and glanced at the daisy I held, admiring how happy, joyous, dainty, and beautiful it was - exactly like the glorious woman I had just taken it from. I then slowly raised it to my lips and kissed it, wishing it had been her lips instead. I very carefully tucked in into the breast pocket of my jacket close to my heart. I then turned and begin leisurely strolling back up to the house.

_What have I done_? I thought in dismay. I'll be lucky if she doesn't pack up her bags and leave at my forwardness.

_You fool. You bloody idiot_. You're supposed to be _ignoring_ her, not caressing her with flowers.

I felt great despair and prayed to God she didn't leave. Not that God would ever listen to me.

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**Ward Hall is loosely based on Stowe House located Stowe, Buckinghamshire, England.**

**Thanks so much for reading! **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	3. Realization

**Love and thanks to my beta Rhi.**

**As usual, I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Viscount Cullen, however, is all mine.**

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**To Be In Her Light**

**Chapter 2: Realization**

I ran up the back servant's stairs and into my bedroom on the second floor, slamming the door shut, and leaning back against it. I was trembling and holding my hand to my mouth.

Dear, Lord! What had just happened out in the garden? Lord Cullen... he...when he...oh so briefly touched my cheek and plucked the daisy from my hair. That intense look in those greenish-gray eyes as he had trailed the daisy across my cheek and lips had nearly been my undoing.

Why had he done that? I was afraid of the answer.

His intentions toward me could not be proper. I was no more than a servant in his home. He was a peer of the realm who sat in the House of Lords, for heaven's sake. I could be nothing to him, except, perhaps, a mistress.

No. I could never be that; I am a virtuous woman. The only man that will ever touch me will be my husband. Did he think to make me his mistress? Well, he was mistaken. I was not that kind of woman. I may not have great beauty or wealth or been born into nobility, but I had respect for myself and pride and my good name. I wouldn't trade that. Not even for the most handsome man I had ever seen. Not even for the most fascinating man I'd ever met. No, not even for him.

I must tread carefully. I loved this position in Ward Hall and cared for the girls. I made a very good salary of three hundred pounds a year, a veritable fortune, which I could send mostly back to Aunt Clara to keep her in comfort. I would not allow him to take my virtue simply because of his wealth and power.

I slipped off my dress and laid it on the back of a chair. I then slipped off my shoes and got in bed. I lay down on my side in just my shift on my counterpane, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my head on my folded hands.

I thought of my life so far. I was twenty-two years old, and firmly on the shelf.

That I was still unwed had been my choice. I'd had offers from respectable men. Michael Welch, the local butcher in the village I was from, had a small house and lived there with his mother and sister. He had offered for me the last time I went back to visit Aunt Clara for Christmas. I could have had a decent life with him. But I had not loved him. And I could not abide his bossy mother and nosy sister. No, he had not been for me.

Two others had offered for my hand over the years, but marriage was for life, and I could not in good conscious marry a man I did not love simply to be comfortable. To sleep in his bed every night. Have him touch me. Bear his children. All the while dreaming of that man out there that could make me feel alive. That would be the other part of me.

Perhaps this was silly and foolish school girl dreams of romance, but I was, by nature, a dreamer. I could not live a colorless life with a dull, but good man.

I wondered how my life would have been if my parents had lived. They had been killed in a boating accident when I was eight years old. I had been with them as my father took us out sailing for the day.

My father had been a local merchant, and we had been respectable people with two servants. My father's boat had been his pride and joy. My father had loved to sail. That fateful day that he, my mother, Renee, and I went out sailing had started out as a lovely day. We had sailed some ways out, and Papa had been turning the boat to head us back toward shore, when we had seen the storm clouds rolling in. The rest was a nightmare I had tried to forget. I do not know to this day how I survived, but survive I did.

To this day, I will not set foot near the ocean, any significant body of water, actually. Which is what eventually led to my being here at Ward Hall.

When my parents had died, I had been sent to live with my Aunt Clara. She was my father's aunt and a very sweet lady. She had a small cottage in the village of Wickham, and I had been sent to do my lessons with the local Baron's children. For that, I was truly grateful.

In this time, it was not deemed necessary that woman receive an education beyond sewing, cooking, and other household duties. My own Aunt Clara declared that she'd never read a book in her life. But I craved learning. I loved books and was permitted the rare opportunity borrow books from the Baron's library, which I happily availed myself of.

I wondered at the short-sightedness of a society that only educated the wealthy, and then, mostly the men. I felt I had a keen mind, and it was a shame that in this time that I lived, the world had very little use for it.

When I had turned eighteen, the Baroness told me she had a cousin in need of a governess for his three children. She had recommended me, and I then gained employment. I had enjoyed the teaching, though the wages were not good, being only thirty pounds a year, and it had been a difficult situation being I was neither of the family nor a servant.

It was a strange wilderness that we governesses lived in.

I had taught at Compton House for almost four years. That was until Mrs. Greenslade had sent for me one day with the news of their departure.

"Miss Swan, now that the war with Napoleon is over, Mr. Greenslade and I are taking the children to the continent. You may travel with us, if you wish, and continue their education."

A boat. I would have to take a boat. No. That was not possible.

"I'm sorry, m'lady, but I will not be able to accompany you. I will look for another position immediately. If you would be so kind as to give me a reference, I would be in your debt."

"Miss Swan, I thought you might say no, so I took the liberty of checking around for you. It seems Viscount Cullen is looking for a governess for his...children. Ah, the situation is somewhat unorthodox with the girls being…born on the wrong side of the blanket, so to speak. But, it is at Ward Hall, a fine estate, and his father had been a great man. If you're still interested, then you may contact his housekeeper, Mrs. Stowe, who is doing the hiring for him."

I contemplated this. I had heard of Viscount Cullen, both of them. The current Lord Cullen's father was reported to have been one of the finest man people had ever met. It was rumored his marriage had not only been advantageous, as his wife was the daughter of an Earl, but it had also been a true love match. Unheard of in aristocratic circles.

I had also heard that Lady Cullen had been so distraught over the death of her beloved husband that she refused to live at Ward Hall because of the memories. She now resided with her daughter, the current Viscount Cullen's sister at her home with her husband, Colonel Whitlock, lately returned from the peninsula and the war with Napoleon.

His son Edward, the heir, on the other hand was rumored to not be a good man. He was known among the _ton_ as _The Cold One_. No one could touch him. I had heard that he was haughty, rude, and proud. It was also rumored that he'd had countless affairs, kept a mistress, gambled, and drank too much.

Apparently no respectable woman had been able to break through his shell. He made no designs to marry and settle down. He refused all advances from debutantes and their hovering mothers anxious to make advantageous marriages for their daughters. He had only two close acquaintances, his cousin, the Marquess of Ware, and his friend, and now brother-in-law, Colonel Whitlock.

Still, society clamored for him, for he was very rich and very handsome, with oddly colored bronze hair, a strong jaw, fine teeth, and piercing greenish-gray eyes. He had not one ounce of fat on him, for he worked out in the boxing ring and rode every day. His form was quite fine. No padding needed in his jackets, I'd heard. That and the fact that he was the heir to Viscounty and rumored to be worth thirty thousand pounds a year, a truly staggering amount, made him a spectacular catch.

I had heard all of this from the Compton House upstairs maid, Betsy. She knew everything about the _ton_ and loved to gossip. I was ashamed to say I had soaked it all up. For some reason, I found myself fascinated with Lord Cullen, a man I'd never met. I couldn't pass up a chance to possibly meet this man and see for myself what he was like, and to see if he was as handsome as they say.

I also thought of his children. Poor dears. It was not their fault they were born out of wedlock, and I felt all the more strongly that these girls would need an education because they would have a harder time finding husbands.

My decision had been made; it really had been no decision at all.

"Yes, I am interested."

The rest had been meeting Mrs. Stowe, being hired, agreeing to the salary and responsibilities, and moving here to Ward Hall. I had wondered at my bedroom placement on the main living quarters, same as Lord Cullen, but Mrs. Stowe said that Lord Cullen's instructions were to make sure the new governess was most comfortable. "And to make up for taking care of those two hellions in the nursery," I had heard her whisper under her breath. That had startled me. What did that mean? Snakes in my pockets? Spiders in my bed? I would be vigilant and check each time, I remember thinking.

All that worry over the girls for nothing. Yes, the first couple of days were rough. The girls had acted as if they resented me and tried to pull some nasty tricks on me, but I had been ready for them. I had been firm and unmoving. Seeing that they could not scare me or move me, they gave in, and we got on splendidly from there.

I had come to find that they were just sweet girls looking for love, attention, and affection…and I gave it to them. They returned the affection for me, but still, I could see that they desired their father's love.

Their father. He had turned out to be everything society said he was. Cold, proud, abrupt, and handsome beyond all meaning of the word. But I had also seen a glimpse of the real man behind the mask: a man with a keen intellect, a sharp wit, a generous nature, lost in self-hatred, and very lonely. His sometimes-sad eyes pricked my very soul. Those few precious moments when he left his expression unguarded had shown me the sad, tortured man behind the mask.

Oh, what to do?

Should I stay? To become his conquest? That would not happen.

Should I go? Go? Leave Ward Hall? Leave the girls? Leave _him_? No, no, no, no, no!

I gasped and cried out softly, "_I cannot!_"

Already, I lived for our meals together. Our quiet chats about inconsequential topics. Our little debates we had over current issues. For even one passing glimpse of his face.

_Dear Lord_. _What have I done_?

I had done nothing, I realized. My heart had done it all for me.

I began to softly weep.

_Isabella, you foolish, foolish girl_. _You cannot have this man. Not in any way that would leave you with any self-respect. _

I should go. But...I wouldn't. Not yet. I would stay. Until he married another, I would stay. After that, I wouldn't be able to bear it. It already hurt now just thinking about it. I cursed my foolish heart.

I realized that I had been laying here for quite some time, and it was getting late, almost time for tea. I got up, bathed, and put on my second best dress. I redid my hair, washed my face clean of tears, squared my shoulders, and walked with purpose to my door. I mustn't keep my Lord waiting.

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**Hope you are enjoying my story. Thanks for reading! **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	4. Intentions

**I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, but I own the contents of this story. **

**Much appreciation to my beta, Rhi, and thanks to my lovelies who have given me advice and encouragement. You make me smile. **

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**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 3: Intentions**

I waited in the drawing room for Isabella- Miss Swan- to appear. Would she come? Had she left and not told me? …Or did she stay? A small flame of hope burned in my chest.

I acted bored, but every fiber of my being was attuned to the doorway and her possible entrance.

Finally, when I was about to give up all hope, the footman opened the door and in she walked. She stayed! Thank God! My relief and joy could hardly be contained, not that I showed any of that by so much as a hint. But what did this mean? I wondered. I decided we must talk, and I apologize profusely.

She strode in with purpose, as I rose then bowed.

"Good evening, Miss Swan."

She did a quick curtsy.

"Good evening, my Lord."

She sunk down on the settee. She was wearing a fetching moss green dress this evening. She was very neat and seemed composed, but something was quite off. Her eyes looked swollen...had she been crying?

_You ass. You made her cry_?

She met my eyes, and in those brown orbs was defiance. Ah, she was angry with me. As she should be.

The dinner gong rang, and I arose and walked over to her.

"Miss Swan."

I offered her my hand up. She looked at my hand for a moment, then up to my eyes. I thought she would not take it. Stubborn woman! She then almost angrily took my fingers and stood up.

I sent her a searching look. "Miss Swan, after tea, may I speak to you in my study?"

"Of course, _my Lord_. As you wish."

She said all that almost sarcastically. _Well, I earned that_, I thought.

I escorted her into tea, and we ate in silence. I darted looks to her, but she did not meet my eyes. I quickly lost my appetite. What would I say to her? How could I make this right?

We were finished with our meal, and wanting to get this over with, I turned to her. "Miss Swan. If you would be so kind as to come with me now to my study."

"Certainly, _my Lord_."

Ah, that was another dig at me. My lips twitched in amusement. She had a fiery spirit. I loved that.

In my study, I offered her a comfortable chair, and I sat in one across from her. She sat very still and watched me.

"Miss Swan, I...wanted to apologize. I fear I have offended you."

"I will not be your mistress," she said bluntly, forgoing my proper address.

Good. I got so tired of being "my Lord-ed" by her. I longed to hear my Christian name from her lips, and I longed to call her by hers.

"I don't recall asking you to be any such thing."

She gave me a warning look. Ah, she was not a woman to be trifled with.

"You will not ruin me. I will not allow you."

"Miss Swan" - I reached out and took her hand and squeezed her fingers- "I again apologize. I would like to make my intentions clear. I would like us to be friends, but only that. Friends."

She pursed her lips and gave me a disbelieving look.

Well, perhaps that wasn't quite true. I spent most nights lying in bed, thinking of a millions ways to please this woman, and about ways to make her happy, and the pleasure I'd love to give her. I fantasized about her body and dreamed about making love to her. She needn't know any of that, though.

"Also, I would ask you a favor. I would like to get to know my daughters, and thought you might be able to help me. I'm...not good with children. I don't know how to be a father. Will you help me?"

A look of surprise lit her face. It was soon replaced with contemplation. She was quiet for some time. Seeming to decide something, she took a deep breath.

"I accept your apology and will try to be your friend. As for helping with the girls, I would very much like to help you. They're desperate for your love and attention, and I know you'd be a good father to them given the chance."

"Thank you. I pray that your faith in me is warranted, but I'm warning you, Miss Swan, I'd not be a very good friend for you."

There was a flash of something in her eyes, but it was quickly gone. "I will decide that for myself."

I nodded and let go of her hand. My own suddenly felt cold and empty. It felt…wrong to let her go.

"I also wanted to warn you that my mother, my sister and her husband are coming for a visit for a fortnight. They should arrive the day after tomorrow. My mother wants to make sure my daughters are getting a good education. She can be overbearing, but I will not allow her to interfere with your schoolroom. Just continue on as you have been doing."

She blinked, but did not speak.

"I also wanted to thank you. My children seem to adore you, and I have noticed a marked change in their dispositions since you came. They seem to be better behaved and happier. I have you to thank for that."

I gave her a warm smile, and her eyes got wide, a little gasp escaping her mouth.

The atmosphere in the room changed. Our eyes met and held.

Then I saw it. The sadness in her eyes. The yearning. For one brief, blessed moment, she allowed me to see her, really see her soul, and I was shaken to my core.

I had much to contemplate.

This thing between she and I, it was powerful. It was dangerous. It could not end well. But maybe, just maybe, if I walked a fine line, was her friend, and not her lover, and kept the proper distance, I could keep her near me.

Anything it took just be in her presence. To be parted from her now would cause me physical pain, and I vowed to do and be whatever it took to keep her near me. Yes, I was a selfish man. I was not a good man. She was not mine. She could never be mine. But I would not let her be another's. Not while I still lived and breathed. Never. I was unable to look into those brown eyes another second. They were scorching my black soul with her light and goodness.

I looked away, hating myself.

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan. I seem to be tired this evening. I believe I will retire early. If you would be so kind as to have the girls ready for an outing tomorrow morning after breakfast. I shall take them on a brief tour of the property, and we'll have a picnic lunch, if that meets with your approval."

She had been silent for so long, I wasn't sure of her response, but she surprised me.

"Certainly, my Lord." She gave me a brief smile. "They'll love that."

She stood, and I quickly arose as well. She nodded at me, and I briefly bowed. With a "Good night, my Lord. Sleep well," she left.

I sat down in her chair. I could still smell her fragrance- jasmine, I decided. Intoxicating. Well, I had managed to not only apologize but earn her good opinion by trying to be a better father. She thought I wanted her to be my mistress? Well, what else would she think? I couldn't marry her. The _ton_ would eat her alive, and I would be the laughingstock that married the help. But I wanted her. Not just in my bed, but to be mine. Forever.

There had to be some line we could walk and still be together. There _had_ to be.

I thought to tomorrow. I have a whole afternoon with the girls…and with her. Suddenly, I couldn't wait for the morning.

**x~x**

We walked along the garden path, down toward the lake. The girls were holding hands and chatting ahead of us. I looked down at Miss Swan and noticed her absentmindedly watching the girls. I wished I knew what she was thinking. I longed to read her mind and hear her thoughts.

She was fetching today, in her yellow and white striped dress and white bonnet, tied with a yellow ribbon. She carried her sketchpad and charcoals in her swinging hand. I was glad of the nice weather so that she may draw, and we could enjoy our picnic.

I carried the picnic basket that the cook had loaded with our meal. Peters almost had a heart seizure when I told him I would carry it myself, and we didn't need any damned footman to come along. Really, I could carry a bloody basket! And the last thing I wanted was hovering footmen as I enjoyed a picnic with Isabella- Miss Swan- and my daughters. How many chances would I have to be practically alone with her? I wouldn't waste them by having servants around who could hear my every word.

We continued on in silence, her and me. Once we reached the lake, we stopped to admire the view.

"Would you like to row out to the gazebo on the small island? We could luncheon there and then row back."

She finally looked at me, and again, I was struck in the sunlight by how beautiful she was. The sun gave her skin a luminescence, made it glow. I suddenly had a vision of her lying in a field of daisies, her beautiful hair flowing out around her, and her skin sparkling like diamonds in the sun. I'd give everything I owned for that to become a reality.

"I...cannot."

Breaking out of my daydream, I gave her a confused look. "You do not enjoy boats, Miss Swan?"

"No...I, oh..." she sighed. "You may as well know." She looked away, toward the gazebo. "There was a boating accident when I was child, and I almost drowned. Both of my parents...were lost. To this day, I do not go on water. Forgive me, my Lord, for ruining your plans. You can still take the girls over, and I will stay here and wait for you."

Go without her? Not bloody likely. "Forgive me. I did not know. The boat is, of course, out of the question. We will simply dine here on the shore."

I felt a longing to take her in my arms and hug her to me. To give her what comfort I could. I squeezed my fist tightly to keep from reaching out and taking her arm and pulling her to my chest, but the want was almost overwhelming. To have lost her parents so tragically and so young. To have been there as well and survive while they perished, must have been devastating. Her grief must have been great.

_What a strong spirit she has_. She's a fighter. She lived. My admiration for her only grew. I forced myself to not touch her and looked over to the girls.

"Adele. Katie. Come. Let's eat."

"Yes, father," Adele replied gravely.

"I'm quite hungry, father," Katie said and skipped over to me and held her arms up.

She wanted me to pick her up, I presumed. I stood there, uncertain as to what to do. I had never held either of the girls. I felt the picnic basket being taken from my hand and looked at Miss Swan. She nodded to me and gave me an encouraging look.

_Well, here goes nothing_.

I reached down and lifted Katie up. She grinned at me and placed her little hands on each of my cheeks. "Papa! You picked me up!" she said in wonder and gave me a sweet baby kiss.

I was so shocked at this moment; I wasn't sure how to react. I looked to Miss Swan for guidance. She had her lips pressed together, as if she was holding back a laugh. Like this, did she? Well, then, I must be doing something right to please Miss Swan.

I carefully hugged Katie and squatting down, I sat her back down. She giggled and gave me a happy smile, and well, if that wasn't the cutest thing ever. My daughter could be quite charming, I thought. My daughter. No doubt about that, with her coppery hair and same colored eyes. She was my child. I gave her an amused look, touched the tip of my finger to her cute as a button nose, and smiled. I heard Adele gasp.

I looked over and met my oldest daughter's astonished eyes. I tilted my head and reached out with my right hand for her. She looked at that hand as if she had never seen such a thing, and then, after some moments time, finally took the few steps over and laid her little hand in mine. I gripped it and gave it a squeeze. She looked at our hands, and then up to my eyes and flew into my arms.

"Oh, Papa!"

Then she began to weep. Now I was completely at a loss. Crying women terrified me. I looked up at Miss Swan, entreating her to save me. She shook her head at me, and I noticed small tears coming from her eyes. Well, my work here today was done. I had made two out of three of my women cry. Well, except Miss Swan wasn't exactly my woman. Finally taking pity on me, she knelt down and took Adele into her arms.

"Isn't your Papa the best, Adele and Katie? Now, let's lay out the blanket and see what goodies Cook prepared for our lunch, shall we?"

Adele nodded and pulled back from Miss Swan, and I handed her my handkerchief. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Thank goodness the tears had stopped.

"I find myself famished, ladies. Katie, grab the blanket and spread it out under the oak tree."

She was all too eager to help and grabbed the blanket and headed toward the tree. Adele grabbed the basket and followed her.

Miss Swan watched them walk away, a small smile on her face. She turned to me, and that smile became radiant. My God, she was stunning.

"My Lord, that was wonderful! I'm quite proud of you. I believe you couldn't have given the girls a finer gift than your affection. Now you must learn how to converse with them and get to know them. They're wonderful girls that'll make you proud."

She was still smiling that radiant smile at me, and in that moment, I felt that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as worthless as I believed I was. Isabella. She said she was proud of me. No one had ever been proud of me before. It made my heart swell and a feeling of almost elation flowed through me.

This good woman standing in front of me, she didn't care who I was, who my father was, how much money I had, what my title was, any of it. She did care that I was kind to my children and a good father. She did care for her reputation and virtue. She did care about what was right and wrong. She was good. Truly good. I had never in my life met someone like her. Without an agenda. Without motive. She simply was good, because it was the right thing to do.

With much emotion, I reached down and took her hand. I raised it to my lips and gently kissed the back of her hand.

"Miss Swan, you are a woman without compare. You're like an angel sent here to Earth to walk amongst us mere mortals."

She blushed and pulled her hand from mine.

"My Lord. Such pretty words. Do you speak that way to all the ladies?"

"Never. I've never uttered such sentiments before in my life. Every word I said was true and only for you."

She gave me a surprised look, and then the sadness was in her eyes again. I felt her withdraw from me again.

"I'm...I'm hungry, my Lord. Shall we eat?"

"Yes, of course." I offered her my arm. She lightly placed her arm through mine, and we walked over to the girls.

After we ate, the girls ran around and picked flowers while Miss Swan and I sat on the blanket. Actually, I laid back and just looked up the oak tree above me, thinking about the woman beside me. Miss Swan was drawing something with her charcoals. Curiosity overcame me. _Was she any good at drawing? What did she draw?_

I sat up and watched her working. Her hand flew across the sketchpad.

"May I see what you are drawing?"

She looked up at me in surprise, as if she had forgotten I was there. Another blow to my pride. Miss Swan would certainly keep a man humble, I thought.

"Certainly."

She handed me the sketchpad. It was a drawing of the girls picking flowers. It was truly amazing. She had not only captured the girls' likenesses accurately, she had captured the mood of the day. I admired her skill.

I flipped through the book and realized that she had quite some talent. She had drawn some of the staff at Ward Hall and had managed to capture not only their likeness, but something about their personality that shined from the page. I kept flipping, and I noticed she became nervous.

Then I stopped…at an image of myself. It was me, but not the me I saw in the mirror. She had drawn my features accurately, but instead of the proud and haughty man I had always been, she had drawn a warm look on my face, as if I was amused, and in the eyes, she showed sadness. I was a little shaken from this. I looked into her eyes, but she gave nothing away. She saw me too clearly, I thought. I flipped back to the picture of the girls.

"May I have this?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Of course, my Lord."

She took back the sketchpad and carefully ripped it from the book then handed it to me. It was the finest thing I now owned. It not only was a drawing of my children, but the woman I loved drew it. It would be my most prized possession.

"Thank you," I said most sincerely. "Perhaps we should return to the Hall?"

"Yes, it's getting late, my Lord."

So we collected the girls, gathered up all our items, and trekked back up to the Hall.

She was quiet again, and I did not infringe upon her thoughts. At the door, I stopped and handed the basket to Adele. "Give that to Peters and go on upstairs- both of you."

"Yes, Papa," Adele said, but this time with a smile at me.

Miss Swan went to leave as well, but I stopped her with my hand lightly on her arm.

"May I speak to you a moment?"

She nodded, and I lead her to a private spot in the garden. I offered her a seat on a bench. She sat and watched me warily, unsure of what I was about. I felt unable to meet those wise brown eyes.

"I...wanted to thank you, Miss Swan, for helping me with the girls."

"I assure you, my Lord, it was my pleasure. Anything I can do in that regard, just let me know."

"Well, again, thank you."

"Is that all?"

_Is that all_? _No, that was not all._ _I love you, I adore you, and I want you._ _God, help me_.

I finally met her eyes. When she looked at me, I felt she saw me. Truly saw me. It both frightened me and drew me to her. I felt compelled forward as if we were magnets. I sat down beside her on the bench and took her hand, raising it to my lips, and kissing her fingers. She gasped and gave me an irritated look.

"You _must_ stop touching me."

"Again, forgive me. You're correct. I should not touch you. I should not _want_ to touch you. I should not want to kiss you. _I should not want you_," I growled out in both frustration and disgust at myself.

I looked away and ran my hand through my hair in dismay knowing that I had ended every chance of friendship between us with those rash words.

She was quiet for some time. I looked at the ground and berated myself for being such an foolish ass.

"I should not want that either."

My head shot up in astonishment.

"I shouldn't want this," she said and took my hand and raised it to her face and laid it against her cheek. She leaned her face into my hand and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. I gently caressed her satiny soft cheek with my thumb.

I did not question the miracle of her letting me touch her. Like a man dying of thirst in the desert and she my water, I needed this to survive.

"And I certainly shouldn't want this."

She opened her eyes, leaned forward, and placed her lips to mine. I sat in astonishment for about five seconds, and then I was kissing her back. Ah, heaven! I could kiss this woman forever and never tire of it. She was made for me. Only me. She smelled of jasmine and the sunshine of the day and...I _had_ to end this.

I pulled back and took both her hands in mine. I lay my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. I was in agony. If a heart could break in half, mine surely just did.

"_My,_ _God_. What are we to do?" I whispered.

"Nothing, my Lord. We will do nothing. I...have a headache and am going to lie down. I'll see you at breakfast."

I ran my hands down her arms, and taking her hands I squeezed them, and then let them go. I pulled back to give her a searching look. She was right. There was nothing we could do. I slowly nodded.

With an unreadable look on her face, she got up and walked away. I sat for quite some time in the garden, lost in thought, reeling in torment of loving a woman I could not have.

* * *

**Where will they go from here? No easy answers, is there?**

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are sweet. **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	5. Contemplation

**Much love and appreciation to my wonderful beta, Rhi. **

**As always, I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I however, own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light **

**Chapter 4: Contemplation **

I sat on my bed in my nightdress and wrapper. My arms were wrapped around myself as if I could hold myself together. As if I could pick up all the broken pieces of my shattered heart and hold them close to me to keep from losing them all completely.

It was astounding how one day- just one day- can change everything in a person's life. I'd had such a day.

Where to even begin? At the beginning, of course, I thought.

I had looked forward to the outing with Lord Cullen and the girls. I had wanted to help him get to know his children, and I loved the outdoors. And, if I was being completely honest, I got to be in _his_ presence for a time. It was what I lived for.

I had been quiet on the walk down to the lake, deep in thought of wishing for things that could not be, but when Lord Cullen had asked about rowing to the small island, I'd had to tell him no. I'd felt it necessary for him to know why, and perhaps I had wanted him to understand something about me. I had been relieved when he'd said we would picnic under the oak tree.

I thought with amusement how Katie had wanted to be picked up. That poor man. He'd hardly known what to do. But I had been so proud when he'd picked her up and held her. And to reach out to quiet little Adele...I had wept happy tears to see her joy at being noticed and held by her father.

I hoped, in time, he would come to know and truly love those girls.

Then I thought to after, when he'd spoken those words to me. Comparing me to an angel. Such pretty words, but how could I trust them? I had thought him trifling with me, but he'd assured me that he was being sincere. I had been at a loss as to how to respond to such sentiments and drew away from him, saying I was hungry.

After our meal, I had picked up my sketchpad and began to draw the girls picking flowers. I had tried very hard to capture the peace and happiness of the day. Truthfully, I had forgotten about Lord Cullen beside me. I often lost myself in my drawings and paintings.

I'd been surprised, yet secretly pleased, that he had wanted to see what I had been drawing. But also, I felt my work mediocre, and I had hoped he wouldn't be disappointed in it. He had flipped through my sketchpad, and remembering the drawing I had lovingly done of him, I dearly hoped he would stop before he came it. If he had found his portrait, he never let on. Though once, he did stop and give me a wary look.

When he had asked me for the picture of the girls, I had been well pleased. Perhaps he cared more for them than he let on, to want a picture of them to keep near him.

The part I did not want to dwell on was afterwards…in the garden. When he had kissed my fingers, I had felt both pleasure and irritation. Could the man not leave me_ any_ peace of mind? I had scolded him, and then he had said the unspeakable. That he wanted to touch me, to kiss me...he wanted me.

I had known this. I was not a fool. I knew the torment he was in and how he hated himself for it. I also knew that I was feeling exactly the same things. I'd had to let him know he was not alone in that. That the things he most wanted were the same as me.

What on earth had possessed me, though, to place his hand on my cheek? That simple touch had almost made me weep. I had closed my eyes and just savored the feeling of his skin on mine.

More. I had needed more. Saying that I shouldn't want it either, I had kissed him. What an irrational and insane thing to do! It had been as if another Isabella had taken over, and, in her place, this brave, forward woman then sat.

It had been a grave mistake, though. I hadn't known. How could I? That once I placed my lips to his, I had come home.

He had been surprised, but kissed me back. Oh, glorious heaven! Nothing could ever compare to kissing him! All those dreams and fantasies of finding a man that would make me feel alive, nothing compared to actually finding the man who did and having him kiss me.

He had ended the kiss, thank God, because I don't believe I would have. I now know that he has complete power over me. Even if it ruined me, that once that man places his hands on me, puts his lips to mine, I am powerless to stop him. Powerless to deny him anything. And in the moment of my ruin, even then, I wouldn't be sorry. Because even one moment with Lord Cullen...Edward, was worth an eternity.

His pain, when he had asked what we were to do, had been as real as my own. I'd had no answer for him. There wasn't a path we could walk together, not as a couple. I had told him the truth, that was we would do nothing, and had left him before my small amount of willpower I had left crumbled.

Now, I sit this evening in contemplation, wondering how to go on from here.

There was a knock at the door, startling me out of my thoughts. It was Moira, my maid, with dinner. Why was she bringing me my dinner? She sat it down and seemed quite excited about something.

"Is everything all right, Moira?"

"Oh, yes, Miss. It's just that Lady Cullen, Miss Alice, and Colonel Whitlock have arrived here about an hour ago."

"Oh, I see. Thank you for bringing my dinner then, Moira."

"Oh, that was no problem, Miss Swan. I dare say your meals will be here now, or in the nursery, now that Lady Cullen is in residence. She's a real stickler for doing things proper, she is."

"I see."

"I'll be back in an hour to collect your tray and set your fire."

So, Lord Cullen's mother, sister, and brother-in-law were here. Lady Cullen sounded like a bit of a termagant from what I'd gleaned from Lord Cullen and Moira just now. Well, my presence would not be welcomed in the dining room anymore, I'm sure.

I would miss my meals with Lord Cullen, I thought ruefully. Perhaps that was for the best anyway. I seemed to be forgetting my place here. I was the governess. Nothing more.

**x~x**

The next morning, I went to the nursery to have breakfast with the girls before we began our lessons. We were just finishing our toast, porridge, and tea when Lord Cullen walked into the nursery. I was a bit astonished. He never came to the nursery.

"Miss Swan. A word with you please," he said with an irritated tone.

"Of course."

He walked to the doorway, and I got up and went out into the hallway and waited for him while he shut the nursery door. He walked some distance down the hallway and stopped. I followed him, wondering what he had to say to me. Truthfully, after last evening, I was nervous. How do we go on from where we left off? I decided to act as if nothing had happened.

He seemed...annoyed and more than a little agitated. He ran a hand through his hair, and then, putting both hands behind his back and holding them there, he began to pace. I waited quietly with my hands clasped in front of me, for him to work out whatever it was that was troubling him.

Finally, he stopped and looked at me.

"Miss Swan, could you please tell me why I was missing your presence at both dinner last evening and breakfast this morning?"

"I had a headache last evening, my Lord. I told you that. And this morning, knowing that your family was present, I felt my presence would not be welcomed at meals."

He shot me an annoyed look. "Did _I_ give you that impression?"

"Well, no, my Lord, but now that Lady Cullen is here, I'm sure it's not proper for me to sit at family meals."

He seemed almost angry then.

"Miss Swan, _I_ will decide what is or isn't proper in my own home. Your meals will be with me _and_ my family. Is that understood?"

Was he insane? His mother wouldn't want the governess at dinner! "I really don't think-"

"Then don't. Just make sure you're in the dining room for luncheon."

This was not going to be good, I thought with a sigh. But his power over me was complete, and I complied. "Yes, my Lord. It will be as you wish."

He scowled and started to say something, but apparently thinking better of it, closed his mouth, gave me a quick bow, and walked away. _Heaven help me_.

At lunchtime, I made sure my appearance was beyond reproach and headed downstairs. Taking a deep breath outside the dining room, I walked in and stopped. A middle aged lady of regal appearance sat at the table. She had bronze hair, the same color as Lord Cullen's, a still beautiful face, and was dressed in solid black. Lady Cullen, I presumed, and still in mourning. She gave me a confused look.

"Yes? Miss Swan, I presume? Are you lost?"

I stood there, unsure of what to do. Lord Cullen had ordered me here, but clearly, I was not wanted. Behind me, I heard a clearing of a throat and sensed his presence. Immediately, I felt more at ease.

"Mother, this is Miss Swan. Miss Swan, Lady Cullen."

I curtsied to her. "My Lady."

She simply looked from me to her son. Then she briefly inclined her head.

I could almost feel Lord Cullen's irritation. "Miss Swan takes her meals here, Mother. Please have a seat, Miss Swan."

He walked over and pulled out the chair at the end of the table, which would put me to his right. The place of honor? He really was insane, I thought. I looked at Lady Cullen, and she seemed a bit shocked at all this.

Hearing a laugh, I looked to the doorway, and in walked a most handsome couple. She was quite petite and lovely, with dark brown hair arranged in the latest style and her dress of blue was both beautiful and of the highest fashion. Colonel Whitlock was a tall, handsome man, smartly dressed, with blonde hair tied back in a queue. He had an air of authority about him. No doubt from his military leadership. Alice had her arm through his and seemed quite content.

They stopped when they saw me.

"Alice, Jasper, Miss Swan. Miss Swan, my sister, Alice, and her husband, Colonel Whitlock."

I stood and did a short curtsy.

"Colonel Whitlock. Mrs. Whitlock." I acknowledged them with a brief nod, then sat back down as they took their seats.

The footmen began to bring in the tea, and food. I found myself without desire to do more than sip my tea. The atmosphere at the table did not encourage one's appetite.

Colonel Whitlock finally broke the silence by asking Edward about his horses, and that seemed to get conversation flowing. Alice was then speaking with Lady Cullen about new dress patterns, as I sat there and tried to be inconspicuous.

I should have known better. Lord Cullen was not about to allow that. Why couldn't the man just let me be?

He looked over at me and then down to my empty plate. "Miss Swan. Why are you not eating?"

"I'm not hungry, my Lord."

"But I'm sure you must be. I _insist _you eat something."

Really! The man was impossible! "Pray tell me, what it is you wish me to eat, my Lord?"

He speared a slice of ham and laid it on my plate. Then he grabbed a slice of bread, buttered it, and placed it, too, on my plate.

"At least eat those things," he said.

"What if I do not _wish_ to eat them?"

By now, we had totally forgotten anyone else was in the room with us, so we both missed the astonished looks passed between Alice and Lady Cullen. No one spoke to Edward that way. Well, certainly no one beyond family or very close friends and never a woman. Also, I had forgotten in my annoyance and dropped his proper address. That, too, was noted.

I saw his hand grip his fork tightly, and his other hand went up, as if he would run it through his hair. I gave him a challenging look, and he stopped as he was about to touch his hair. I must be really annoying him, I thought. He always ran his hand through his hair when he was frustrated. He quickly lowered his hand and gripped the edge of the table.

In a commanding voice, he said, "I say you _do _wish so, eat." He just stared at me, waiting for my compliance.

I held his eyes and saw that he was quite determined. I sighed. This was becoming ridiculous. I was hungry anyway, and he would sit there all day waiting for me to obey him.

"Fine."

Stubborn man. He always won our arguments. I gave him an annoyed look as I picked up the bread and took a bite.

He then gave me a look of satisfaction and began to eat as well.

It took us both a minute to realize that the dining room was dead silent, and three pair of eyes were staring at us in shock.

**x~x**

The next afternoon, I sat in the green parlor, unsure of my future employment at Ward Hall. I had never been in this room, I realized. This must have been Lady Cullen's particular parlor. It really was a beautiful room, done in muted greens and pinks. I couldn't appreciate the décor, however, because Lady Cullen was sitting in a chair across from me that resembled a throne, her green eyes studying me intently.

I was purchased on the settee, my back ramrod straight, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. This woman made me very nervous. She had said she wished to speak to me. I now waited on her to begin.

She had been studying me for some time, and I was becoming uncomfortable.

"You look familiar, Miss Swan. Where are you from?"

"Originally, my Lady, from Devon, near Plymouth."

"Your parents?"

"They are deceased, my Lady. My father was a merchant, Charles Swan, and my mother was Renee."

At this, she sat up a little straighter. "Renee? Renee what?"

"Renee Drake, my Lady."

"Drake? _Drake_. And the rest of your family?"

"I have no family, my Lady, other than my father's aunt, Clara Swan, whom I was sent to live with after their death."

"How...how did she die?" Lady Cullen asked me quietly and seemed upset.

I found this strange, but answered, "My Lady, we were sailing. My father loved to sail. A storm came up and- and the rest I'd rather not discuss, but I survived, and they did not. I was eight."

"I did not know," she said quietly.

She was quiet for some time, then she looked at me with compassion in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan. What a terrible thing to have happen to a child. I...knew your mother. We were friends when we were at finishing school together. I had not realized she'd died. We lost contact after her family cut her off, and I became wrapped up in my life with Lord Cullen. I should have kept in touch," she said with regret.

"Her...family, my Lady?"

I had family?

"Child, do you really not know who you are? Did your mother never speak of her family?" she asked me, quite amazed.

"No. I presumed they were dead. I'm Isabella Swan. That is all I know, my Lady."

She chuckled.

"Well, this _is_ interesting! You look just like her, you know, except the coloring, which must have come from your father. I should have realized that from the beginning. You have her spirit, as well. She was never one to be timid or not live her life as she wanted. That would explain her marrying your father, despite being lost to her family."

I had no idea what she was talking about. My mother had family? Finishing school? My mother went to a finishing school?

Her family must have had money, and yet she ended up married to my father. She had loved him deeply and he her. Even as a child, I understood this. They had been devoted to each other until the day they died. She had given up money and her family for my father, a merchant? I never knew.

I want that kind of love. But would I be willing to sacrifice everything for the one I love? I thought of Edward, his beloved face... and yes. Yes, I would do the same. I guess I do have something of my mother in me after all.

"My Lady, may I ask, who are my mother's family? Do you know them? Do any of them still live?"

Suddenly, I was excited. I had family! After only Aunt Clara, even though she was a dear, and I loved her, I was eager to learn more about any other family I might have.

"Well, of course I know them. And, yes, your grandparents are very much still alive. They must not know about you, or they would've had you live with them at Sunderley. To think, all these years, you living and _working_. As a governess no less! Her Grace will not be pleased about that! Oh, I must write to Her Grace at once! She'll surely want to meet you."

"My Lady..._Her_..._Grace_?"

"Yes, of course. Her Grace. Miss Swan, your grandparents…are the Duke and Duchess of Glastonburgh."

* * *

**Hmmm, I sense changes coming. Thanks for the reviews. I appreciate every one of them.**

**Much love,**

**Sunny**


	6. Discoveries

**Thanks and love to my wonderful beta, Rhi. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Lord Cullen, however, belongs solely to me.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 5: Discoveries**

Jasper and I walked towards the stables so that I could show him the horses I had purchased recently.

My family had been quiet since yesterday, but I felt like a storm was brewing. Perhaps Miss Swan and I revealed too much at lunch yesterday. Perhaps I should ask Jasper and see what he, Alice, and my mother were thinking. Perhaps I didn't really want to know.

After inspecting the new stallion and two mares, we decided to go for a ride. Both Jasper and I were excellent horsemen, and it was exhilarating to ride with someone who could keep pace with me and my stallion, Midnight. After riding for some time, we decided to stop by a brook and allow the horses to rest. After they got a drink and were happily grazing, I sat down as Jasper paced.

"Spit it out, man." He obviously had something to say to me.

Taking a deep breath, he stopped pacing, turned to me, and said, "Well, Edward, I've known you for a very long time. And my friend, I have to ask you, _what are you doing_? Are you bedding Miss Swan? Is she your mistress? What is going on, Edward, for something surely is. Have you lost your damned mind?"

I quickly shot up. My anger was almost overwhelming. He had no right!

"_How dare you?_ What business is it of yours?"

"I dare, because you are my friend _and_ my brother-in-law, and damn it, Edward, it's time you grew up. You can't have _every _woman you want. You must have_ some _discretion. Bedding your children's governess is low, even for you, Edward. I'm mean, really. What in the _world_ were you thinking?"

I was almost burning with rage. I spoke, my voice low and deadly and trembling with anger. How dare he! _How dare he! _

"_You will take that back_. You have not only insulted me, but you _dare_ to question the purity and goodness of that angel Miss Swan? _I will not have it. _You. Will. Apologize_._"

Jasper stood very still. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. And then Jasper did the unexpected. His lips twitched, and then he laughed. Just a chuckle at first and then harder. Finally, he was laughing so hard, he was bent over and holding his stomach.

Now I was angry _and_ completely confused.

"And _what_ exactly is so amusing?"

"Oh..." -laughter- "…Edward! This is _priceless_! You, you cold bastard. Cupid finally got you, too. Edward in love! Oh, this is too much! This is _amazing_! Wait until I tell Emmett!" More guffaws followed.

Well, hell. That ass! He'd done that on purpose! Now he knew. I slumped to the ground in defeat. I shook my head and rubbed my face with my hands. Sighing, I looked up at him and ran my hand through my hair. He was _still_ laughing, the bastard.

Well, I knew how besotted this laughing buffoon was with my sister, so maybe he could help me.

"God help me, Jasper. What am I going to do? I do love that woman!"

"I know you do, Edward. It was obvious to me, who had been your friend for so long. I had to make sure, though. You did not disappoint," he said while wiping tears off his face from laughing so hard.

"Glad I amuse you, you bastard. You laugh while I'm suffering." I looked to the ground and put my hand over my eyes. "Oh God, Jasper! Is it_ always_ like this? The torment, the pain, the obsession?"

He chuckled. "Ah, yes. It's _exactly _like that. Welcome to the land of the living, my friend."

He walked over and offered me a hand up. "Come on. Let's ride back to the Hall. Our ladies await."

**x~x**

At dinner that evening, I noticed a marked change in the atmosphere. My mother was almost doting on Miss Swan, and Alice was chatting happily with her. Miss Swan, for her part, was in an odd mood. She was very distracted. Everything felt…altered somehow and I wondered what had caused it to be so.

I was soon to find out. Jasper and I did not linger long over our port after dinner. We would much rather be with the ladies. Entering the blue parlor, I stopped at the sight of my mother and Miss Swan sitting on the settee and in deep conversation. My curiosity was about to overflow.

What in the world was going on?

"Edward, have a seat. I have some wonderful news!" my mother said.

I sat down in the chair closest to the settee. "What news?"

"Do you remember the finishing school in Switzerland that I, and then Alice, attended?"

"Somewhat."

"Well, I happened to have attended that school with Isabella's mother, Renee. She was my dear friend and roommate."

"Well, that's lovely, Mother. I'm sure Miss Swan has been enjoying hearing about her mother."

I was pleased for Miss Swan and jealous that mother got to call her Isabella, when I could not. And then I was curious. Finishing schools in Switzerland were very expensive. How could Miss Swan's mother have gone there?

"Oh, that's not all, Edward. Do you know who her mother was?"

I shook my head. Where was this leading, I was wondering? And why was Mother making such a big deal about it all?

"Her mother was Renee Drake."

I waited for the significance of the statement to be revealed.

"Edward, Drake is the family name for the Duke of Glastonburgh. Renee was his daughter which makes Isabella his granddaughter. I took the liberty of writing to Her Grace and telling her about Isabella. It seems that they did not know the other existed. Renee was cut off from the family, and they did not speak again after she married Isabella's father. It was a hard letter to write, but I felt it imperative to tell them about Renee and Isabella. I'm sure they'll be paying a visit in the near future."

I sat there stunned. Of all things my mother could have said, that was not the thing I thought she would have. Isabella was the granddaughter of a duke? And she was working as a governess? That would not do.

And then other thoughts, deep, dark thoughts started to surface. Thoughts about the future, which I hadn't dared entertain before.

I looked at Miss Swan- Isabella- with appraising eyes. This could change things. She was, in turn, looking at me in uncertainty.

"Well, this is very good news, is it not, Miss Swan? You're a Drake. Who knew? Your mother ranked above my own mother, the daughter of an earl." I found this amusing and chuckled.

"Indeed she did, Edward." Mother laughed as well. "Oh, she was lovely girl! My great regret is that we lost touch." She reached over and took Miss Swan's hand. "But my dear, I will make it up to you, her daughter. I will make sure you meet your mother's family, and you must have some new dresses! And no more working as a governess!"

"But my Lady, I enjoy teaching the girls. Nothing has really changed. I plan to continue on as I did before." Miss Swan looked completely overwhelmed.

"Nonsense. We'll hire another governess. I must prepare you for meeting your grandparents. Alice, do you have some dresses we may modify? Isabella will need a couple of them at least."

"Oh, yes, I know just the ones!" Alice said. "Tomorrow morning, we'll do fittings, and we'll hire the local seamstress."

"Mother. Alice. Perhaps she does not want to do fittings or have new dresses. Perhaps, like she said, wishes to continue on as before. After all, nothing has changed yet."

Miss Swan sent me a grateful look.

"Well, we can discuss this tomorrow," Mother said. "I'm tired, and I'm sure Isabella is." She nodded in agreement, and we all stood, and Mother and Miss Swan walked out arm in arm, as did Alice and Jasper.

I walked over to the brandy decanter and poured a large glass of it. Sitting back down in the armchair, I began to contemplate this news and the opportunities that weren't even remotely possible a mere hour before.

**x~x**

The next afternoon I found myself wandering around my home. I was frustrated because Alice and my mother had taken over Miss Swan, and I hadn't gotten to speak to her. I had been aimlessly walking into rooms, some I hadn't been in forever. Really, what did we have all these rooms for? We didn't use a good portion of them.

I finally wandered into the massive two-story library. My father had loved this room. He had been an avid reader and book collector, and this room was full of his treasures. I enjoyed this room as well as I had inherited my father's love of reading. One of the few positive traits I had gotten from him.

I turned to the right to skim the nearest bookshelf and caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head back to the left, I could see nothing, but I could swear someone was here. I walked forward, going deeper into the library.

"Who's there?"

I heard muttering, and then Miss Swan stepped out from behind a partial wall that had been concealing her.

I was surprised, but certainly not displeased. I had been dying to talk to her all day.

"Why are you hiding, Miss Swan?"

"Shhh!" She motioned for me to come closer. "I'm hiding from Alice. She's driving me crazy. She's had me in fitting hell all morning. If I have to try on one more dress, I swear I will scream!"

Vastly amused, I stepped up to her, as she tried to hide herself behind my body against the short wall. Well, no 'my Lords' from her, and I have Miss Swan- Isabella- to myself in a quiet room. My day had just improved tremendously.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you safe from her," I said in amusement.

Just then, we both heard the footsteps in the hallway. The library door opened, and Isabella shrunk behind me. I turned to see who it was and was greeted with the gray eyes of my sister.

"Edward! Have you seen Isabella? We have more fittings, and the seamstress is here."

I looked at Isabella, my lips pursed in amusement. She laid her hand on my arm, lightly gripping it and shook her head "no" at me. Heaven itself wouldn't have tempted me to tell Alice that Isabella was here.

"No, I haven't seen her. She loves the outdoors. She's probably in the garden."

"Oh, goodness. Well, I'll look there, then. If you see her, will you tell her I'm looking for her?"

I nodded my head at Alice and she left, closing the door behind her.

I turned back to Isabella's steady brown eyes.

"_Thank you_, my Lord." She sighed, and realizing she was still holding my arm, quickly dropped her hand.

Frustration almost overwhelmed me. It was time to move this forward.

"No more."

"No more what, my Lord?"

"Edward. _My name is Edward._ Say it, please. When it's just you and me, say my name. No more 'my Lord,' unless we're with others," I entreated her.

She looked down for a moment, then looked back up and met my eyes.

"All right, Edward, but I must be Bella, but only to you."

"Bella? Not Isabella?" Ah, I said her name to her, and she said mine! What a blessed day!

"My mother and father called me Bella. No one has called me it since, and I prefer it. It'll be your special name for me only."

Oh, I loved the sound of that. My special name for my woman. Except Bella wasn't my woman. Not…yet.

"_Bella,_" I whispered."Oh, beautiful, wonderful Bella."

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. As if savoring the feeling of hearing me speak her name. She was so beautiful. Bella. _Beautiful _in Italian. The perfect name for her.

_God help me, I loved this woman_.

Unable to stop myself, I reached out and took her hand. She opened her eyes and watched me, but did not try to stop me. Taking that as permission, I raised her hand to my mouth and turning it over, kissed her palm. She gasped softly. I skimmed my nose down to her wrist, savoring her. I then placed a kiss there, and I closed my eyes for a moment, just enjoying her scent. Thinking I had been forward enough, I lowered her arm and let go.

We just stood there in that private corner and stared into each other's eyes.

I was completely at her mercy. Everything was for her and about her and up to her. She completely ruled me and my actions. What she chose to permit me, deny me, and give me was entirely up to her.

After another minute, she took a step forward and laid her hands on my chest. I was terrified to move. I had no idea what she wanted, but I would not ruin this moment. I waited, not moving and barely breathing. She was looking at my chest and slowly raised her head until her eyes met mine. I could not read the look on her face. Slowly, she tilted her head and reached up and placed her lips to mine.

_Bella._ It was a sigh from my very soul.

I raised my hands and gently placed them on her waist, holding her like the precious, perfect angel she was. Our kiss wasn't rushed. It was slow and exploring, and I swear in that moment, I could feel her goodness and light.

How long that amazing kiss went on, I had no idea. Time lost all meaning when I was with Bella.

But I knew I had to stop this before I did a whole lot more than kiss her back. I reluctantly ended the kiss, lifted my head, and just enjoying gazing at her. She was flushed and had a rather dazed look on her face. So beautiful. I was entranced.

Suddenly, joy overtook me, a feeling I hadn't felt in forever…perhaps never. It came bursting out of me, expressing itself as a happy grin across my face.

Bella looked a bit astonished. Then, she grinned back at me and said, "Edward, you should smile more often. You're so very handsome, but when you smile, goodness, you _dazzle_ me."

She thought me handsome? That shouldn't please me, but it did. And I dazzled her. I wasn't sure what exactly that meant, but it sounded good, and it seemed to please her.

"Ah, then my smiles shall only be for you, Bella."

Grinning, she shook her head in amusement.

"Such a charmer. I did it again, didn't I? I tell you not to not touch me, and then I end up _kissing_ you. It's not you that's the bad influence on me, just the opposite."

"I really don't mind," I said, feeling almost light-hearted. I was enjoying this immensely.

She chuckled. "I'm quite sure you don't. Well, I guess I better find Alice and get the rest of my torture over. I'll see you at dinner, my L..." She bit her lip. "...I mean, Edward."

I nodded at her as reached out and took her hand once more. I raised it to my lips and softly kissed the back of it, perhaps lingering a little too long on that soft skin.

"It has been a most pleasant afternoon, _Bella_. I have you entirely to thank for it. May I interest you in a walk around the garden after dinner?"

"That would be lovely, _Edward_." Giving me a coy look, slipped her hand from mine and left the library.

I've had the best day of my life so far, I thought in amazement.

I looked toward the large clock in the library and wished it to move faster, so that I may be in her presence once more.

_Bella. Beautiful Bella_, I kept repeating to myself.

I do believe I was whistling as I went to peruse the bookshelves once again.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are love.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	7. Changes

**Thanks to my beautiful, fabulous beta, Rhi.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Lord Cullen belongs to me. **

**Mumford & Sons has been my constant music companion while writing this story. Give them a listen, I think you'll really like them. "Awake My Soul" for me is Edward's song. **

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 6: Changes**

What on earth had possessed me to kiss Edward again? Was I insane? And to call him Edward and allow him to call me Bella? It seems my heart speaks for my mouth.

Oh, _but that kiss_.

For the first time in my life, I really began to be deeply curious as to what transpired between men and women in bed. I believed I knew the basics, but the way I felt when Edward kissed me was astonishing. Trying to imagine him doing more than just kissing my mouth was enough to make my knees week and my face flushed. I must be very careful. And really, I must stop kissing him! But I admit, I was deeply curious. That had always been my downfall.

Later, at dinner, I glanced over at Edward and saw that he was staring at me. He seemed unhappy with me for some reason. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows scrunched together. I tilted my head slightly, and scrunched my eyebrows together as well, as if to say "What?" He looked down at the untouched food on my plate and back up at my face. That again! Why did the man worry so much about what I ate?

Fine. I'll eat. I speared a small potato and popped it into my mouth. He watched this, seemingly fascinated. Okay, then. The man had a strange fascination with my mouth, I thought. I picked up a small carrot and went to take a bite. I hesitated because he was watching me raptly. Oh. It was suddenly clear to me what was going on here. Well. _Oh my_. I blushed profusely. He was thinking about _that_. The unmentionable thing. Now I was as well.

Still holding my fork up, I quickly glanced around the table, but no one was noticing our little exchange, thank goodness. I turned my eyes back to him and slowly put the carrot in my mouth. Never taking my eyes off his, I sucked on it slightly and then carefully took a bite. His pupils dilated, and his breathing seemed faster. I slowly chewed and swallowed. Then I licked my lips, skimming across my top teeth. Edward narrowed his eyes at me, and he looked at me as if he could ravish me at the table. _Oh my, indeed_.

At that moment the whole house could have been burning down around us, and I don't think either one of us would have noticed. Finally, Jasper spoke to something to Edward, and he was forced to break eye contact with me and turn to reply to him.

Well, that was certainly interesting. I may be playing with fire here. I had told him I wouldn't let him ruin me and here I go again tempting him. I was beginning to think that maybe I wasn't quite the good little Bella I thought I was. At least when it came to Edward, I wasn't.

We finished eating, and Lady Cullen arose, and Alice and I followed her into the back parlor. The men soon joined us. I had been chatting with Alice when Edward walked in.

"Miss Swan. Would you care to stroll with me in the garden?"

"Oh, that would be lovely, my Lord. Let me get a shawl."

"No need. I'll send a maid for one." He yanked the bell pull cord and sent a maid off to fetch my shawl.

"Alice, how about we stroll as well? Mother?" Jasper asked.

"No, thank you, Jasper dear. I'll just sit here by the fire. I feel quite tired tonight."

"I'd love to, Jasper, but I should stay with mother," Alice said.

"Nonsense. Go stroll with Jasper in the garden. I'm fine," said Lady Cullen.

So we all, except for Lady Cullen, ended up in the garden. I noticed a silent, pointed exchange between Edward and Jasper. Edward seemed almost angry, but Jasper shook his head at him and gave him a knowing look. Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Well, let's walk, shall we?" Edward said abruptly, and offered me his arm.

We strolled in the cool evening air, my hand gripping the crook of his arm, and I was content. Alice and Jasper fell behind us, but were never out of our sight. Figuring out that Jasper and Alice were chaperoning us, I looked up at Edward in amusement.

"Doesn't trust you with me, does he?"

Edward sent me a startled look, and then pursed his lips. "As well, he shouldn't. When it comes to you, Bella, I can't seem to keep my hands to myself."

"Oh."

Well, there was honesty. At least we had that between us.

He glanced back and saw that Alice and Jasper were some ways back now. He took his free hand and laid it over my hand on his arm. He stroked those long, lovely fingers over my hand, and I shivered. We just stood there looking into each others' eyes, and I was not sure of the passage of time.

"Edward, I-"

"So, I hear that you do not ride, Miss Swan," Jasper spoke up suddenly from behind us.

I nearly jumped, and Edward quickly let go of my hand. We turned to face Jasper and Alice. Jasper's face was unreadable, but I knew what he was about, and I was grateful. I needed someone to make sure I didn't lose my head when I was with Edward, and perhaps Edward needed someone to make sure he stayed within acceptable boundaries.

"No, I never learned," I finally replied.

What followed was a conversation between us all, with the end result of me being talked into being taught how to ride a horse. The thought actually terrified me.

Saying I was tired, Alice agreed she was as well, so we turned and went back into the Hall. From there, I made my excuses, and Lady Cullen, Alice and I went upstairs to prepare for bed. Jasper and Edward headed towards Edward's study, I presume to consume some alcohol of some sort.

What an interesting day I'd had. With all that had transpired I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep, but I found myself out to the world as soon as my head hit the pillow.

**x~x**

The next few days were spent with, at first, Edward trying to teach me to ride. But he kept getting worried I would be hurt and fussing at me, so Jasper, who had the patience of a saint, took over the teaching. Under his calm influence, I soon had my horse trotting. I admit, at first I was terrified, but once I got the hang of guiding the horse, a sweet gentle mare named Sunshine that Edward had picked out for me specifically, I really enjoyed riding.

It was apparent to me, and Edward as well I'm sure, that we'd been discussed by Jasper and Alice. Apparently some sort of mutual agreement was between the two of them not to leave us to ourselves. At first, I found this both amusing and a relief. Edward was temptation itself, and the less time I spent just him and me, the better for my self-control. Though I admit, it began to be annoying after the first few days that he and I couldn't have our private discussions like we used to.

Even though I saw Edward frequently, I began to miss him. I realized the stupidity of this and the foolishness of wanting to be alone with him. It didn't change the fact that I was looking for an opportunity to have him just to myself, even if only for a few precious minutes.

Finally, this opportunity came when he summoned me to his study the next day. It was right before dinner, and everyone else was busy in their rooms getting dressed for dinner. He sent Janet, the maid, to collect me, and I hurriedly descended the stairs and strode quickly down the hallway before Alice and Jasper emerged from their suite. Knocking on the study door, I heard Edward say, "Enter."

I turned the handle and opened the door and was greeted with Edward's green-eyed intense stare. I shut the door behind me, and walked forward until I was standing in front of him. It had been five long days, and I had missed him mightily. I hadn't realized until his family came, how much I had enjoyed just he and I together. Sharing a meal, a cup of tea, discussing current events, or just talking about the girls and what they had learned that day. Oh, that was wrong, but at this moment, I didn't care.

"_Bella,_" He said as almost a plea. That was all I needed to hear.

I reached my arms up around his neck and put my lips to his. His arms wrapped around my waist and almost roughly pulled me to him. This kiss wasn't sweet; it was deep and forceful and made me feel things I didn't realize my body was capable of. More. I wanted more.

Edward ran his hands up my back and then back down to my bottom and pulled me tight to him. I was shocked for a moment at his hard body, a certain place extremely prominent, but then I was wickedly delighted.

He pulled his lips from mine and started kissing my throat as if he could eat me up. Thank the Lord he was holding me tightly, because I was swaying and would have fallen otherwise. My body felt funny and ached in places I was too embarrassed to name. I gripped his face and pulled his lips back up to mine.

He kissed me, ran his tongue along my lips, and then raggedly whispered, "Open." I did, and then he did the most amazing thing: he caressed my tongue with his! This was overwhelming, and I began to lose the ability to think straight. The only thing I knew in that moment was that this glorious man was making me feel alive.

With a groan, he pulled his lips from mine, his breathing harsh. He stepped back from me a bit, placing his hands on my shoulders as if to check himself, then he raised his hand and cradled my face.

"Bella, darling. What am I going to do with you? You make me insane."

I leaned my face into his hand. "Not as insane as you make me."

We just looked at each other for a moment, realizing how much things had changed between us and maybe we should decide where to go from here.

"Bella, we need to talk. This has been on mind and-"

Just then there was a knock on the door. Edward dropped his hand and moved away from me. I was truly frustrated. What had he been about to say?

"Enter," Edward said angrily.

Jasper opened the door and walked in. He gave us both a pointed look. "The ladies are in the parlor. I thought I'd let you know."

"If I may escort you, Miss Swan?"

Jasper offered me his arm. What else could I do but take it? I gave Edward one last regretful look before I walked out with Jasper. I heard something heavy hit the floor in Edward's study as we proceeded down the hallway. I glanced up at Jasper. He was looking straight forward, but his lips twitched in amusement.

When Edward finally joined us in the parlor, he seemed composed, but he shot Jasper an annoyed look, and then turned his eyes to mine and gave me a heated one. Oh. He really shouldn't do that to me. It made me feel all flushed. What if his mother noticed? That would be mortifying.

Dinner was interesting as usual, with Edward making sure I ate and me trying my best to either annoy or provoke him. Jasper, of course, always put a stop to this if we got too out of hand. Really, the evenings were quickly becoming my favorite time of day.

**x~x**

The next day I was in the schoolroom with the girls going over a geography lesson with Adele when Mark, the footman, knocked on the door and told me my presence was required in the formal red parlor. I didn't even know there _was _a formal red parlor. It must only be used for special occasions. Oh my. Then I was nervous. I told Mark that I was going to freshen up, and I'd be down directly.

I changed into one of the new lovely dresses Alice had had fitted for me, touched up my hair, and washed my face. Thinking I looked as presentable as I could, I went in search of a footman to tell me where the red parlor was.

When I entered the parlor, I halted in surprise. Lady Cullen was in a chair to the right, Alice beside her. Jasper stood behind Alice's chair. To the left was a formidable looking older woman on the settee, beside her an older gentleman with an air of authority about him. I had no idea who they were.

I searched for the one person I wished to see most and met Edward's eyes. He was standing at the fireplace, his elbow resting on the mantle. He looked decidedly unhappy. Then I was worried. What was going on?

Lady Cullen spoke, "Isabella, this is the Duke and Duchess of Glastonburgh."

My_ grandparents_? I quickly curtsied and bowed my head. "Your Grace," I said, addressing both of them.

"Come here, child," Her Grace demanded of me.

I stepped forward, and she inspected me while I stood there nervously. I studied her face for traces of my mother. I thought I could see a slight resemblance. I glanced over at my grandfather and noticed that he had my mother's nose and chin, which I, too, had inherited. Finally Her Grace spoke.

"Your mother, child. Who was she?"

"Renee Drake. She married Charles Swan."

"Did your mother ever speak of her family?"

"Never, Your Grace. I was led to assume my mother had no family."

She frowned at this and looked at her husband.

"Well, we certainly deserved this, didn't we?" His Grace said to his wife.

He sighed and stood holding out his hands.

"My dear Isabella, you must call me Grandfather. I can see from your face that you are indeed my dear Renee's daughter. So many wasted years. No more." He patted my arm and turned to my grandmother. "Isabella must come to live with us. We'll take care of her and I must make a settlement upon her. And she must have a season in town and a worthy husband found for her."

"Indeed," my grandmother replied as she arose. She took my hands and looked intently into my face, and I was surprised to see that there were tears in her eyes. "Oh, I miss my Renee. What fools we were. Now I'll never see her again. Please, my dear Isabella, call me Grandmother, and come stay with us so we may get to know you and take care of you."

I was beyond speech. I had family, and they wanted me. I couldn't wait to get to know them and spend time with them.

But that would mean…

Then it hit me. An almost wrenching pain went through me._ No_. How will I bear it?

I looked over and met Edward's green eyes. His mask was down, and the realization had already hit him. I would be leaving him. His face showed the pain I was feeling and trying to hide. He ran a hand through his hair and looked as if he would speak, but what could he say? He held no claim on me. He had neither the right nor the ability to keep me here. He dropped his head in defeat, breaking eye contact with me.

I turned back to my grandmother and said quietly, "That would be lovely. I am most eager to meet the rest of the family and get to know you all."

"Well, then so it shall be. Tomorrow," she said with a pause and glanced at Edward frowning, "we'll set off for Sunderley for a week or two, and then off to London to prepare you for a season which is almost upon us. There's much to do to prepare."

I simply nodded, feeling almost numb. Tomorrow.

"Now, I think we'll retire, for the journey was quite fatiguing. Good evening, my dear."

I leaned over and kissed my grandfather's cheek and then my grandmother's. Grandfather seemed touched, and Grandmother reached up, patted my cheek and smiled at me.

They left, and I most unlady-like plopped down on the settee. _Tomorrow. I would leave here tomorrow_. I looked at Edward, but his head was down, and I couldn't know what he was feeling.

My mind was spinning, having trouble processing this recent turn of events. One thing was for certain, it was evident to me that my grandparents disapproved of Edward. They couldn't get me out of Ward Hall fast enough, it seemed.

Everyone was quiet all through dinner. Edward was in a foul mood, and it was making everyone else unhappy.

"Miss Swan. May I have a word with you after dinner?" Edward asked me. It startled me when he spoke, for it was the first time he had all evening.

"Of course, my Lord."

He scowled at me.

The men did not linger over port, and Jasper soon joined us ladies in the parlor. My grandparents had not come down to dinner, whether it was due to being tired, or the fact that they disapproved of Edward and his reputation didn't matter. It was a slight.

A footman summoned me to the library, and Jasper went to follow, but I held up my hand. Whatever Edward and I had to say to one another, this would be the only time to say it. I wouldn't have Jasper there hovering over us.

He frowned but nodded at me.

When I entered the library, Edward was standing in front of a large globe on a floor stand. He was slowly spinning it with his beautiful long-fingered hand. He continued to stare at the spinning globe as he spoke.

"They're taking you from me."

"Yes."

"They'll buy you dresses and fripperies. You'll look like a fine lady of the _ton_."

"Perhaps."

"They'll take you to London. To the opera, dinner parties, soirees, and balls."

"I imagine they will."

"They'll introduce you to all the right people. You may even meet the Prince Regent."

"I do not care."

"They'll find you suitable men with titles, money, and sterling reputations so that you may choose a husband."

"It does not matter."

Finally, he looked at me, and I almost swayed from the emotion on his face.

"But they'll be suitable for you. _Good _men."

"It's too late. My heart is already engaged. They'll be nothing to me."

He looked at me, seemingly overcome with strong emotions. His mask was gone, and I saw his anguish. I nearly swayed, feeling as if I had been stabbed in my heart.

"Bella. Don't leave me," he pleaded sadly.

"I…must, Edward."

He ran his hand through his hair and seemed both angry and sad now.

"Well, then go! As if I was ever even good enough to kiss your shoes. As if I ever deserved an angel like you anyway. Go from me."

His chin fell to his chest, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

I was silent. He was hurt, and I could not comfort him. We must part, and he must be strong. We both must be.

I stepped forward until we were chest to chest and looked up at his handsome face. He would not meet my eyes.

"Edward, if you care for me, then come for me. Woo me. Win my hand."

At this, his stormy greenish-gray eyes met mine, and then nothing on this earth mattered to me but him.

I couldn't stay, but I could kiss him one last time. I reached up and placed my lips to his. He held me fiercely and kissed me like a desperate man. I was crying as I almost ferociously kissed him back, gripping his hair as if I could hold him to me forever. I yanked myself away from his lips and then placed my hands on his dear face. His own hands were cupping my face, his thumbs gently wiping away my falling tears.

"Bella. I swear. _I will come for you_. If you will have me, love."

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I nodded, and then gave him one more quick kiss. I stepped back from him, trying to memorize that face I loved.

"I'll be waiting, darling."

I forced myself to turn away and went upstairs to pack. We were to leave first thing in the morning after breakfast.

At the time of departure, we assembled in the foyer. Edward was there, but completely silent, and looking rough as if he hadn't slept. I'm sure I didn't look much better for I hadn't slept at all, either. I was glad the girls were in the nursery with a maid. I couldn't do that twice. The good-bye's from the girls this morning had been tear-filled and wrenching.

I would miss them and Edward so much. So very much.

As we left Lady Cullen hugged me, and then Alice. Jasper took my hand and said he hoped to see me in London.

I stepped up to Edward. He formally bowed, and I curtsied to him. He then took my hand and kissed the back of it.

"Miss Swan. Take care and thank you for everything. I cannot express enough my gratitude for your service to my family. Until we meet again," he finished softly as he looked up at me through his lashes.

My chest hurt. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. I can't do this! When would I see him again? _When_? How would I get through each day without seeing those beautiful eyes looking back at me? How?

I realized I had been taking too long to respond and was beginning to draw attention to us both. I gave him everything I could with a look.

"My…Lord. Until then," I said softly mumbled, holding back my tears.

He briefly nodded, and I felt him squeeze my fingers, and then he released my hand. He straightened up, stepped back, and I saw the cold mantle fall over him. He had retreated to save himself pain. I wished I had the same defenses.

The last thing I saw as the carriage was driving away was Edward's face looking dark and brooding as he stood on the front steps. I was facing backwards in the carriage and kept eye contact with him as far as I was able.

No longer able to see him, I turned my head to the wall of the carriage, closed my eyes, and tried very hard not to cry.

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**Sunny**


	8. Separation

**Let me just say, you all have been amazingly kind to me with this story. I love it, and it brings me such happiness that others love it as well. Your reviews always make me smile.**

**Love and gratitude to my beautiful beta, Rhi.**

**As always, I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do, however, own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 7: Separation**

Pain. I've never felt pain like this.

Until she left here, I hadn't known how wrenching the parting would be. It had only been two days, and already I was going out of my mind.

My family, for the most part, gave me a wide berth. I closed myself off in my study and drank. At least that dulled the pain some.

What a selfish bastard I was. Here she was getting a family, a place in society, money, clothes, all the things she should have, but the thing I was most frightened of was losing her, of her going to London. There, she would be introduced to all the finest eligible bachelors of the _ton_ and with her beauty, and I'm sure generous dowry from her grandfather, would be an excellent catch.

The thought of another man even _looking_ at her made me almost crazy with jealousy. I had skipped last season in town, but nothing short of death itself would keep me from London this year.

There was a tap on the door. "What?" I spat out.

Jasper opened the door and peeked in. "Is it safe?"

"What do you want? To gloat? Go away."

"Now, Edward, I would never kick a man when he's down. I came to commiserate with you and share some of your scotch. Well, that is, if you haven't drunk it all already."

I made an annoyed motion for him to help himself. After pouring his drink, he flopped down in a chair, and threw his leg over the arm of it.

I sat at my desk, with my arms folded, my head resting upon them, completely ignoring Jasper.

"So, it's only been a couple of days, and you're already a mess. It's not like she's gone forever, you know. She'll have a season in London, and you'll have a chance at her like everyone else."

"Jasper, go to bloody hell."

"Now, that wasn't very nice. Why don't you make some plans instead of sitting around here like a lovesick puppy?"

"Plan what?"

"Well, for one, how you're going to woo Miss Swan and ask for her hand in marriage. And, for another, how you're going to convince her grandparents that you're good enough for her."

I sighed. "Well, hell, I might as well give up now. I have about as much chance of convincing anyone that my character is good as I do in flying to the damned moon."

"You love her. Correct?"

"Love her? I don't even think that's a big enough word."

"How does she feel about you, Edward?"

"I think she loves me as well," I said in wonder and disbelief.

"I think she does, too."

We were both quiet for some time. Jasper sipped his drink, and then spoke again.

"You know who we haven't visited in a while?"

I just shrugged.

"Emmett. He and Rosalie are surely due a visit, don't you think?"

"I don't care to visit anyone."

Jasper continued on as if I hadn't spoken.

"Emmett's home is in Hampshire."

Why was he telling me this? I knew where the hell Emmett's bloody house was.

"Know what else is in Hampshire?"

I was beginning to get really, really annoyed. Like _punching-Jasper-in-the-face_ annoyed.

"Either tell me where this is leading, or go the hell away!"

"Sunderley is in Hampshire. Just down the road from Tambridge, Emmett's home."

At this, I sat up straight and met Jasper's eyes.

"Ah, yes, I haven't visited Emmett in some while. Perhaps I'll write him and ask if we may visit."

"I thought you might," Jasper said, his lips twitching in amusement.

Jasper went to bed, and I wrote out a letter to Emmett immediately so it could be posted in the morning.

**x~x**

A week later, we arrived at Tambridge. Emmett came bounding down the front stairs wearing a huge smile. He may be the Marquess of Ware, but he acted like an overgrown schoolboy most of the time. He pumped first Jasper's, then my hand, in earnest greeting, and then kissed Alice on the cheek.

Mother wasn't with us as she had stayed at Ward Hall with the girls and to look for a nurse for them. I couldn't contemplate a new governess for them yet. Maybe ever.

"Welcome!" Emmett said in his booming, cheerful voice. "I haven't seen you bast-I mean, you all in a year."

He shot an apologetic look at Alice, but she just grinned. She was married to a military man and had me for a brother. She had heard it all.

After going inside, we greeted my cousin's wife, Rosalie, whom everyone considered very beautiful with pale skin, blue eyes and blonde hair, but I had never found her to be. Her beauty seemed cold and unapproachable to me, especially now after Bella's soft, warm beauty. I thought of Bella's rich chestnut hair, deep brown eyes, and glowing skin. No, Rosalie could never compete with that. I also found Rosalie to be bossy, loud-mouthed, and condescending.

She had once tried to capture my attention before she married Emmett, but I had given her the cold shoulder. She held no appeal for me. I could not understand what my cousin saw in her to marry.

After dinner, Emmett, Jasper, and I sat in Emmett's study and drank our brandy.

"So to what do I owe this visit? It's been ages since I've seen or heard from you bastards. Jasper, I can understand because of the war, but you, Edward, you move into Ward Hall, take over the title and estate, and nothing. I hear not one word until last week."

"Forgive me. I was dealing with my father's death, taking up the reins of the estate, trying to get my girls settled at the Hall, and...find them a...governess." I couldn't even say Bella's name.

I felt Jasper's eyes on me, but I wouldn't look at him.

"Well, did you?" Emmett asked.

"Did I what?"

Emmett looked at me like I was daft. "Find them a governess?"

"Yes and no." I really did not want to have this conversation right now.

Emmett, giving up on me, turned to Jasper. "Has he totally lost his mind? What's he talking about?"

I stared straight ahead. _This ought to be fun_, I thought sourly.

"Oh, Edward is in love!" Jasper exclaimed cheerfully.

I frowned and glanced at Emmett, who sat there stunned beyond speech. Then he blinked and his face lit with a huge smile.

"Really? Oh, this is _brilliant! _Edward, you cold bastard, in love! I cannot _wait_ to meet the woman who finally brought you to your knees. She must be something. Oh. _The governess_," he said as realization dawned on him.

I was highly offended. Bella wasn't "something," she was perfect.

"_Something_. I'll have you know Miss Swan is without compare," I declared most strenuously.

Emmett and Jasper looked at each other, then burst out laughing. They laughed so hard, they were both holding their stomachs.

Jasper, gasping for breath, said, "It's been so much fun, Emmett! I wish you could have been there. Edward in love has been the most entertaining thing I've probably ever witnessed. And he's right. Miss Swan is fairly amazing. She's not one bit afraid of Edward and gives as good as she gets. Wait until I tell you the story of me confronting him, Emmett. Oh, it's priceless! He was so angry that I thought he was going to hit me!"

Cue more laughing.

"If you two asses have finished laughing at me, perhaps you bastards could give me some ideas how to best make a good impression on the Duke and Duchess of Glastonburgh."

Emmett finally stopped laughing and looked at me. "Why?"

"They're Miss Swan's grandparents."

"Oh, hell. You really do have a problem, don't you?" Emmett asked with wide eyes.

**x~x**

The next afternoon found us all at Sunderley. I thought my home impressive, but Sunderley, being the seat of a Duchy was enormous and intimidating. We stepped into the entrance and looked in awe at the impressive foyer. It was four stories high and the floor and columns that lined it were marble. Everything looked very shiny, very valuable, and very...cold. I couldn't imagine Bella here. It was like a tomb.

The butler escorted us all to the parlor. It was an enormous room with beautiful murals on the walls and ceiling. It had large windows, huge gilded mirrors, and French furniture. It was meant to impress. It worked.

Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice, and I walked in and greeted the Duchess. We all took our seats and Alice and Rosalie made trivial small talk with Her Grace.

I was near to leap out of my skin. I sat in my chair tapping my fingers on the wooden arm until Emmett sent me a look. Where was Bella? It had been now eight days since I had seen her last, and I was desperate for a look at her beautiful face.

Finally, after an interminable time, a footman opened the door and in walked my angel. She was wearing a lovely new dress and her hair was arranged in a soft and flattering way. My beautiful Bella. I drank her up with my eyes.

She had her back to the room and hadn't noticed us yet. She said something to the footman, and he gave a little answering grin. I looked over and noticed Her Grace frown. Bella was kind. She knew all the servants at Ward Hall by name. I imagined she would do the same here. I found it charming, but Her Grace was of the sort apparently that believed one was not friendly nor deign to notice servants except to give orders.

Finally, she turned, and then froze, her eyes locking with mine. I had already risen, along with Jasper and Emmett, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to run across the room and scoop her in my arms. The need and want to touch her was almost overwhelming, I haltingly took a step toward her, drawn to her, needing her…then Alice spoke and broke the spell. Bella finally looked away from me to Alice.

"Mrs. Whitlock! And, Colonel Whitlock! How nice to see you!" Bella walked up to Alice and Jasper, who were standing, and gave Alice a hug. Jasper took her hand and kissed it. "You're looking lovely, Miss Swan."

Truthfully, I was about to explode from the need to touch her, even just her hand, the way Jasper just had.

She turned to Emmett, who was standing, and looked from him to Rosalie and looked back at Alice.

"Isabella, this is our cousin and his wife, the Marquess of Ware and Lady Ware. Their home Tambridge is just a couple of miles away, and we were visiting them, and since you were nearby, we decided to come to see you."

"I'm most glad that you did," she said to Alice and curtsied. "Lord Ware. Lady Ware."

Emmett grinned. "Nice to meet you, Miss Swan. I've heard much about you." Rosalie simply nodded at Bella and acted bored.

Finally, she turned to me and curtsied. I had been sitting away from everyone so no one was in our line of sight. She realized that her back was to everyone and gave me a look of such longing, it took my breath away.

"Lord Cullen," she said quietly.

I could not look away from her face. I stepped up to her and took her hand. I leaned down, kissing the back of it. Her skin. I may live now that I've touched and kissed her soft skin. Then I realized that I was close enough that others couldn't see my expression. I looked up at her and sent her a look full of adoration.

"Miss Swan." I couldn't help the deep inflection of want in my voice.

She blinked, her lips parting slightly, before I released her then trembling hand. She turned and sat down near me. I quickly sat in the chair next to hers, shifting my body to face right so that I may gaze at her, even if it was only her profile.

Her Grace had silently watched all this. She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. Oh, she had my measure. She looked from Bella to me and pursed her lips. I believed I had a fight on my hands.

I turned my head and studied Bella's beloved profile. She was worth it. Whatever I had to do, however I had to behave, whatever I had to say, I would do it gladly. I loved her and would have only her as my wife. If I had to win over a formidable fortress of a woman to do that, then I would.

Tea was brought, and Alice began to charm Her Grace, dragging Rosalie into the conversation with them.

"Your Grace, I brought my design book from my modiste Madame Sauvage, and I thought perhaps we could go over some designs for Isabella's dresses for the season," Alice said.

"Madame Sauvage? She's your modiste? However did you manage that? She's the best and only takes by recommendation. Do you think she would design dresses for Isabella? Yes, I will gladly look at your book," Her Grace said eagerly.

They arose, and Her Grace, Alice, and Rosalie went over to a small table and chairs on the far side of the room.

Jasper walked over to Bella and asked, "Care to look at the view from the windows, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, thank you, Colonel Whitlock," Bella replied. After taking Jasper's offered hand, he guided them to the window furthermost from her grandmother.

Emmett strolled over to me. "Cousin, care to stroll the room?" and he gave a wink and a chuckle.

I looked around at my family. Alice had managed to seat Her Grace with her back to the rest of the room and she and Rosalie were deep into dress design discussions. Jasper had led Bella as far away as possible from her grandmother, and here Emmett stood in on it, too. I realized then with surprise, and some emotion, that my family cared for me. Despite everything I had done in the past, they loved me and were helping me. I didn't deserve this. And I would certainly not waste their effort. I stood and followed Emmett to the window where Bella and Jasper were standing.

I met Bella's eyes, and she gave me a small smile. Oh, how I'd missed her! Jasper and Emmett then got into some deep idiotic discussion about who could take who in a fight and walked a short way away from Bella and me giving us some privacy. They were the best friends and relatives in the world, I thought.

Bella and I stood very closely side by side, seemingly taking in the view out the window. I turned my head to the left and just drank in the sight of her.

"_Bella_. I've missed you so very much. It's like half me has been missing."

"_Edward_." She sighed and briefly closed her eyes. "Not as much as I've missed you. The other half of me _was_ missing. I cannot tell you how joyous I was to walk in and see you here. I had not thought to see you until sometime in London. The thought was enormously depressing. Oh, how I've missed your face, Edward," she said with much warmth and went to raise her hand to touch me, but realized we were not alone and dropped it back to her side.

"Bella, I don't know how much time we have here today, darling. Will you meet me around noon tomorrow at the bridge leading into the village? Will you be able to get away? I'll have them with me." I motioned my head to indicate my family. "We'll make it look like an accidental meeting. It'll be above reproach. Will you?"

She glanced over at her grandmother's back. "I'll be there even if I have to sneak out. Wait for me."

"I'll wait all day if I have to, Bella," I said earnestly.

She gave me a sweet look and closed her eyes for a moment. I longed to pull her to me. To put my hands in her hair and kiss those soft lips. To lay her down and sweetly shower her body with affection and then bring her passion until she panted my name…I gritted my teeth and tried to tamp down my wayward libido.

She opened her eyes and said quietly, "How are the girls? I miss them so."

"They're well. They miss you. I'll have you know that I'm under strict orders from Adele to bring you back to Ward Hall, and Katie says I'm a bad father for letting you leave." I briefly smiled, and answered with a sad grin. "Mother stayed with them and is trying to find them a nurse. I just couldn't replace you. No one could."

"Edward, I-"

"Isabella! Come here. Look at this, and tell me what you think," commanded Her Grace.

She gave me an apologetic look and turned to go, but she tripped on the rug, and I had to reach out and catch her from falling. My arms automatically encircled her, holding her up, her face mere inches from mine. The longing to kiss those beautiful lips was almost killing me.

Bella didn't move immediately; she very discretely titled her head back and whispered in my ear, "Only yours. Forever."

She pulled out of my arms and gave me a loving look. I was stunned. There was only one answer to that, and I whispered very softly to her, "As I am only yours. Forever, Bella."

We just gazed at each other, lost in each other's eyes, until Jasper walked up to Bella and offered his arm to escort her over to the ladies.

Emmett came over to me and leaned in to speak softly, "You really do love her, don't you, Edward?" I just looked at him and nodded."She sure is pretty, and she seems...kind." Emmett said this in wonder. Rosalie would never be called kind by anyone.

"She's truly a good person. She's an angel."

Emmett studied me for a moment and smiled. "I like this Edward."

I chuckled. "Sure is a different one from the cold bastard I used to be, isn't it?"

"The love of good woman can change any man."

I nodded, and then prayed Emmett was right in that Bella loved me.

We spent a short while longer at Sunderley and then made our good-bye's.

As we were leaving, Bella gave me a nod, and I nodded in return. Tomorrow could never come fast enough for me, but, oh, what a blessing this day had been.

* * *

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**Much love,**

**xoxo**

**Sunny **


	9. Proposal

**Thanks to my lovely and very talented beta Rhi. Your ideas are always the best. Love you bunches!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not. This story belongs solely to me.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 8: Proposal**

I had been one week with my grandparents, and already I understood why my mother had to get out of this life. There was a rigidness and formality that went along with being a Duke. It was the top of the nobility, just under a prince of the realm, and being so far up in line for the throne, there was deference and power. Even the meals were occasions. There was a footman for each place standing behind us. Ridiculous. I lived in fear of making some faux pas and was never ever at ease here.

And Sunderley, it was like living in a mausoleum. Enormous, cold, intimidating, and no sign of life. I missed the informality of Ward Hall. Meals weren't some high occasion- just times when we ate, and I could converse with the staff at any time at Ward Hall. Here, you walked down the hall, and a maid dusting would turn around and face the wall and stand very still until one passed. Servants here were to be neither seen, nor heard. I found it all to be a bit...disturbing. Were they not human beings as well? I defied this and spoke with my maid and any footman or any other maid I came across. I was friendly. It was my way.

I tried to imagine my mother here and failed. My mother had been fun and full of life, and my happiest memory of her and my father was walking along the seashore, my mother barefoot, holding my father's hand, and smiling. My grandmother would fall over from apoplexy if she ever saw such a thing.

Not that my grandparents were bad people, just...formal. They had been kind to me, and Grandfather had insisted on making a settlement on me that would stay mine even if I married. So, I knew I need not worry about money any more. That was freeing in a way I never imagined. I thanked him profusely, but he insisted it was the least he could do for me.

The worst part about being at Sunderley, though, was that I missed Edward. I loved him. I knew that with every fiber of my being. Not being near him, not being able to speak with him and see his beloved face was painful. I also missed Adele and Katie. I had become quite fond of them.

We were off to London at the end of the week, so at least I would be out of this tomb of a house, but I was worried about how the house in London would be. Surely just as big and cold. And I had never been out in society. The thought of it was more than a little intimidating.

I was in my bedroom beyond bored when Amy, my maid, came and told me we had visitors. Well, at least that was something interesting, I thought. Amy helped me change my dress and arrange my hair. I looked in the mirror and decided the new hairstyle was quite flattering. Amy truly was a wonder with hair. I descended the stairs and headed toward the parlor. I stopped at the door and spoke with Billy, the footman. He was sweet on Amy, and I praised Amy to him over my hair and told him what a fine ladies maid she was. It made Billy grin.

Then, I felt it. His presence. Him. I turned, and Edward was there. In the parlor. I was stunned and amazed. What was he doing here? And why, oh why, did I waste so much time on my dress and hair while he was _here_, and I could have been in his presence so much sooner?

I couldn't break eye contact with him. I drank him up, took him in, felt I could truly breathe again. I didn't care how or why he was here; I only felt enormous joy that he was.

Then, Alice spoke and broke the almost spell I'd been under. I hadn't even noticed she was there. Minding my manners, I went to greet her and Jasper. With them was a huge man with a friendly, handsome face, and the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was the antithesis of me, with her blonde hair, blue eyes, and perfect skin. She seemed quite bored. Alice introduced them as their cousin, the Marquess of Ware and his wife. Lord Ware I liked immediately, but Lady Ware didn't even deign to speak to me.

I then turned and saw Edward standing a bit off from everyone. My back was now to all in the room beside him, and I looked my fill of him. He stepped forward and took my hand and kissed it, and I almost cried out with joy from his touch. His loving look and quiet, "Miss Swan," were almost my undoing.

I was trembling slightly when I stepped away from him, but I couldn't and didn't go far. I sat quite close to him. The devil may take my grandmother and her looks. I saw the frown and pursed lips at Edward. She would do what she could to keep us apart, but I had made my choice, and she would not stop me.

Then the most amazing thing happened: his family, seemingly working as one, except perhaps for Lady Ware, manipulated the situation to where Edward and I could have a quiet moment together. I was in deep gratitude and awe of their kindness. Surely they must love Edward very much to do this for him. Edward, with his self-loathing, really didn't understand how many people cared about him, I thought.

Being able to speak with him and see his face was like a gift. I almost touched him once, but stopped myself before I did. It had been almost killing me. To be near him and not touch him. Not be able to kiss him, and I most longingly missed his kisses.

Then, he asked me to meet him on the morrow, and I swore to myself I would do whatever it took to be there. Even if it meant sneaking out. Grandmother, finally realizing I had been left alone with Edward, called me over, and I regretfully had to go. But I _had_ to touch Edward and have him touch me.

As I turned, I pretended to trip so that he would catch me. Oh, heaven! Edward's strong arms wrapped around me. I could live here, safe in his embrace, I thought. Then, I did the reckless, but the one thing true to myself. I had ended up with my back to Edward's chest, so I leaned back and spoke softly in his ear what I knew as my truth, "Only yours. Forever." He slowly released me and gave me the reply that pierced my soul: "As I am only yours. Forever, Bella." We just gazed at each other until Jasper came and escorted me over to the rest of the ladies.

When they left, I nodded at Edward that I would be there, and I began to scheme for the morrow in my mind. I missed him already and was most anxious for the next afternoon, but God had blessed me this day.

x~x

The next day, I told grandmother I was riding into town and took Duncan, the nice old half-deaf groom, with me. I chatted with him, and then pleaded that he forget everything he heard and saw this day.

"Ehhh, what was that, Miss Isabella? You know I can't hear a thing," he said and laughed. Yes, he was a dear, and I felt safe that none of my misadventures this day- and I surely was about to have some- were going to get back to my grandmother.

We rode toward town, and as we approached the bridge, I saw my Edward looking most fine in his riding breeches, jacket, and hat on an enormous stallion. He truly was the handsomest of men. I glanced around to see who had ridden with him. I noticed Jasper, Alice, and Lord Ware, but was relieved Lady Ware wasn't with them. She didn't seem very nice.

Then, my eyes went right back to Edward, as I rode up beside his horse. He was looking quite intently at me, but I was happy, joyously happy, and sent him a huge smile. I was outdoors, the sun was shining, and Edward was here with me. All was right with my world at the moment.

Sharing my joy, he smiled back at me, and I heard Lord Ware say, "Bloody hell. I didn't even know Edward _could _smile."

Edward glanced over at Lord Ware and said sourly, "Go to hell, Emmett."

"We're going to ride ahead." He motioned me with his head to follow him.

We rode side by side, almost never breaking eye contact. The others, including Duncan, the groom, fell behind. We rode in silence, just looking our fill of each other, and then my joy at being with him over took me, and I smiled at him and sighed happily. He graced me with a crooked grin in return.

"Bella. I adore you, you know," he declared with the sweetest look.

I grinned. Oh, my joy couldn't be contained on this glorious day!

"I know. And I love you."

Oh, my. _What did I just say?_ Dear, Lord!

He pulled up hard on his horse to stop it and reached over and grabbed my reins to stop mine. Next thing I knew, he had pulled me off my horse and placed me in his lap in front of him, holding me tight to him with his arm. I was shocked and surprised and...loving it.

"_What did you say, Bella_?" He asked me, his face fierce and close to mine.

I placed my hand on his cheek and said softly, "I love you, Edward."

Then joy broke across his face. He cupped my face with his hand and said, "I love you, too, Bella. With every fiber of my being, I love you." Then he kissed me softly.

Jasper rode up beside us. "Um, Edward. _What exactly are you doing_?"

Never taking his eyes off me, Edward replied, "I'm asking Isabella to be my wife."

I gasped. He gave me an intense look and said, "Bella, say, '_I'll marry you, Edward_.' Say it now."

"I'll marry you, Edward."

My joy and smile were so big, that surely they must be brighter than the sun.

He then laughed and kissed me hard.

"Edward smiling, laughing, kissing and proposing marriage to Miss Swan in the middle of the road! The man's lost his mind. Edward in love is a crazy man," Lord Ware said in amazed amusement.

"Edward, stop. You're making a spectacle in the lane. You can't just kiss Isabella here! What if others besides us see?" Alice said, quite shocked.

"They can go to the devil," Edward replied, and then kissed me quickly again.

I ignored everything except Edward and just snuggled into his chest. I really couldn't bring myself to care right now what anyone thought about me. Edward had asked me to be his wife, and I accepted. Joy was my only companion in this moment.

"_Edward_. There is a way to do this properly, and this is not it. Do not dishonor Miss Swan with your actions," Jasper said quite seriously to Edward.

Edward sighed and looked down at me.

"He's right. They all are. I'm acting like a selfish, crazed fool. Forgive me, Bella." He slid us both off his horse and sat me down. He stood there looking at me earnestly. "But I did mean everything I said. I just went about it incorrectly. Next time, I'll do this right. Yes, love?"

My head was spinning, and I was having trouble adjusting to everything that had just happened, but I knew what he was asking.

"Yes, Edward. Let's do this right. And I meant everything I said to you, too." I gave him a soft smile.

He smiled that crooked smile at me and took both my hands and raised them to his lips, kissing them. "It looks like tomorrow I'll be paying a visit to your grandfather. I pray he's in a charitable mood."

"I'll pray for that as well."

x~x

The next day found me pacing in the foyer. Edward was with my grandfather in his study asking for my hand in marriage, and I was beyond nervous. I knew how my grandparents felt about Edward and his reputation, but he had changed. Surely they could see that, couldn't they? What if Grandfather said no? If I married Edward anyway, they could make his life very difficult. My Grandfather was very powerful and influential, and I wasn't sure of the consequences of me disobeying him.

Finally, Edward emerged from the study and was walking down the hall, his strides clipped. Oh no. This had not gone well. He walked up to me and just stood there trying to control his anger.

"Bella, I'm sorry. That was most unpleasant, but not a surprise nor undeserved. Your grandfather gave me many things to think about." He ran his hand through his hair and shot me a sad look. "He's right. I don't deserve you," he said quietly.

"I'm going to do as he says and give you your season in London and see if there is another man, a good man, you can love and be happy married to. If you still want me after that, then I'll be waiting."

I was horrified. I didn't care that there were footmen hovering, probably latching onto every word we were saying. I laid my hand on his arm. "_Edward, no. Don't do this. I don't want any other man. Only you_," I said quietly and fiercely.

"You haven't _met _any other men, Bella. I'll be in London. We'll see each other at social functions. I had to do this, Bella. I had to promise your grandfather."

Now I was angry and frightened. I took his hand and pulled him into the empty parlor and shut the door.

"Edward, _what did you promise_?"

"That I wouldn't ask again for your hand in marriage for six months, and I wouldn't sneak away to Gretna Green with you for a quick elopement."

"_Six months! _Are you insane? Why did you do that, Edward?"

"I had no choice!" He said in total frustration.

"Edward, I love you. I want to marry you. You proposed, and I already said yes. I am of age. Nothing can stop us if we wish to marry."

"The Duke can."

"Tell me. What is it?" I asked desperately.

"I cannot. Suffice to say it's bad, and my family would not want it to come to light. If I do what Glastonburgh says, then he'll keep quiet."

Then I was furious.

"I'm going to speak to him. This is not to be borne!" I turned to leave, but Edward grabbed my arm.

"No, Bella. Leave it be. He won't tell you anyway, and you really don't want to know. We'll wait. We love each other. That won't change, will it, sweetheart?" He asked tenderly.

The fight went out of me. "No, that won't change. It'll only grow stronger. What is six months? Nothing."

He pulled me to him and hugged me tightly, kissing the top of my head. I tilted my head back and looked up at his beloved face.

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Bella. More than life itself." He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss. "I'll see you in London," he said and stepped back, just holding onto my hand.

"I'll be waiting," I said and squeezed his hand.

He gave me one last tender look, slowly released my fingers, and went out the door. I slumped down into the nearest chair, overcome with emotion.

* * *

**A bit of a game changer. The road was never going to be easy with these two.**

**Thanks for reading and review if you would be so kind.**

**Much love,**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	10. Complications

**Thanks once again to Rhi my lovely, wonderful beta, and many thanks for the reviews and love for this story. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. Lord Cullen is owned by me.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 9: Complications**

I stormed into Tambridge and headed straight for Emmett's office. Emmett and Jasper were there already, so I slammed the door closed behind me and began to pace.

Emmett stood up. "What the hell? Edward?"

"Didn't go well, huh?" Jasper asked.

I stopped pacing and looked from Jasper to Emmett.

"He knows."

There was a stunned silence, then a clipped "How?" from Jasper.

"I don't know. Who else knows beside us three, Alice, and Mother? The doctor isn't a possibility since he died in a carriage accident a couple of months ago."

"I've never told another living soul," Jasper vowed.

"Well, I've only discussed this with you two, and of course, Alice and Mother."

As one, Jasper and I turned and looked at Emmett. He slumped down into his seat, shock upon his face.

"Oh, dear God. Why? Why would she do this?"

"Emmett. Whom did you tell? _Rosalie_? Why would she do this? She knows the consequences if this got out!" I yelled.

Emmett covered his face with his hands. "I can't believe she would do this. Betray me and the whole family this way! I thought we had gotten past the difficulties in our marriage. Oh, dear God. What has she done?"

"And why now? The only thing that has changed is that I want to marry Bella," I said.

He dropped his hands to his desk and looked straight at me.

"You know why. Jealousy. You didn't want her, and she can't live with the thought of you picking another woman over her. I think she's still in love with you, Edward. It's always been you. She only married me for spite. She told me that herself. She's the worst mistake I've ever made."

I slumped down in the nearest chair.

"What? _Loves_ me? Emmett, I don't even _like_ her. Truthfully, I've never been able to stand her. She would do this to you and the family just to _spite_ me?"

Emmett just looked at me. The answer was obvious. He then got a hard look on his face. "We'll deal with this later tonight. Right now I must speak with _my wife_," he said in disgust, then stormed out of the study.

"What did Glastonburgh say to you, Edward? Tell me everything," Jasper demanded.

"He told me I was a rake and a scoundrel, and that I wasn't good enough to marry Bella, which is true. Also, that I had to promise to give Bella a season in London to see if there was another man she would want, and that I wouldn't sneak off with her and elope. He said six months, and then he'd reconsider my marrying Bella. And then he said our family was tainted, and that he knew. He didn't know everything, but enough to ruin us all. He knows he can control me with that knowledge. I don't think he's ever going to allow me to marry Bella. I'll defy that, and then things will get ugly for our family and society."

"Hang society," Jasper offered.

"If only that were our only problem and that easy to dismiss. But there would be an inquest. That would destroy us. I'm sure that no matter the verdict, we would be ostracized. The whole family. My girls. Any of my future children. What kind of life for them or marriages? Bella would never be able, nor wish to marry me then. I'm sure the crown would strip me of my title, confiscate my estate- if we're lucky, only mine- and my father's body…no! This _cannot_ get out. It'll kill my mother and be the ruin of us all."

I cursed as I kicked over a chair in my anger.

Jasper was quiet. The enormity of it all had been made clear to him. Now he realized it wouldn't only be my ruin, but his and Alice's by association. This was dire indeed.

Finally Jasper spoke. "We should've foreseen something like this. Been more careful about whom we told and kept it just between you and I. Why Emmett thought he could trust Rosalie is what I don't understand. She's never been a good person. She hates it here at Tambridge and she treats Emmett horribly. I don't even think she likes him at all. Actually, she doesn't like any of us. I don't think she likes anyone but herself, and I even have doubts about that."

"She's a bitch."

Jasper curtly nodded. "That she is, my friend."

x~x

I returned to Ward Hall, and I began preparations for our moving to London for the season. Alice and Jasper returned to their estate to prepare and would meet us in London. Mother had hired a nurse for the girls for which I was grateful for. I had a couple of lose ends to tie up here before London, but I was impatient and quick tempered with everyone in the meanwhile.

I was in my study, going over the books for the estate making sure things were in order before we departed, when there was a knock on the door.

"Enter."

"Edward, do you have a moment?"

"Certainly, Mother."

She sat down and looked me in the eyes. "You go to London in pursuit of Isabella."

It was a statement, and the answer was obvious, so I simply blinked.

"It will not be easy to convince Glastonburgh that you're the right man for Isabella."

"I know this, Mother. I've already discussed that with Glastonburgh, and he refused me. I was given 'conditions,' which I must abide by to have a chance to wed Bella," I said in frustration.

"Conditions? Why?"

"He knows, and he's holding it over my head to control me."

"_Dear God_. Who told?" The color drained from her face.

"Rosalie went to Glastonburgh. Apparently, she fancies herself in love with me" -I almost shuddered at that, the most repellant thought I could ever have- "and was jealous of me pursing Isabella. Emmett's cast her off and shipped her off to his remote home in the Scottish highlands. I doubt we'll hear from her anytime soon. Hopefully never again."

"But Glastonburgh knows," she murmured, still in shock. "If he tells…"

"Yes, we all know the consequences if he tells, Mother. That's why I had to promise that bastard to give Bella a season in London to see if she wanted a 'good man.' I had to promise not to propose to her again for six months, and not to run off and elope with her."

"Edward, you speak as if you and Isabella are engaged. You proposed to her already?"

"Yes, and she accepted. She said she loves me," I said in wonder. I still had yet to get over the fact that that beautiful angel loved me.

"I knew that, Edward. And you love her as well. I'm not blind."

I looked at her, shocked. "You knew?"

"Of course. And she's exactly what you need. She'll be a wonderful mother to the girls and make you a most excellent wife. So this is why I come out of official mourning and go to London to help you in society. I want that lovely girl to be my daughter-in-law and the future mother of my grandchildren. Also, our family _must _band together as one now."

I was more than a little stunned at all this. "Thank you, Mother. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that."

"Edward, I'm your mother, and no matter what you've done in your life up to now, I do love you. I want you to be a good man, and I think Isabella is the woman to help you become that."

"I know she is."

x~x

I leaned against the wall, my arms crossed, and a scowl upon my face. This was nothing but torture. There stood Bella, _my_ Bella, with a bevy of fools around her. Fawning over her, offering her drinks, asking her insipid questions, and jostling for her attention.

I hated them all with an insurmountable passion.

I was giving that about five more minutes, and then I was going over there and removing every one of those asses by their too starched collars if necessary.

She currently was conversing with Sir Percy Firth. He was a good man and good-natured, and I'd always liked the man, but he was speaking to Bella, so that made me hate him.

Finally, she looked up and met my eyes. I don't even remember moving, but next thing I knew, I was standing in front of her. I held her eyes for a moment longer, then glanced around at the five asses surrounding her, meeting each of their eyes, giving them my most haughty and cold look. I not only outranked every one of them there, I also topped them all in height by at least a foot. Deferring to my rank, and my look, which I knew could be intimidating, they quickly cleared off.

I turned back to Bella who had her lips pursed and a cross look upon her face.

"Really, Edward?" she whispered. "You don't have to scare them all off at _every single_ social engagement we're both at."

"You're mine and no one else's, Bella, so yes, I do."

"Come with me," she commanded.

I followed her out into the hallway and down to the library in the Winston's house. Another boring house, another boring musical soirée, and yet another evening of endless aggravation of watching Bella be chased by every eligible bachelor of the ton.

She entered the library and waited for me to enter and then closed the door.

"What do you think you're-?"

My mouth was on hers and kissing her before she finished her sentence. Her shock lasted about two seconds, and she had her hands in my hair, kissing me back with passion. Dear God, I had missed her. I had missed this. I had to remind her who she belonged to and who loved her. I became pure primal male wanting to mark his woman.

I tore my mouth from hers and began kissing her up and down her throat, and then across her exposed shoulders. She gripped my arms tightly, as a soft moan escaped her. That nearly drove me out of my mind.

My hands began to roam over her body. Down her back, cupping her bottom, I pulled her to me. She gasped and grabbed my face and pulled my mouth back to hers.

Her breasts...I _had_ to touch them. I cupped her breast, teasing her nipple through her gown, feeling almost dizzy from the feel of her hard nipple under my fingertips. Bella moaned softly and ran her hand across my stomach. I pushed her back against the nearest bookcase and kissed her with all the bottled up frustration I held inside of me.

In that moment, I was lost...lost in love, lost in lust, lost in Bella. She was all I could feel, smell, hear, and taste, as if the entire universe had condensed to simply she and I.

I tore my lips from hers and began to madly kiss her neck and any bare skin I could. Never would I be able to get enough of her. I had my hand on her bodice, ready to pull her dress down and expose her, I'm sure, perfect breasts, but paused.

I looked at her face. Her head was thrown back against the bookcase and her mouth slightly open. Her skin was flushed from my kisses, and I had never seen anything more beautiful than her in that moment. Then, my head began to clear, and I realized I was almost taking the woman I loved and admired most, amongst all women on earth, against a bookcase in a stranger's library. Anyone could walk in and catch us, and it would be the ruin of everything.

_Ass. Fool._

I slowly took my hands from her and stepped back. I looked down at the floor. I was truly disgusted with myself. I was not a good man. I was treating this precious, perfect woman in a truly abominable manner. She was good. She was pure. Untouched. I was well versed in the art of love making and could have taken her easily, but then she would have resented me. Hated me, even. But not as much as I would have hated myself. I was already furious with myself.

"Edward?"

I didn't speak. I was lost in shame and loathing at my behavior.

"Edward. Look at me."

I took a deep breath and met her eyes.

"Don't do that. I wanted that as much as you did. I'll not let you think badly of yourself. You're only human, Edward, and you want me as I want you."

"Bella, it seems I can't do _anything_ right when it comes to you. My selfish nature takes over, and I find myself doing what I know to be wrong, but I do it anyway. I'm not a good person, Bella. Why on earth you'd would want to marry me, I really don't understand." I dropped my eyes from hers.

She was quiet for a moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was firm and almost angry.

"Edward Anthony Masen."

I met her eyes at that.

"You listen to me and listen well. I love you. I. Love. You. That means I love everything about you, good or bad. You're not a bad person, you're human and made up of good and bad, just like the rest of us. I want to marry you because I love you. I want to be your wife and spend the rest of my life just loving you. Do you understand? _I love you_."

I was overcome with emotion in that moment. She loved me. Despite all I ever done in my life and the way I'd treated her, she loved me. It was almost enough to make me believe in God.

I pulled her to me and cupped her face, searching it, for what, I did not know.

"Bella. I love you. Never forget that. It's you or no woman for me as long as I live. No matter what happens, I want you to always remember that."

She pulled her eyebrows together as she shook her head.

"Edward, nothing is going to happen. All right? We're going to get through this…together, darling. And I'm sorry for getting upset with you earlier. Though, your whole hovering and glaring thing you do is kind of embarrassing. Everyone notices and understands your claim. Those men are just being nice to me."

"Those asses want to marry or dally with you. That is unacceptable. We may not be able to wed right now, but we _are_ engaged, even if it's in secret. You're mine, and they should understand that. I want _everyone_ to understand that."

She wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest.

"Edward, nothing can separate us, but ourselves. We must be strong, lean on each other, support each other, and these next five and half months will fly by."

I sighed and wrapped my arms tightly around her waist. She was right, of course. I was being an ass again, but my jealousy was almost impossible to contain.

"I'll try to behave better at these gatherings, Bella, but promise me, please, that you won't encourage any of these buffoons. I would hate to have to call any of them out and kill them."

She looked at me and smiled, appreciating my little joke. Well, I was only half-joking really. The first bastard that touches her is a dead man.

I kissed her quickly one last time and sighed. "We better get back to the others. You'll be missed. Be in the park tomorrow, love, if you can. In the morning, around ten."

I straightened up the front of her dress and smoothed down her hair. Her kissed lips and still flushed cheeks couldn't be helped.

"I shall try. I better go."

She laid her hand on my cheek, and then lightly touched her fingers to my mouth. I kissed her fingers, winning a soft smile from her before she left the library.

It had only been two weeks, and already, I was like a horse chaffing at the bit. I had known that this would be hard, but I'd had no idea how difficult it really would be to see her with other men.

At least we got to speak tonight, and I got to hold her, kiss her, and touch her. It was wrong, and it must not happen again, but because I wasn't good, I wouldn't regret it.

I waited some time for my reaction to Bella to recede. Back to almost normal, I stepped out of the library, took a deep breath, ran my hands through my hair, adjusted my cravat, pulled down my waistcoat, straightening it, and squared my shoulders.

_Back into Hell_.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Wondering what the big secret is? Can't say yet, but for that time and that place, it was a deadly sin and considered unforgivable. **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	11. Annoyance

**Thank you to Rhi, my terrific beta. I truly love and appreciate all you do.**

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Lord Cullen is mine.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 10: Annoyance**

London hadn't been what I expected…it was much, much worse.

My grandparent's house in Grosvenor Square was almost as enormous as Sunderley, and if I thought that things were formal there, well, I was grossly underestimating the way things were done in London among society.

I had been introduced to Madame Sauvage, the modiste- if that was her real name. I had doubts she was even French. Alice had recommended me and got her to design dresses for me. Due to this, Grandmother practically doted on Alice and highly approved of her…Edward was another matter entirely.

I had been fitted out with more dresses than any woman should ever own. I now had to change my dress several times a day for different occasions. I found this to be truly ridiculous. And then the accessories: gloves, chemises, hats, garters, hose, shoes, parasols, fans...it truly was endless. No wonder women wanted to marry men with money. It was a small fortune just to keep a woman in all her dresses and 'fripperies,' as Edward had called them.

_Edward._ I missed him so. He was in London with Lady Cullen, the girls, and Alice and Jasper. I knew this because of Alice and her visits and her trips with me to the modiste. She and I were becoming great friends. I'd never had a close female friend before. I was enjoying for the first time in my life the pleasure of having someone to share my thoughts with, converse with, or share a laugh. Plus, she was Edward's sister, and I could ask her of news of him and even get her to pass a letter to him.

I had already been on a couple of social calls and had, of course, sat in on calls here. I must say, society women, for the most part, were dull, insipid creatures. All they ever wanted to discuss was the latest cut of dresses, the newest lace, the color of ribbon one needed, or some other ridiculous thing.

I was so bored I could scream. I was used to teaching and reading and conversing with people, well, Edward, who had some sense about them. I had tried talking about books I had read or politics with some other younger women I had met, but I'd been met with blank stares. Then, they would turn to another silly creature and begin gossiping. Really. Society was such a bore.

Even Alice, whom I was beginning to love as a dear friend, enjoyed nothing more than to talk dresses and fashion plates. That held absolutely no interest for me. I would wear the same dress all day long and only own maybe ten of them if it were up to me.

I was annoyed that I would only be seeing Edward at social engagements. And I'm sure at those I would barely get a chance to speak to him, and of course, touching him would be out of the question.

Frustration became my daily companion. I longed for the days back at Ward Hall, with just him and me, and the girls. The quiet meals, the little arguments, just the ability to be in his presence. I'd not realized how special that time was until it was gone.

Finally, today, I hoped to see Edward. We had been in town for a few days, and I was attending my first true social function now that I had what my Grandmother and Alice decided was decent dresses and accessories. We were attending a musicale at the Harrington's, when Edward walked in about a half an hour before the music began. I had been standing, talking to a nice man named Sir Jacob Black and a couple of very silly young ladies, named Miss Lauren Mallory and Miss Jessica Stanley. Lauren I disliked almost immediately. She seemed kind of crass and made several snide remarks about others at the musicale. Actually, it was she was who alerted me to Edward being there.

"Well, my, my, my. What do we have here? The Cold One himself. Back in London. Jessica, do you think he comes in search of a wife? How's my dress? My hair?" Lauren asked.

"Oh, good grief, Lauren! As if he would notice you! I would think if Lord Cullen comes to London in search of a wife, a Viscount would look higher than a Baron's daughter as a suitable match." Jessica sniffed.

Edward. They were discussing _my _Edward.

My head whipped around, and I found him. There. By the doorway. His eyes were on me. I felt that funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and longed to touch him. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he had just read my thoughts. His mouth quirked oh, so slightly, up to the side, a trace of that glorious smirk, and then his eyes slid to Mr. Black, and his face became hard.

_Really, Edward_, I thought, _you have nothing to worry about. _As if I would want any man other than him.

Mr. Black seemed annoyed by the Edward talk, and he had not missed the look Edward had sent him. He narrowed his eyes at Edward, and then turned to me. "Miss Swan, may I get you some punch?"

"Yes, thank you."

He really was a nice man, I thought. Fairly handsome as well, with strong features, almost too long black hair tied back in a queue, and nearly black eyes. He was a striking man, but nothing at all compared to my Edward. No one could compare to his amazing face and form.

"I'm going to ask Mama to introduce us," Lauren said to Jessica. "He's most handsome, and worth a veritable fortune. I'd be set for life, so would my family. I think I could live with his coldness. Actually, I would just stay in London, and he could live at Ward Hall and those '_children_' of his could be shipped off to boarding school. Oh, I could have my own house and have the most fabulous dinners and own all the dresses I could ever want! Yes, I must have an introduction."

Jessica and I just gaped at Lauren. Had she been thinking out loud? People did not say such things in public. It was quite outrageous.

Then, I got angry. Really, really angry. _How dare she?_ That vile girl. She wasn't even good enough to polish Edward's boots. To speak of Edward as just some conquest to throw off when obtained and to talk about my Adele and Katie like that! _Boarding school indeed_. And Edward was _mine_. To have her speak of my man that way was infuriating to me. It just would not do.

"Perhaps, _Miss Mallory_, Lord Cullen is looking for more than a vapid, silly girl to be his wife. Perhaps Lord Cullen would not care to be cast off from his wife and his children shipped off to boarding schools. Perhaps…you reach above yourself, Miss Mallory," I said quietly with a definite edge to my voice.

Lauren sneered at me. "Really, _Miss Swan_? Oh, yes, I forget. _You _know _all_ about Lord Cullen. Do you not?"

I straightened up to my full height, which wasn't much more than a half inch taller than Lauren, and tried to adopt the cold demeanor I had seen in my Grandmother and Edward.

"I'm sure I do not know to what you are referring. If it's regarding Lord Cullen's behavior, that has been beyond reproach. As to mine, perhaps we could discuss it with my Grandfather or my Grandmother. I'm sure His Grace and Her Grace, the Duke and Duchess of Glastonburgh would be _most interested_ to hear what you have to say about their granddaughter."

I crossed my arms and held her eyes, daring her to go further.

Lauren's face paled, suddenly realizing she might have just made a grave, unforgivable social blunder.

Jessica decided retreat was the best defense and tugged on Lauren's dress sleeve and said, "Ah…oh! I see Mother motioning for me. Come, Lauren. Good evening, Miss Isabella."

Lauren regained her composure, as she cleared her throat, and sent me an apologetic look. "Good evening, Miss Swan."

I took a deep breath and uncrossed my arms as they quickly scuttled away. Well, that had been most unpleasant. Would I have to deal with that everywhere I went?

"That was well done."

Edward. I turned, and he was there, looking at me with approval.

"_How dare she_? Insult both of us like that! What a vile girl!" I hissed in whispered anger.

"My fierce little kitten. You're adorable when you're angry. Did I ever tell you that?" His eyes crinkled in amusement.

"Edward." I glanced around, but no one had heard him. "Be careful."

He frowned and looked around the room. "I don't give _one damn_ about anyone in this room besides you."

"Your language, Edward. _Behave._"

He sighed. "Yes, love."

I shushed him. If anyone had just overheard any of that, there would be problems for us.

Mr. Black walked up to us with my punch, and I had the very awkward duty of introducing him to my angry, hovering, and very possessive secret fiancé. He cleared off pretty fast, and Edward stayed by my side until my Grandmother saw he and I together and pulled me away to greet others in the room. She had been most displeased with both of us.

That was just one of many tortuous social engagements we had both attended. I often had to scold him like a naughty child over his behavior. People were starting to notice. He would stay close by me whenever we were at the same engagement, leaning against a wall or column, arms crossed, a scowl on his face, watching everyone man who approached me and giving them looks like he wanted to kill them. It made me uncomfortable because people were starting to talk, and not quietly, about he and I. The things I overheard were not flattering toward either one of us.

I'd finally had enough at the Winston's. Almost two weeks of his glowering and threatening looks at my admirers was enough. After he scared off that nice group of men I'd had around me, I'd commanded him to follow me so I could give him a good set down and tell him to behave once again.

Edward, of course, had other ideas and kissed me. No fool I, I kissed him back. I would have let him do much more because once his lips met my throat and shoulders, I was lost. Actually, I believe Edward had forgotten where we were and that anyone could have come in and caught us. When he touched my breast, my knees had nearly buckled. Heaven, help me! More. I had wanted much more. His hands on me everywhere. His lips trailing kisses across my skin. I threw my head back and just lost myself in him and the pleasure he had been giving me.

Suddenly, he had stopped and stepped back. I was bewildered and trying to pull myself out of the fog of wanting he had unleashed in me. I raised my head and tried to get my bearings and noticed my love just standing there. His head was down, looking at the floor, his hands clenched in tight fists, and I could feel the anger towards himself from where I stood. Oh, no. He would not do this to himself. I would not allow it. I'd known full well what he had been doing to me, and I'd done absolutely nothing to stop it. I was just as guilty as he, and I wouldn't let him hate himself over me.

I thought carefully of what to say to him. I had to make him understand I loved him. I didn't care about his past. My eyes were focused on our future together and our love. I tried my best and think I finally made him see the depth of my feelings for him. I prayed I did. He was my whole world now, and I couldn't lose him. I just couldn't.

He thought me some perfect angel without fault. Well, I wasn't. I had plenty of bad traits as well. I had a temper, and was headstrong, stubborn, willful, impatient, and tenacious. I held onto something and didn't let go. Well, Edward was mine now, and I'd be damned if I let him keep us apart because he didn't think himself good enough for me. He was so insecure in his love for me.

I wished that I could make him see that I would never choose another over him. It was him. It would _always _be him.

x~x

The next day Alice had come for a social call and suggested we stroll in the park. Grandmother said it was fine as long as we took a footman along. The butler, Jamieson, sent Billy with us. When we arrived in Alice's carriage, I saw Edward, Adele, Katie, and a kindly looking older woman I did not know alighting from a carriage near us. I looked over at Alice who had a smirk on her face. These Masen's were seriously diabolical, I thought. But I loved them for it. I couldn't wait to see Edward and the girls.

There were plenty of others around, so we couldn't let this look planned. Alice and I alighted from the carriage and went on into the park. We kept walking some ways, trying to get away from the populated areas and until, finally, we got to a quiet spot and sat on a bench. Not too long after that, along came Edward, Adele, Katie, and the Nurse, whom I had found out just now from Alice was named Mrs. Brown.

When Katie saw me, she yelled "Miss Swan!" joyously and ran to me, arms outstretched. I stood and picked her up and swung her around, hugging her. She kissed my cheek as Adele ran to me and hugged my waist. I stood there holding Katie with one arm and hugging Adele with the other, and realized how much I cared for these sweet little girls.

"Oh, Miss Swan! We've missed you! When are you coming back home? Soon?" Adele begged.

Oh! Knife in the heart. My eyes met Edward's, and I felt a sadness that I couldn't describe. Who knew when I'd ever be able to marry Edward and be back at Ward Hall. And then, for the first time, I realized that these two girls I had in my arms, if I ever was able to wed Edward, would be my daughters. I would be a mother!

I pulled my eyes from Edward's and looked at Katie. She looked so much like her father, with his odd bronze hair and green eyes, except softer, more feminine features. She would be a beauty for sure. I then looked at Adele, with her dark hair and grey eyes; she was petite and quietly pretty, and looked a lot like her Aunt Alice. I would be their mother. Their mother! I squeezed them tightly and gave Katie a kiss on the cheek. I was almost overcome with emotion in that moment.

I looked back down at Adele and said, "I don't know the answer to that, Adele. Someday soon, I hope."

Nurse Brown came to my rescue saying, "Girls, let's go walk over by the pond. I brought some old bread to feed the ducks."

The girls agreed, but I had to say something; I already felt protective of those girls. "Please, be careful by the water. Stay far from the edge, girls."

Nurse Brown gave me a soft smile. "Don't you worry none, Miss Swan. I won't let any harm come these girls. I promise."

I nodded at her. She glanced from me to Edward; I'm assuming she'd figured out a few things about him and me today. She looked back at me and winked, and then taking both girls by the hand, walked on down the path.

Edward walked up to me. I had teary eyes, and he looked concerned.

"Bella, are you all right, love? Is it the girls going by the pond? I can tell Nurse Brown no. I'm sure she'll keep them safe, though."

"No, that's not it."

I glanced over at Alice, who was trying very hard not to eavesdrop on our conversation, but had to stay near to chaperone. And then, there was Billy not too far away trying very hard not to look in our direction.

He couldn't touch me here, and I saw it completely frustrating him. He reached up and ran his hand through his hair.

"Bella, then, what is it?"

"I…just realized for the first time when I was holding the girls, that, perhaps one day…I would be… their mother." Then a few tears did fall.

I heard a frustrated groan from Edward, and he took my hand. He tugged me along to a copse of trees, where we were mostly hidden, and pulled me into his arms.

I cried a little on his chest, while he held me.

"Bella, I love you. I love you more every day if that's even possible. You'll be a wonderful mother to my girls. They already love you. It's just a matter of time until we're a family."

That didn't help. I wept more.

"Edward, I'm so impatient. I want that now! I want to be back at Ward Hall with you and Adele and Katie. I don't want to be here in London. I hate it here! I can't stand all these social engagements and shallow people. I just want to go home."

"Bella," Edward said roughly, his voice breaking, "I hate it here, as well. I want nothing more on this earth than to marry you and take you home. We just have to wait. Please, be patient, love, and be strong. You've been the strong one so far. Lean on me a bit, and I'll be the strong one now."

x~x

I was sitting in the chair at my dressing table, and sighed as I thought of that time in the park yesterday. _Edward_. I couldn't wait to marry him and begin our life together. These next five months were a trial to be borne. I must be patient and strong and let nothing tear us apart.

Tonight was my first ball, and I wasn't looking forward to it. I didn't dance well, and really the only person I would want to dance with would be Edward, but I couldn't dance more than two dances with him or any unattached man, for that matter. To do so would be tantamount to announcing you are engaged.

Amy, my maid, had traveled with me from Sunderley. She was from London and enjoyed being back in her hometown. She was a nice girl that I liked very much, and we got on splendidly. She was an excellent ladies' maid, and she was also quite pert and vastly amusing. A petite girl with curly red hair, pale skin, freckles, and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. She was adorable, and no wonder the footman, Billy, was so in love with her. I had requested the butler, Atkinson, to send Billy to London. I knew he and Amy would miss each other terribly these next six months if he had to stay at Sunderley.

She was arranging my hair and stopped with the brush in her hand and walked around to stand at my side.

"Miss Isabella?"

"Yes, Amy?"

"I…wanted to thank you, Miss, for your kindness. You're a blessing to work for and so kind. And I think you had something to do with Billy being brought here to London with us."

I simply nodded with a little smile.

She took a deep breath and said, "I thought as much. _Thank you_, Miss. It means more to the two of us that you will ever know. I don't mean to bother you none, Miss, I just wanted to say is this; I can keep a secret. Even to the grave. So can Billy. If there ever is anything you have need of, and I mean _anything_, Miss, I will do it gladly."

She looked at me intently as if conveying something of great importance.

I furrowed my brows. What was I missing here? What did she know? What did Billy know? About Edward? About Edward and I? _The park_. Of course. Billy couldn't have helped but have seen me and Edward. She must be talking about that.

"I…understand, and I'm fairly sure that I may never need such devotion, but I thank you all the same. That truly means a lot to me."

"Just remember what I said, Miss. I can keep a secret." She went back to arranging my hair and helping me dress.

It wasn't until much later on that I understood what she had been trying to tell me.

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**Sunny**


	12. Jealousy

**Thanks to my awesome beta Rhi. Love you so much!**

**I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. The contents of the story belong to me.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 12: Jealousy **

_Damn it all to bloody Hell_! I was angry, frustrated, annoyed, and becoming less patient by the day. I almost just forgot everything and said to hell with it yesterday when Bella was crying in the park. When I'd held her while she was crying, I'd just wanted to make everything right for her. Move mountains if need be. There was nothing I wouldn't do to make her happy. But I couldn't. The fate of my entire family rested on an awful secret. Whether it was the truth or not, it would be our ruin.

I realized that I was going to have to tell Bella. She had a right to know everything before we wed. She may not want to wed me after that, so I as of yet had not said anything. I was being selfish and putting off that unpleasant task, because I was afraid she wouldn't want me after she found out. _Damn Rosalie to the pits of Hell._ And maybe there was some anger towards my own father there as well.

And then this damned ball tonight. Other men would want to dance with her, and I have to stand back and allow it. That would truly be Hell on earth. Well, one thing was for damn sure; I was getting my name on the supper dance. I'd be damned if another man was escorting my woman into dinner.

Simms helped me into my tailcoat, double checked the tie of my cravat, and brushed invisible lint off of me. I looked in the mirror. I wondered what was it Bella saw in me. Was I handsome? I was a man and really didn't know or care about such things as whether men were handsome or not. But she had called me handsome that wonderful afternoon in the library at Ward Hall. So…perhaps I was? At least to her. That's the only thing that mattered to me.

Was it my personality? I thought of all my bad qualities: I could be rude, abrupt, condescending, short-tempered, and possessive, especially of Bella. Did I even _have _good qualities?

I looked at my form. Well, not too bad, I guessed. I tried to keep myself fit, but that really didn't matter to Bella. She didn't care about superficial things.

What was it she saw in me that she found worth loving? I wish I knew. One thing I was sure of, I would try to be a better man to be worthy of such an angel.

x~x

Alice, Jasper, Mother, and I arrived at the Foster's ball which looked like quite a crush. Oh, joy.

We alit the carriage and went up the front steps. As soon as we were announced, I left the rest in search of Bella. After a few quick inquiries, I discovered Bella and her grandparents hadn't arrived yet. I took up a position near the front entrance, crossed my arms, and awaited Bella. I was going to make damned sure I was the first to see her and be the first name on her dance card.

Finally, after what seemed like an endless amount of time, Bella and her grandmother arrived. I looked her over in wonder. I was near dumbfounded by her beauty. This beautiful woman loved me? It was almost beyond my comprehension.

She was clothed in a light blue silk dress, high-waisted in the Empire style of the times. The dress was adorned with darker blue piping, delicate embroidery, and small pearls decorated the bodice and a wide blue ribbon to match the piping ran just under her bust ending in a bow to the left. It was simple, yet absolutely stunning- just like Bella. She was wearing opera length gloves, and her hair was pulled up softly on top of her head with curly tendrils hanging down her back and soft curls by her face. She had on a pearl necklace, ear bobs, and a pearl and sapphire tiara was in her hair. She was perfection.

She was handing her wrap to the waiting footman and hadn't noticed me yet. I just waited for her to turn and meet my eyes. She suddenly turned and looked straight at me as if sensing my presence. Her mouth came open in a small "O" as she looked me over. What? I wondered. I glanced down at my clothing. I was wearing cream dress pantaloons, a double-breasted dark blue silk tailcoat over a light cream waistcoat, and a white ruffled shirt. I'm sure my shoes, hose, collar and cravat were perfect as were the gloves on my hands. Simms would allow nothing less.

Nothing seemed remiss with my dress, so I glanced back at Bella. She closed her mouth and gave me a small knowing smile, and softly bit her lip. Dear Lord! Ah, so she liked how I looked, then? That minx. Well, I sure as hell liked how she looked.

I realized with some amusement that we matched without even knowing what the other would be wearing. I approached her, amusement crinkling my eyes, my mouth turned up in a small smile.

Taking her gloved hand, I raised it to my lips. "Miss Swan. Words cannot describe your beauty this evening. You, quite simply, take my breath away."

She gave me a warm look. "Lord Cullen, may I say you look _most fine_ this evening as well?"

There were others all around us, so we must be careful, and I saw the annoyed look Her Grace shot me as she handed her wrap to the footman. Ah, well she was not to allow us much time. _This_ I would do, though.

"Miss Swan, could you please pencil me in for the first dance and the supper dance?"

"Certainly, Lord Cullen. I only wish I could pencil you in for all the dances. I have no desire to dance with anyone else," she said softly.

"I'll only dance with you, Miss Swan. No other woman holds any interest for me."

Then, Her Grace approached us. "Cullen," she said abruptly.

"Your Grace," I said and quickly bowed.

"Come, Isabella. I have decent people to introduce you to." And with that, she took Bella by the arm and led her off.

Bella glanced back, a regretful look on her face as she was tugged away. This would be a very long evening, but I was looking forward to dancing with Bella. Even though, truth be told, I hated dancing.

I kept moving, only briefly stopping and talking with a few acquaintances, all the while avoiding hovering mothers and their debutantes like the plague. Finally, finding Alice and Jasper, I stood with them while we waited for the dancing to begin. The first strands of the music started, and I left them to find Bella. She was standing with that man again, Sir Jacob Black, and several others. Anger and jealously hummed through me. I walked up to her with purpose, ignoring everyone else there.

I bowed to her and said, "Miss Swan. My dance, I believe?" I held out my gloved hand for hers.

"Of course, Lord Cullen."

Placing her hand in mine, I led her out to the dance floor for the Polonaise. I thanked God that that new dance called the Waltz, one that was taking Europe by storm, had not yet been introduced into polite society in England. It was quite shocking to most, the holding of women in men's arms and twirling around the dance floor. If that dance ever did become acceptable in society, no one, but me, would ever waltz with Bella.

The dance began, and Bella and I were lost in only each other. I did the steps automatically, having known this dance since I was a younger man. Bella danced quite well, with grace and ease, as if floating over the floor. I was surprised when the music ended. I could have happily danced all evening looking into Bella's eyes. I bowed to her, and she curtsied, then I led her over to her grandmother. Her Grace gave me a look which I ignored. I bowed to both of them and went to lean against a column and let my torture of watching Bella dance with other men begin.

It was worse than torture. Every time she had to take a man's hand to turn or promenade in a dance, I almost leapt across the ballroom. I had to somehow try to get a grip on this jealousy.

Jasper came up and stood beside me.

"Edward, they're just dancing. She loves you. Quit glaring at every man she dances with as if you want to kill them."

"No other man should be touching my woman."

"You have a long way to go yet, my friend. You're going to have to find a way to deal with this jealousy."

"If we could wed, no other man would dare touch her."

"Edward, she's not a possession, you know. You don't own her. You'll never 'own' her."

I sighed. "I know that. I would never treat her like that. It's just…it's killing me, Jasper. To be near her and not be able to touch her. I admit I want everything to be for me. Her words, her laughter, her smiles…everything. I…love her."

"I know that, and believe me, I understand. But this is polite society. This behavior of yours is not really furthering your cause with Her Grace."

"I fear nothing would further my cause with Her Grace. That woman positively loathes me."

Jasper did not disagree.

The dance ended, and I was glad. It was my turn again to dance with Bella.

"Ah, the supper dance. Mine," I said with satisfaction and nodded at Jasper as I rapidly took off to claim my partner.

I led her to the dance floor for the Quadrille. Again, we danced almost as one; even apart for the steps, our eyes never broke contact- as if we were the only two on the dance floor. At the end of the dance, I offered her my arm and led her into supper. I steered her to a table where Jasper, Alice and Mother already were, and held her chair out for her. I then went to fix her a plate of food I knew she liked.

I came back to find two other men, one being Jacob Black, at our table. I scowled at him and set Bella's plate down. I gave him a cold look. "Mr. Black."

"Lord Cullen," he said with a hint of defiance.

"Edward, this is my cousin, James MacKinnon, from Scotland. We just met yesterday. James, Viscount Cullen," Bella said.

"Mr. MacKinnon." I nodded at him.

"Lord Cullen."

I wanted to smash both their faces in and remove them forcefully from our table, but unfortunately, I could not. I sat down beside Bella and pointedly ignored both of them.

They seemed to be having some sort of stupid contest to see who could be most charming to Bella. They were going to die. Slowly and painfully. I said nothing. I just turned my head and glared at them, thinking of all the ways I'd like to finish them both off.

Dinner was barely touched, and we could hear the musicians tuning up for the second half of the ball. I had no more dances with Bella. Now, I must just stand and watch as she danced with other men. If God had decided to inflict upon me torture for all my wrong doings in my past, he could have not have thought of a better punishment.

Bella glanced at me with concern. She knew how hard this was for me. Even now, she was good, thinking of me instead of herself. She then did something I did not expect.

"Lord Cullen, I believe I ate something that did not agree with me. I'm feeling a tad indisposed. Could you please escort me back to my Grandmother? I believe I may need to leave."

I looked at her in concern; was she really ill? She appeared well. She gave me briefest nod, and then I understood. Ah, she wanted to leave. I wanted her to leave as well. I'd had enough of her being fawned over by other men.

"Certainly, Miss Swan." I arose and offered her my arm. She stood and placed her arm through mine, and we took our leave of the others at the table, everyone wishing Bella to feel better.

As soon as we were in a quiet spot out of earshot, she leaned slightly into me and said, "Enough. I wish to be gone from here. I can't dance with you anymore, and you're getting more and more upset. I'm going to tell my grandmother I'm indisposed, so we may leave. I wish there was some way we could meet. Just you and I. I'd love to just talk to you. I miss conversing with someone who has some sense about them, and truthfully, I just miss you, Edward."

She knew just what to say to me to make me love her more. I had missed her, too. So much. Just conversing with her. Sharing little things with her. Our meals together. Even our arguments. I felt I came alive most when she was challenging me.

"Perhaps we can arrange something, love. Let me think."

I quickly looked around and saw we were alone. I leaned my head toward hers and whispered very quietly, "I love you."

So softly I could barely hear it, she said, "I love you, too, Edward."

We gazed into each other's eyes, and then I reached over and squeezed her hand resting on my arm.

I sighed and gave her one last regretful look and turned us both towards the ballroom to find her grandmother.

As soon as she left with her grandmother, my family and I left as well. I had no desire to stay at the ball without her.

In the carriage, I began to plan. It seemed that all my shady dealings in the past would serve me well. I found that amusing and chuckled, startling the others.

Jasper smirked at me and rolled his eyes. You know, Jasper was really starting to annoy me. Always pointing out what I was doing wrong and I still owed him for that day he confronted me over Bella. I believe Jasper was not going to like how I would repay him.

I narrowed my eyes at him as I adopted my cold bastard demeanor.

"Find me amusing, do you, Whitlock? Well, I do believe I owe you for that confrontation at Ward Hall and a few other times. Perhaps we could settle this tomorrow in the boxing ring?"

I watched in satisfaction as Jasper paled, and the smirk fell from his face.

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**Sunny**


	13. Assignations

**Love, thanks, and appreciation to my beta Rhi. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own Lord Cullen. Actually he's starting to own me. **

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 12: Assignations**

I had survived my first ball. I was glad that it was over and there wasn't that many I'd have to attend. My grandmother was being very selective in our acceptances of social engagements, thank goodness. It would be exhausting to attend something of that magnitude every night.

I thought back to Edward at the Foster's ball two weeks ago. I'd never really seen him dressed in his finest, and quite frankly, he had taken my breath away. I found him so handsome, the most handsome man I had ever seen, but he in his finest nearly made me swoon. All I could do then was gape at him, dumfounded for a moment. Then I'd smiled at him in appreciation for his fine form and dress, and he seemed both pleased and amused. Even happy for a moment.

Ah, happy Edward. I lived for happy Edward.

Dancing with him had been a dream. When I danced with Edward, I didn't even realize others were in the room with us. I didn't mind the dancing with other men- they were nice enough- but Edward standing and glaring on the side of the ballroom was enough to dampen any enjoyment I might have gotten from dancing. When he had taken me into dinner, I'd been happy to have some small time in his presence, but found myself pursued by Mr. Black, and then my cousin James, and that annoyed me. Edward's family I did not mind. I knew them well and felt most comfortable in their presence.

I was awakened from my musings in the sitting room, a book in my hand, when Jamieson announced we had callers. In walked my dear friend, Alice, and her mother, Lady Esme. I had come to love Alice, and Edward's mother as well. Esme was quite kind to me and did what she could to smooth things over between our family and hers. I just wish someone would tell me what was so terrible in their family. Surely it couldn't be as bad as all that.

After we had tea, Alice pulled me aside and said she wanted to see my new dresses. I found this odd because she had been with me for both the design and fittings, but oh well; maybe she just wanted to double check them. You just never knew with Alice. We ascended the staircase and turned left down the long hallway to my suite.

Alice, I noticed, had paid careful attention to where we were going, and when we entered my suite, she walked over to my balcony, opened the French doors. and stepped out. She looked around, nodded, and then stepped back in and shut the doors. I found all this very odd. What on earth was she doing?

"Alice, I thought you wanted to see my dresses?"

"Oh, right, but I'm sure they're perfect."

"Alice, what are we doing in my room, then?"

"Oh, I, uh, just wanted to see your suite." She looked around at my green and cream themed suite and pretty French furniture. "Very nice. I like the green, but you look best in reds, violets, and blues."

All right then. This was strange, but Alice was a bit eccentric, well, _a lot_ eccentric, and I had become accustomed to her little quirks, so I just sat down and waited for her to finish whatever she came to my room for.

She crossed her arms and nodded and then looked at me. "All right. Let's go back downstairs and rescue my poor mother from your grandmother." She laughed.

I stood, and she walked over and hugged me. "Someday, Bella, you'll be my sister. I can't wait for that day."

I was touched. My eyes misted, and I hugged her back tightly. "I long for that day, Alice."

x~x

My grandparents and I had attended a dinner at the Earl of Mallen's home, but I had no desire to be there. I was tired and just wanted to crawl into bed. It had been an exhausting week. It had now been three weeks since the Foster's ball, and Edward and I had not yet been able to have any alone time. I missed him so much it was almost painful.

Finally we returned home. I walked into my bedroom and took off my gloves and my jewelry and took down my hair. I had dismissed Amy downstairs for I could undo this dress on my own. I really was tired, and more than a little depressed, and just wanted to crawl into bed and cry a little over missing Edward so much.

I had taken off my shoes and stripped down to just my shift and hose. I sat down on the chair in front of my dressing table and began to roll the hose down my left leg when I heard a noise. I raised my head toward the right back corner of my room where it was dark. What was that I had heard?

I didn't see anything. Maybe it was just my imagination. I continued to roll down my stocking and then started on my right one. There. Again. That noise like an in-taken breath. I quickly finished with my hose and stood and started toward that corner of my room. It was dark there, out of the candle light and fire, but I knew that space to contain my writing desk, chair, a settee, and small table.

Before I could get all the way over there, a match was lit and a candle flared to life. I jumped and put a hand over my mouth and almost screamed in fright. Then I saw him. My love! He was here. In my room! What in the world? I did not know, nor care, in that moment. I simply ran to him and flung myself into his lap. He gaped at me in surprise, then wrapped his arms tightly around me and placed his lips to mine.

_Edward_. I could feel my whole body relax. I was home. I was safe. I was happy.

He ended the kiss and cupped my face. "Sorry to scare you, love, but I had to see you. I was dying a thousand deaths not being able to speak to you and touch you. Forgive me."

"I forgive you. I thank you. My poor heart was hurting from missing you this eve, and I was about to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep."

He gripped me tightly. "Oh, my love, I hate to see you suffer. Know you do not suffer alone. I lie in bed at night unable to sleep for thinking of your face, your voice, the touch of your hand. I'm a tormented man."

I stroked my hand through his hair, and he sighed. "Edward, I love you so much, and I'm so happy to see you, but how in the world did you get in here unnoticed?"

"I love and adore you, Bella." He smiled at me fondly. "I, uh, climbed the tree outside your balcony. It's a supremely fine tree for climbing, by the way."

I gaped at him in amazement.

"You _climbed a tree_? Edward, you? You climbed a tree? To get to my balcony?" I couldn't even comprehend that it was so astounding.

"Yes, love. It was quite simple. Nothing at all."

"But what are you doing here? What if we get caught?"

"I have an arrangement with one of the footmen to alert me to trouble, and you dismissed your maid for the night, correct?"

"Yes," I said warily.

What did he want? If he came here to make love to me, I would not allow that. We had to be careful, and me being with child was not something I wanted to deal with outside of marriage.

"I only came to visit with you, love. Nothing more. I promise."

Relieved and more than a little happy to see him, I smiled widely and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back. We sat for some time just like that, holding each other. I felt it was a dream and was terrified I would awake and he be gone.

I lifted my head. "How are the girls? How's the new nurse?"

He proceeded to tell me amusing stories of the girls, and I laughed and smiled at their antics.

"I brought you a gift," he said.

"Really? Other than yourself?"

He chuckled. "Silly Bella. I'm hardly anyone's idea of a nice gift."

"No, to me you're much better," I said with some emotion.

He shook his head and gave me a warm look. "I truly don't deserve you."

I gave him my most stern look. "Don't start that, Edward."

He sighed and nodded. "Well, then, here's your gift." He handed me two letters. _Letters?_ From who?

"This one first," he said, pointing to one of them.

I opened it and began to read my letter written in large childish handwriting:

"_Dear Miss Swan,_

_I am missing you and your lessons. You were teaching me to write. How is this? Did I do well? Please come back. I liked your stories. Katie misses you and so does Papa. He talks about you to us all the time. I would have liked to have seen you in your blue ball gown. Papa said you looked like a princess. I like when he tells us about you. He is happy and so are we. Please, come back soon._

_Love,_

_Adele_

Oh! Tears. She was doing so well! I was so proud of her writing, and then, what she had said. It was so very sweet. What a good girl she was. So Edward discussed me with the girls. I pictured him and Adele and Katie all together, talking and smiling and happy, and wished desperately I had been there as well, instead of the topic of conversation.

I couldn't wait to read my other letter. It was from Katie but written by Adele.

"_Dear Miss Swan,_

_I cannot write yet, so Adele promised to write it for me if I gave her my pink button. I love that button, but you more. I want to learn how to read, Miss Swan. Please, come back and teach me. Maybe you could marry Papa, and then you would always be here. I think that's what you should do. _

_So do I (this is Adele). _

_Love,_

_Katie_

Now, I cried. Edward held me and rubbed my back. "What's wrong? The girls told me most ardently not read those, so I haven't. Did they upset you?"

"No, it's just that they're so sweet and made me miss them. I love those girls. If we wed, can I still teach them? Please? I love to teach, and why hire a governess when I'm already qualified?"

He gave me and odd look. "Bella, _if _we wed? _We will wed_," he said succinctly. "And I would never keep you from doing something you wanted to do. I know you love to teach, and you despise inaction, so you do whatever makes you happy, love."

I smiled. "Really? You would allow me that? I was afraid I would have to become one of those boring society women who sit around all day, talking dresses, and doing embroidery. I hate to sew! I would be bored to tears within a week."

He set the letters down on the table and picked me up and turned me to face him fully so that I was straddling his lap. He seemed a little angry with me.

He spoke in a stern voice, "Isabella Swan. I am neither an ogre, nor a tyrant. Your life is your own to do with as you wish. As my wife, you can be whatever kind of Viscountess you wish to be. If you want to teach the girls, then teach them. If you want to spend your days sketching and painting, then do that. If you want to run the household and just be domestic, do that. Anything you wish. I just want you to be happy. As long as you're my wife and are with me, _I_ will be happy.

"Oh."

Edward always knew just what to say to cut me to the quick. I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around his neck, and kissed him. His hand slid around my back and pulled me forward. Now, I was chest to chest with Edward, which felt quite wicked being he was fully clothed and I was close to naked. He had most definitely noticed. He had been good so far, but I hadn't missed his eyes roaming over my body, clothed only in a shift that hid almost nothing.

His hands slid down to my bottom and pulled me tight to him. Dear Lord. This was wicked indeed. He kissed me harder, and his hands began to roam. Down my bare arms, to my waist, back up my stomach, and then, just under my breasts, he stopped. He groaned and pushed me back.

"Bella, damn it, I didn't come to make love to you. I'm sorry. Perhaps you should get a robe, and then we can just talk some more."

I didn't want to stop, but I knew we were close to going too far, and we had so many things stacked against us, we didn't need to add me possibly becoming with child to it. I nodded and got off his lap and went and found a nice thick robe and rejoined Edward on the settee, now sitting beside him.

He stayed for some time, just talking to me and holding my hand. I became so sleepy, my head was drooping, and my eyes just wouldn't stay open any more. I felt him stand and carry me over to the bed. He tucked me in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

"I love you, beautiful Bella. May I return tomorrow?"

"Edward, as far as I'm concerned, you can stay forever," I said sleepily.

He chuckled. "I wish that were so, my love. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, my angel, and sweet dreams." He kissed me one more time.

He turned to leave, and I struggled to keep my eyes open. "…love you, Edward. I'll miss you…" I managed to say before I drifted off to sleep.

x~x

The next night, I was agitated. Nothing seemed to be going right. The dinner my grandmother had hosted had been boring, and then James had for some reason decided to set his sights on me. I was now being pursued by my charming Scottish cousin. He was nice enough, but all I wanted was Edward. I was counting the minutes until I could retire and he join me in my suite.

Finally, the night ended, and I was able to escape to my room. Amy was there, ready to help me change. I only allowed her to do the things I could not do myself and then dismissed her. I quickly changed into my nightgown and wrapper, and awaited Edward.

I heard a noise outside my balcony door, and there he stood, my own personal miracle, my beautiful man. He came into the room, and I was up off the bed and running into his arms before he shut the door behind him.

Tonight, I wasn't as sleepy, and we talked for quite some time until I was tired, and then I asked him to lay with me until I fell asleep. I had the joy of falling asleep with Edwards's strong arms wrapped around me. Heaven. I wanted this every night of forever, I thought as I drifted to sleep.

This became an almost nightly pattern. It was only sleeping. Edward never touched me inappropriately. We were both very careful. He simply held me as I fell asleep, and then he left.

I was happy. Content, even. These next four months would be nothing as long as I had Edward with me every night.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are love.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	14. Assurances

**Thanks go out again to my wonderful beta Rhi. I love you. And to Madame Monet for the jewelry idea in this chapter. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own Lord Cullen.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 13: Assurances**

Life was at least bearable now that I saw Bella nearly every night. After a month, climbing that tree had become second nature. I think I could do it with my eyes closed. The days were still hell, being apart from Bella, and then there was the boring and very frustrating social engagements.

I had become a creature of the night and lived for twilight, for I knew my time with my love was drawing near. When I could climb that tree, and walk into her room and have her fling herself into my arms. Every night with her was a gift that I never took for granted.

But I was also very careful. My body had a mind of its own around Bella, but I kept the passion tamped firmly down inside of me. I would not ruin her. It really was enough to just be able to touch her gently and hold her as she fell asleep.

If that was all I was ever going to have, it would be enough. The only thing that really mattered to me was that I was near Bella. She was my life now. Indeed, I cannot even imagine a time I didn't know and love Bella, so completely had she taken over my heart and mind.

Two things were very clear to me: her grandparents hadn't softened their position towards me at all, and I had competition for my own fiancé. Jacob Black and James MacKinnon had set their sights on Bella and both had the approval of her grandparents. I had the hell and torment of watching them pursue my woman.

I had promised her grandfather that I would allow her to decide for herself, and for her to decide, she must have choices. So no matter how hellishly awful it was to know she took carriage rides, danced, and received flowers from other men, I had to swallow my pride and accept it. I believed one or both of them were going to ask Bella for her hand. Knowing that her grandfather would give both of them his wholehearted approval nearly made me hit something. Knowing that she loved me and would refuse them, brought me satisfaction.

They may have her attention by day, but by night…by night…she was mine.

If not for my father's death, I would be wed now. No, that is not true nor fair. He would still be alive, and I would still be the cold bastard I had been, living a life of debauchery and dissipation in London. I mustn't blame him for my situation. In a horrible, roundabout way, his death had brought Bella to Ward Hall. I almost shook with horror at the thought of never having met Bella in this lifetime. She's the one true, good thing I've ever known in my life. She's taught me how to love, and be selfless, and how to live for someone other than myself. I should thank my father. Wherever he was now.

Time was moving on. We only had a little over three months left until I could approach her grandfather again. I was unsure what I would do if he refused or threatened me again. A man only has so much patience, and mine was quickly running out.

I was a little nervous tonight. I had a gift for Bella, but wasn't sure if she would accept it. I longed to make her my wife and shower her with everything she could possibly want or need. I did love spoiling the girls as well, but it wasn't the same as giving your woman gifts.

I had wanted to give her something as a representation of me, but what? I had thought long and hard about this. It must be perfect. A bracelet? A necklace? A ring? I didn't want to give her something she would have to hide, and a ring would be pretty conspicuous…but perhaps if she wore it on a chain?

Finally, I decided on the perfect thing and went to the jewelers and had it specially made. I prayed she would like it.

x~x

I was nervous as I entered her French doors on her balcony. The jewelry box seemed to be burning a hole in my pocket. Bella was perfect, and her gifts had to be as well. My heart leapt with joy as always when she ran to me and flung herself into my arms. I would never tire of her joy of seeing me. It always matched my own. I promised myself to tell this precious woman every day how much she meant to me. Never would I take her and her affections for granted.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face down for a kiss. I eagerly pulled her to me. I kept the kiss sweet and light. Any more, and I would lose myself in her and might not be able to stop.

"Well, hello to you, too. Miss me?" I asked with a grin.

"Always. Every second we're apart. Come. Sit. Tell me about your day, and about the girls."

This had become our nightly routine, discussing our day, talking about the girls, and sharing antidotes about the people we had encountered that day.

We were both on her settee. She was sitting with her back against the arm of it and her legs across my knees. After sleeping together just about every night, we had become comfortable with each other's bodies like an old married couple. Just without the final intimacy. Not that I didn't think about that every night. I would behave, though. Not before marriage. That was one thing I would do right.

I ran my hand up her leg. I could feel her body through her robe and dreamed of that soft pale skin. Someday, I wouldn't have to dream. I would be able to touch and kiss every inch of this beautiful woman. To say I lived for that day would be an understatement.

That first night I had entered her room and watched her undress was a memory I cherished. When she had sat in her shift and rolled her hose down those shapely pale legs…I can honestly say I've never seen anything more erotic than that. Holding her in my lap and kissing her while she was almost naked, that had been a mistake. Thank God I'd stopped. But believe me, I'd looked my fill of her before I suggested she get a robe, for that shift hid nothing. And this train of thought was best abandoned for the moment, I thought. I already had to shift in my seat once.

"I brought you something."

She had been resting her head against the back of the settee, and now she raised it and looked at me and smiled. "Really? Another letter from Adele? That girl loves to write me letters. I so enjoying receiving them."

I smiled. "No, not tonight. This…is something from me." I took a deep breath. "I wanted to give you something. A little something for you to wear and remind you of me."

I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the jewelry box and handed it to her.

"I had this made just for you. I…hope you like it and know why I give you this."

She had been quiet while I spoke and still did not speak. She gave me a searching look, and then looked down and opened the jewelry box. She just eyed it for a moment, and then skimmed her fingers over the necklace.

She looked up and met my eyes.

"A daisy." Her face split with a huge grin. "A _daisy_. Edward, yes. I understand, and it's perfect. It's so delicate and beautiful. I love it." She sat up and placed her hand on my cheek and kissed me softly.

"I'm so pleased you like it. And I wanted to tell you something. And maybe explain a few things."

She gave me another searching look and nodded. "First, help me put this on."

She took the necklace out of the box. It was gold on a long chain with a small filigree daisy pendant that had a diamond in the middle and a pearl that hung down from the bottom of the daisy. It was simple and delicate, but beautiful like Bella.

After I hooked her necklace for her, she sat back and awaited me.

I took a breath, before I started.

"I wanted you to understand that my intentions towards you were never improper. I loved you from the first day you walked into my study, cleared your throat, and I met your eyes. I was lost after that. You changed my whole world that day, Bella."

I took her hand and intertwined our fingers.

"Every day, I came to love and admire you more. It was my deepest desire to marry you and keep you mine forever. But I'm not a good man, and you're an angel. It was wrong of me to love you, to want you, to need you. You became the center of my universe. Before you, Bella, my life was an empty darkness, but then you were there. You became my own personal sun, and I was blinded by your radiant light. And I began to feel things I never had. Joy, happiness, and most of all, love. I tried to push you away and behave like an ass, but you saw through that. You always see the real me. That day in the garden, when I caressed you with that daisy…I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't fight this love I had for you in my heart. You know, when you walked away, I kissed that daisy that had touched your lips, and I kept it. I still have it."

I gave her a small smile. She was just looking at me with an unreadable expression on her face. I swallowed and began again.

"That evening, I was in absolute terror that you would have left. I about went out of my mind fearing you were gone. My relief and joy that you stayed were immeasurable. I was quite mortified that you thought I would ask you to be my mistress. As if I would dishonor you like that. Forgive me if that was the impression you got. I would never…I would just never treat you like that, Bella. I just wanted you to know, how it was for me. From the first moment I saw your face, my heart was yours."

I averted my eyes. She was still silent, and I was unsure why. She took her hand from mine and stood up. I looked at her in surprise. She took a couple of steps, and then turned and faced me.

"Edward"- it came out almost as a choked sob- "I have loved you since that day in the garden. When I was in my room contemplating what had happened between us, I realized my heart already belonged to you, and I just couldn't leave you. That day that I did leave you to go with my grandparents, next to the day my parents died, it was the worst day of my life."

She walked over and sat down in my lap and wrapped her arm around my neck. I held her tight with my arms and became lost in those velvety brown eyes.

"I love you. You're my whole world now, Edward. You're everything to me. I don't care how long I have to wait or what I have to do, I only want you. Only you," she said with great emotion and put her lips to mine.

x~x

The next morning at breakfast, Alice walked in and plopped down in her chair. "I have decided something."

Jasper rolled his eyes. Mother sighed and shook her head at Jasper. I pointedly ignored her and kept reading my paper. Whatever it was, it most likely involved me, and was going to be either annoying or unpleasant.

"Will no one ask me?"

Silence.

"Fine. I'll just tell you anyway. I have decided that we're going to throw a ball. Not just any ball, but a _grand_ one. I'm going to try my best to make sure the Prince Regent attends."

I stared at her, mortified. It was worse than I imagined. Alice did nothing by half measure, and this was bound to be both expensive and turn my home into a mad house of preparation. The Prince Regent! As if he would come to my home…but if he did, it would gain me favor with Bella's grandparents to have his approval. Clever Alice.

"I thought it would be an end of the season ball. Perhaps you, Edward, could announce your engagement to Isabella."

My mouth fell open in astonishment. "Alice…you're jumping a little ahead of things here. I first have to gain the approval of her grandparents."

"Oh, they'll come around. I'm sure of it. Imagine, Prinny here, Edward! His approval will clear your way for sure."

I was silent, contemplating all this. Could we do this? Could we pull it off? I had learned long ago never to bet against my sister. She had an uncanny ability to know things and be right. Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt to try, I thought.

"All right, Alice. Have your ball. We'll throw the biggest and best ball anyone will attend this season. Make it something so grand that people will aspire to it for years to come, and, Alice…if you can do this…get the Prince Regent here…I am forever in your debt."

She sent an enormous smile and clapped her hands together. "Oh, I promise it will be the best ball _anyone's_ ever attended, Edward. People will talk about it for seasons to come! Mother, we have so much planning to do! After breakfast, we need lists and lots of them."

I met Jasper's eyes that were as wide as saucers. He looked horrified.

"We're now even," he moaned, shaking his head in dismay at me. I was grinning to myself. Jasper's life had just become filled with endless talk about decorating, music, food, and dress patterns for the ball. I did not envy him this personal hell.

I made a note to myself to spend as much time gone as I could to avoid this madness. I smirked at Jasper, and he narrowed his eyes at me. Ha! He deserved it after all the tormenting me over Bella. I chuckled and went back to reading the paper and eating my breakfast.

Wait until I tell Bella. Then, I became devious. Perhaps Alice could tell Her Grace that she needed Bella to help her with preparations so that Bella could be here often with Alice.

I lowered the paper. "Alice..."

She stopped speaking to Mother and waved her hand.

"Already taken care of, Edward. I'll visit them later and discuss it. It won't be a problem. And…you're welcome."

I just stared at her. She was almost a freak of nature, but I loved her. "Well, then. Make it so. And…thank you."

I went back to my paper, but my mind was really elsewhere: on the ball, on getting the Prince Regent here, and as always, on Bella.

I prayed Alice's plan would work.

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**Thanks for reading! Reviews are love.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	15. Gifts

**Thanks to my lovely beta and friend Rhi. Love you lots!**

**I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own Lord Cullen.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 14: Gifts**

Alice walked into the parlor and hugged me. Well, this was different. She usually just grabbed my hand and squeezed it in greeting.

She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Follow my lead." She pulled back and gave me a serious look and nodded.

What was going on? Whatever it was, I was sure it involved me being able to spend some time with Edward. I would gladly follow Alice to the gates of Hell itself to see my love.

Alice sat down and began a conversation with my grandmother. "Oh, Your Grace! This is so exciting! We're to have a ball! It will be an end of the season ball, and it will be the most spectacular one anyone's ever seen! There's so much to do! So much to plan. The decorating, the music, the food…oh, and my ball gown. It must be perfect."

I already saw where this was heading and smiled to myself. _Oh, Alice. I love you_.

"Well, I'm sure you and your mother are more than capable of handling this," Grandmother said.

"Oh, but that's the problem you see, Your Grace. My mother…she's not been feeling well. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to need help _desperately_." Alice had said all that with a sad face as she wrung her hands. Wow, nice touch. She should be an actress.

I watched Grandmother just staring at Alice, knowing the answer she wanted. She liked Alice and owed her a huge debt in getting me in with Madame Sauvage. She knew this.

Alice turned and gave me a pointed look. _My turn_.

"Perhaps...I…could help."

Grandmother frowned. I could almost see the war going on inside her. She didn't want me anywhere near Edward, but she also didn't want to offend Alice. Finally, deciding something, she looked at me and said grudingly, "Well, I suppose you could help Alice…_here._"

"Oh, but I'll need her at our home. I would have to drag all my lists and planning with me. It would be most inconvenient."

I saw my Grandmother wanted to say something maybe not so polite, but courtesy won out. "All right. But I believe once a week will suffice, will it not?"

Alice glanced at me. I gave her the "_it's better than nothing" _look and shrugged.

"Yes, that'll be fine. But closer to the ball, I may need her more often," Alice said.

"Well, then, we'll discuss that when that time arrives."

That battle over, Alice changed the subject and got Grandmother chuckling over an amusing story.

I was so excited that I would be in Edward's home and get to see him and the girls. Once a week! This was a blessing, indeed. Alice, I owed her a debt to be repaid someday. I now understood, of course, what she had been doing in my room that day. And now, here she was helping me and Edward to see each other more. I have no sister, but if I did, I couldn't imagine loving one more than I did Alice.

x~x

I alit the carriage and walked up the front steps to Edward's impressive London home. The door was already open, and instead of a butler, there stood Edward. I almost flew into his arms, but quickly realized that would be beyond scandalous. I simply walked up to him grinning wide.

He grinned back at me. "Welcome home, Bella."

"Oh."

His hand touch mine. I met those beautiful green eyes that were looking at me so tenderly. "This _will be_ your home someday, love. Well, one of them. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"No. Just surprised me." I squeezed his fingers. I glanced around, completely forgetting we may have an audience, but there was no one in sight.

"It's fine. It's just us. I had to have this moment with you. I hope you don't mind," he said and gave me a crooked grin.

Mind? Was he insane? I'd take any moment I could get alone with him.

"Don't be ridiculous, Edward," I said with a smile. "Where's Alice? We need to get planning, I guess. And can I please see the girls? I have something for them."

"Alice is awaiting you in the sitting room upstairs, and I would never hear the end of it if I didn't allow the girls to see you while you were here," he said with a chuckle.

He escorted me to the sitting room where Alice and Esme were. "I'll go fetch the girls. I'll be right back," he said and gave me a soft smile and taking my hand, softly squeezed my fingers.

I nodded, smiled back at him, and squeezed his hand in return. He left, and I then turned to see Alice and Esme grinning at me.

"I can't believe the changes in Edward. It's all thanks to you, Isabella," Esme said with some emotion. "Thank you."

I looked down shyly for a moment. I then walked over and sat down in the chair beside Esme and took her hand. "It is I that is the fortunate one that Edward loves me."

Esme squeezed my hand and sighed. "You're a good person, Isabella, and you're good for Edward. As his mother, this makes me very happy."

The door to the sitting room flew open then, and Katie came barreling towards me.

"Miss Swan!" She leapt into my lap and hugged me. I hugged her back tightly and kissed her forehead.

Adele was right behind her, so I sat Katie down and picked up Adele, also hugging her and kissing her forehead.

"Girls, I have a presents for you."

"Presents!" Katie nearly shouted.

"Oh, yes!" Adele said and clapped her hands.

"First of all, Adele, a word." I took both her hands and held her eyes. "We do not take prized possessions from our sister. You should've written that first letter to me from your own good nature. I'm asking you to please return Katie's pink button."

"Yes. You're right, Miss Swan. I'm sorry." She turned to Katie. "When we get back to the nursery, I'll give you back your button."

"Oh, thank you, Del!" Katie said with joy.

"And second…thank you for all my letters. I love them. Cherish them. And lastly, I'm very proud of your writing. You're doing so well."

She smiled at me. "Really?" I nodded and let go of her hands.

"This is what I brought you."

I had noticed Adele's love of stories and adventure. I handed her the wrapped book, and she eagerly opened it. She flipped through the book full of legends, fairy tales, and beautiful engravings of far off magical places. She looked at the book in awe, and then with almost tears in her eyes, she turned to me. "_Thank you_, Miss Swan. I love it." She walked over to a chair and sat down, already absorbed in some adventure.

I turned to Katie. "For you, miss, I have two presents. First, I saw this and immediately thought of you." It was a small China doll with green eyes, reddish bronze hair, and a beautiful green dress.

"Oh, she's _lovely_," Katie said in wonder. "I'll name her Isabella. Is that all right, Miss Swan?"

I couldn't speak for a moment. "Yes, dear, that's fine. Thank you."

"I brought you something else. This is a button from my blue ball gown. I thought you might like to add it to your pink one."

She looked at that button in amazement. "Oh, Miss Swan. Thank you!" She clasped it in her little hand and came over and gave me a hug the best she could while holding a doll and a button in each hand.

"All right, Katie. Miss Swan, Aunt Alice, and Grandmother have things to do. If you can play quietly over there by Adele, you may stay," Edward said.

"Oh, I promise, Father. I'll be good." She went and sat down on the floor beside Adele and looked at her button and doll.

Edward sent me a look of such affection that I longed to hug him tightly. Tonight, I thought, I most certainly will. His mouth quirked in that small smirk and I knew he was thinking the same thing as I.

He went and sat down beside Adele to look at her book with her, and I turned to Alice and Esme who were gazing at me fondly.

"Well, Alice," I said, trying to move this on before I became too emotional, "what have you planned so far?"

We talked and made lists, and I began to tire of the ball already, but if this is what it takes to see Edward and the girls, I would do it gladly.

I looked over to see a scene that touched my heart. Edward had moved down to the floor and was sitting with Adele on one side and Katie on the other, quietly reading them a story about a princess in a castle. As if I could love that man more. Seeing him being a loving and attentive father was almost more than my heart could take.

Sensing my attention, he glanced up from the book and slightly cocked his head, giving me a warm look. I gave him one in return and sighed.

"I better get home. We don't want to push my grandmother too much today," I said to Alice and Esme.

I made my good-bye's, and then Edward said he'd escort me out. I took his arm, and we slowly strolled down the hallway. When we had almost reached the stairs, Edward stopped and turned to me.

"Bella…you with the girls…I can't even describe how it makes me feel. Thank you for being so kind and loving with them."

"I love them, and I can't tell you how happy I was to see you sitting with the girls and reading to them. I didn't think I could love you more than I do, but seeing you being a good father…Edward, my heart almost overflows with joy."

He looked up and down the hallway to see if we were alone and then pulled me to him and kissed me gently.

"Bella. I love you so much. I don't even think love is a big enough word."

"And I love you exactly the same way."

I sighed. "I really better go. I'll see you tonight, yes?"

"Most definitely," he said with a grin.

I touched my necklace, which he noticed. He met my eyes with a sweet look, and I took his arm, and he escorted me to my carriage.

As he was shutting the carriage door, his lips quirked into almost a smirk. "Have a good day, Miss Swan. Or a pleasant evening."

"Thank you, Lord Cullen. I'm sure my evening will be most pleasant indeed," I said and smirked back at him.

He shut the door with a soft chuckle, and the carriage took off. I grinned all the way home. Today had been a gift. I couldn't wait for my evening.

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**Thanks for reading. Next chapter will have a tiny lemon, but this story is not going to have many. It's just not that kind of story. **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	16. Temptation

**Thanks my darling beta Rhi. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and I own Lord Cullen.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 15: Temptation**

As I entered Bella's bedroom, I felt extreme frustration. I was so happy to see her, but so tired of this room. I longed for the day we could be out together in public as a couple or even take a stroll in the garden. Anywhere but this room. But then, what was I complaining about? I had Bella to myself in a bedroom. Alone. Just the two of us…and she was only in her shift under that robe.

_Bloody idiot_. On second thought, what a lovely room.

She ran and hugged me as usual, but I could tell something was off with her tonight. Well, that's just wonderful. It had been a horrid day so far; it only figured that something was up with Bella as well.

She led me over to the settee, and I sat down and sighed. It was good to be in her presence. It was like sunshine after a thunderstorm. I looked over and noticed on the table a decanter and two glasses and a plate of biscuits. I gave her a questioning look.

She saw my look and glanced at the table. "I thought you might like a drink or a bite to eat." She seemed a little nervous. I was wondering what was going on because this was the first time she had ever had food or drink for me.

"I wouldn't mind a drink, but only if you join me."

"Oh. All right. I've never tried brandy, but I'm sure I can handle it," she said.

Now, I was insanely curious as to what was going on. Bella was willing to drink brandy to keep from telling me something? This wasn't good.

She poured us both drinks, and I clinked my glass to hers. "To us."

She smiled slightly and clinked her glass to mine. "To us."

I took a sip and watched her eyeing her glass. She swished the liquid around in the glass and then sniffed it. She made a face of distaste, and I almost chuckled. Finally, she placed the glass to her lips. I was waiting in amusement for her reaction when she tasted the brandy. She sipped, too much in my opinion, and gulped it down. Her eyes grew wide, and she grabbed her throat and started making gasping noises. I grabbed the glass from her hand and set it down and gently patted her on the back until she got her breath.

Finally, she seemed to regain control. "Why didn't you warn me? What vile stuff! And you drink that all the time? I feel like my throat and stomach are on fire!"

I grinned. "You'll live, love. I just wanted to see how far you would go to distract me from not telling me whatever it is you think I won't like."

She paused and darted her eyes to mine. She then scooted right against me and placed her hand on my thigh. That was beyond distracting. What was she up to now? Her robe gaped open, and I could see the tops of her breasts over the very thin shift she was wearing. I stifled a groan. Why was she not in a dressing gown? Good God. Was she trying to torture me?

"Bella?"

She rubbed her hand up my thigh and every muscle in my body tensed. She got almost to the one place I desired her hand most, and I grabbed her hand and held it in mine.

"Bella," I said disapprovingly. "Could you please tell me exactly what's going on before I lose my mind? And if you don't stop touching me like that, I won't be able to answer for the consequences."

She blushed. "I like touching you. I want to touch you…everywhere," she said and looked at me shyly and blushed even more. She then took her free hand and placed it on my stomach.

I just sat there, my body tense and jaw locked. My eyes met hers, and I couldn't look away. My want for this woman was almost overwhelming me. Her touching me was just too much this evening. I was on a precipice here. I was about to fall off and take this relationship somewhere I had been very careful not to.

But maybe…_just a little_, I thought desperately. I could touch her in many, many ways and bring her pleasure and not ruin her. I felt like I had an angel on one side and the devil on the other. I had always, until I met Bella, followed the devil. She made me see the angel and what was right, but at this very moment, I couldn't be that man. The devil was calling me back.

I grasped her by the arms and pulled her into my lap. She wrapped an arm around my neck and laid her other hand on my chest. I slid both of my hands down her back and then gripped her hips tightly. Her round, perfect bottom was nestled on top the hardness in my pants, and I closed my eyes in absolute pleasure for a moment.

I opened my eyes and gazed into hers. She was just watching me and my reaction to her as if fascinated. She moved slightly in my lap, and I groaned. I saw her eyes widen in surprise, and then her lips formed a small "O."

"Is this what you want tonight, love?" I asked, my voice husky and full of want.

I ran my hand up from her hip, to her stomach, and all the way up to her chest. I parted her robe and cupped her breast. Her quick inhale sent heat running through my veins. I teased her nipple and felt it become hard and elongated in my fingers. She had her eyes closed, her lips parted, and her breathing was heavy. I was enraptured.

I exhaled deeply, and she opened her eyes and met mine. "_Yes_. Edward. _More_," she demanded fiercely.

With almost a growl, I grabbed her neck, running my hands in that glorious mane of hair, and pulled her to my mouth. I kissed and nipped her bottom lip. She gasped, and I ran my tongue along her lips and then into her mouth. She fisted her hand in my hair so tight it was almost painful, but it only fueled the fire burning inside me. I kissed her long and hard, mating my tongue and hers.

By now, I was almost mad with lust for this woman. I moved my mouth down her chin, kissed my way down her glorious long, pale neck and that delicate collar bone. She was wearing the necklace I gave her, I thought in a moment of clarity. She never took it off, she had told me. That brought some sense back to me.

I slowed my kissing and gently kissed her chest, back and forth across that milky white, soft skin. She tasted so good. I just couldn't get enough. I could only take this so far, but by God, I was going to have her breast in my mouth before I stopped. I parted her robe more and pulled down the top of her shift. I gazed in wonder at the perfection that was Bella. She had small, high, firm breasts tipped in a deep shade of pink. I just stared at those amazing breasts for a moment, then I looked up at her face.

"Bella…these are beautiful. Perfect. You're perfect, my darling."

She looked at me shyly and blushed a deep red. I gave her a warm look and leaned down and took her right breast in my mouth. Dear Lord! So perfect. I heard her gasp and felt her stomach muscles clinch. I sucked and licked, and little keening noises were coming from her. They were adorable and making my head foggy again. I moved over and lavished the same attention on her left one, and she fisted both hands in my hair and held me tight to her. I moaned against her skin.

"_Edward_. I want…I want…"

I raised my head and softly kissed her lips. "I know, love. But I can't give you everything you want tonight. We must stop."

"I want more, Edward. Is there more?"

"Beautiful Bella, there is so much more. That's just the beginning. I'll show you so much. I'll make your body sing for me, love. I'll give you so much pleasure that we may never leave our marriage bed."

"_Edward._ Oh, I feel…I want you, and I don't even know what it is I want. But I _want._ Is this normal?"

"Yes, love. It's normal. It's wonderful. I've always thought you perfect, my angel, but to know you're also passionate, that's a gift I didn't expect. Our marriage will be a very happy one indeed."

After one last regretful look at her perfect breasts, I pulled her shift back over them and closed her robe. That was enough temptation for one evening. But my mind would be dwelling on her perfection for quite some time.

She sadly smiled. "Only a month and a half left now. I can hardly stand the wait."

"I'm sure it'll move quickly. I'm praying it does," I said with a wistful glance down her body."And now, my love, you'll tell me what you've been trying to distract me from all evening."

She sighed and got up from my lap and sat back down next to me.

"Well, I had two things to tell you, actually. And you're correct, I was putting them off."

"I'm waiting."

She grimaced. "First of all, Jacob Black visited my Grandfather this morning…to ask for my hand in marriage."

"Oh." _The bastard had worked quickly_.

"And then he spoke with me in the parlor and asked me to marry him."

"_And_?" I felt terror go through me. What if she accepted him?

She reached over and took my hand and intertwined our fingers. "Edward. Stop that. I refused him, of course."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding as relief flowed through me.

"I hope you didn't break his heart," I said with a grin. I could afford to be generous now.

"No. He never mentioned the word love. I do like him however…as a friend. I would like to keep him as a friend, if that's acceptable to you. But no, I could never feel about him, or indeed any man, the way I feel about you, my love."

Ah, for that she gets another kiss, I thought. I leaned over and met her lips to give her a soft kiss. Bella had other ideas and let go of my hand and put both of them in my hair and held me tight to her. I groaned and kissed her deeply for a moment. Damn it! I had to end this before I went too far again. I used every reserve of strength I had to break away from that kiss and remove her hands from me.

"_Bella_," I gasped. "You'll be the death of me, love."

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what's come over me this evening. All I can think about is you. Touching you. Kissing you. Just _you_."

Mother of all that's holy! I swore an oath. "You mustn't say those things to me, love. I…have no defense against them."

"I'm sorry. I was just being honest."

"And I love your honesty. I love _you_. I adore you. That is why we are ending this conversation right now, before I kiss you again. Next time, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

"Oh."

She gave me a regretful look. Damn. This was hard enough without her wanting this. I had to change the subject and get my mind off making love to her, I thought in dismay.

"Please, tell me whatever else you were holding back earlier."

"You're really not going to like this one," she said.

"I'm guessing I won't."

"Well, we were invited to the Earl of Mallen's estate for a house party. We leave on Wednesday and won't be back until next Tuesday."

"What?" She was correct. I was angry. I wouldn't see Bella for a _week_. I don't think so. "Where is Mallen's estate?"

"In Surrey."

"Close enough to Emmett, I'm sure. I'll find out for sure tomorrow. Tambridge is close to the border between Hampshire and Surrey. Well, then I will find a way to see you, love. See if I don't. There's no way I'm going a week without seeing and touching you."

"But, Edward, how will we manage that? It's not like here."

"Let me worry about that, love. I'll see you there. I promise."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	17. Unexpected

**Thanks go out to my beta Rhi. Love you sweetie.**

**I do not own Twilight, that would be Stephenie Meyer. Lord Cullen is, however, all mine.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 16: Unexpected**

I tried to hide the frown I was feeling. This was quite dull. I didn't care much for any of the people at this house party, and my cousin, James, was pursing me whole-heartedly now that I had refused Mr. Black. He must have felt his way clear or thought that I had refused Jacob Black for him. We had been here three days, and I missed Edward desperately. I was having trouble sleeping. I'd become so used to his strong arms wrapped around me as I drifted off to sleep that I found it nearly impossible to get to sleep without them.

I tapped the arm of my chair in impatience for this to be over.

Tomorrow night there was to be held a small ball with the local gentry. I hoped Edward was at Tambridge with Lord Ware, and that an invitation had been sent. Though I don't know if Lord Ware would attend, being his wife was in disgrace and sent off to the Scottish wilds, per Edward. He'd had told me what had happened. Well, he had told me that she had run to my grandfather. Still, I didn't know this big "secret."

I had been stunned at the vile hatefulness of Rosalie, and to learn that she loved Edward. Well, actually, that I could see. I can't believe women of the _ton_ didn't follow him around in droves. _Best that they didn't_, I thought. Jealously did not become me. I frowned remembering Miss Mallory and her plans for Edward. I grinned to myself, though, thinking of the set-down I gave her. _Well, she'd deserved it_, I thought in satisfaction.

My thoughts turned right back to Edward. Him kissing me, touching me…oh, I missed him desperately! I was so deeply in love with him. He was the other half of me. Impossible to live without. I refused to live without him. He _will_ be my husband, I swore to myself.

I wondered how Grandfather would have received Edward seeking my hand without Rosalie's interference. Perhaps we would be wed already. I drifted off a bit thinking about being Edward's wife, a mother to the girls, and living at Ward Hall again. Endless nights of pleasure in his arms. Oh, _that_ I certainly was longing for. And then daytimes filled with him and the girls and just being a family. It was a very pleasant and happy daydream I was having. I sighed aloud. At least our time of waiting was drawing to a close.

"Would you care for refreshment, Isabella?" My cousin, James asked, awaking me from my musings. I looked up into his light blue eyes. He was always so smooth. So charming. So absolutely correct in his address and manners, but there was something off about him. He made me jumpy. Like all of that was just an act and he was not only mocking me, but everyone around us. And that behind his bland smiles was actually a sneer.

"No, thank you. I'm fine. I was just going to see Miss Woodward about something," I said quickly. I did not want him to sit down and I be stuck here conversing with him for a half hour.

"Well, then. Allow me to escort you," he said and offered me his hand up. He gripped my fingers a little too tightly in my opinion and offered me his arm. I took it, somehow feeling almost repelled. I was relieved when I got to Miss Woodward and could let go of his arm.

I noticed that evening James looking at me speculatively several times. It was starting to really make me uneasy.

Finally, the evening was over, and I could retire. I was glad to leave the dull conversations and James' odd stares.

Amy helped me undress and brushed my hair. I looked in the mirror and noticed in it something on the table by the chair near the fire. It was a tray with a decanter and two glasses. I turned and looked and then met Amy's eyes. She looked at me with a knowing expression on her face. What was it for? What was this about? Oh. Oh, you silly fool, I thought. She knew? The whole time she knew? Was Edward here? Was he going to be here? I was so excited, but I had to deal with this first.

And then I was nervous. She'd told me she could keep a secret, and she had so far, obviously. I decided to play this as if she didn't know anything and see what she said.

"What's that for, Amy? You know I don't drink alcohol other than wine."

"I know that, Miss." Her lips quirked up into a knowing smile. She leaned close to me and said, "But _he _does, doesn't he, Miss?"

I quickly inhaled. "How long? How long have you known?"

"Since the beginning, Miss. Who did you think the footman was that helped Lord Cullen out? Billy is kind of his…accomplice," she said with a chuckle.

I was more than a little mortified. Did they think we were having clandestine meeting for _that_? Oh, my. I blushed profusely.

"Oh. Well…Amy…it's not like you think. I'm not his mistress. We don't do…_that_. He's merely visiting me because we love each other and miss each other so, and my grandparents don't approve of him. We're just trying to see each other the best we're able."

"I know this, Miss. I'm the one who changes your sheets. Remember?"

I blushed deeper. "Ah, yes…then…thank you. And thank Billy for me for helping us…and keeping our secret. It would be my ruin if it were to come out."

She smiled at me, and said, "You've been good to us, Miss. So has Lord Cullen. No one will ever hear of this from me or Billy."

"Again, thank you." Then I was excited. "Is he here? Is he coming tonight? I've missed him horribly."

"He somehow got in touch with Billy who came with us from London. He's going to try, Miss. Not so easy to get in and out of here. But he was going to try."

"I would think not. Oh, I may see Edward!" I said excitedly.

I stood and hugged her. "Thank you. You and Billy. You're not only the best maid anyone could ever have, you're also my friend. I promise I won't ever let any of this effect you or him if it's ever found out. I'll make sure you're protected."

She pulled back and smiled at me. "You're a good person, Miss Isabella. It was a fortunate day that I got to work for you. May I ask you something, Miss?"

I nodded. "Anything."

"When you marry Lord Cullen…may I…I mean _we_ go to Ward Hall with you? Billy and me? We wish to wed, but I told him that we would have to wait until you're settled. Would Lord Cullen be all right with that?"

"Well, I would be all right with that, and whatever is all right with me is all right with Lord Cullen," I said with a knowing grin.

She giggled. "I'm sure, Miss. Well then, I've set your fire, and if you don't need me anymore, I'll retire for the evening."

"That's fine, Amy. Goodnight."

"Goodnight to you, Miss Isabella," she said with a wink and left.

After she left, I paced. Then I tried to read. I couldn't concentrate and threw the book back on the side table. I walked to the fire and just stared at the flames. Finally, I just sat in the chair by the fire and thought of Edward. I must have fallen asleep, because I was jolted awake by a touch on my face.

My eyes flew open, and there he was, my love! I leapt up and grabbed him around his neck and kissed his lips.

He chuckled and then gripped me fiercely, one arm around my back and the other in my hair, holding my face to his and kissing me deeply.

He pulled away from my mouth and began to place kisses all over my face.

"I've missed you so much, my beautiful Bella!"

I was beaming with joy. "I've missed you, too! Oh, Edward. I love you so much!"

I kissed him several times on his lips.

He grinned. "I must say, my love, that I truly enjoy how you greet me."

I was so giddy, I giggled. Edward looked at me, highly amused. "Did you just giggle, darling? That's adorable." He then kissed the tip of my nose.

He sat down in the chair and pulled me into his lap. I snuggled into him. I had missed him so much. His hand was stroking me; my face, my hair, my arm, down my leg. My mind went back to the other night and his hands and mouth on my breasts. I wanted that again. Very much so. I grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast and heard his quick intake of breath.

"Bella, love, no." But he didn't move his hand, I noticed.

"I just want you to touch me," I said almost as a whisper and looked into his burning green eyes.

"What am I going to do with you, woman?" He said in an amused and slightly frustrated voice. He lightly massaged my breast through my robe with his fingers, and I closed my eyes and shifted in his lap.

"_Bella_," he said low and rough.

He pulled me tight to him and kissed me hard. He ran one hand up into my hair to cradle my head and his other down to my bottom to cup me and squeeze me there. _Yes_. Oh, I wanted more. He kissed across my jaw to my ear and pulled my hair back to kiss his way down my neck to my shoulder. I was making sighs of pleasure, and Edward lifted his head and gave me a most wicked look. He then kissed me again, mating his tongue with mine. My hand that had been gripping his arm went up into his hair, and I grabbed a fistful of it and tugged. He moaned into my mouth.

He kissed me some more, then wrenched his mouth from mine, gasping for air.

"My God. I could kiss you forever and never tire of it. I must stop. Tell me to stop, Bella," he said as a plea.

I gave him a loving look and slipped my hand from his hair and placed it gently on his cheek.

"Yes. We must stop. But I long for our wedding day when we won't have to stop, my love."

He briefly nodded and gave me a small smile. He ran his hand down my hair and laid it on my cheek rubbing it with his thumb. "I long for the day you're my wife, Bella. I love you."

I gave him a soft kiss. "I love you, my Edward."

"_Your_ Edward. I like that. I like that very much," he said with a grin.

"But only if I'm _your_ Bella," I said.

"No matter what, you'll _always_ be _my_ Bella," he said with some emotion.

What did that mean? I left it for tonight. I wouldn't waste this precious time with Edward discussing something possibly unpleasant.

I curled back into him, and we just sat with our hands intertwined and talked for a while, until he said he must go, but he would see me at the ball here tomorrow night. Emmett owed us that much to attend so Edward could. He kissed me several times and then told me goodnight and slipped out my door. I prayed really hard he wouldn't get caught. The scandal would be enormous.

I waited a while, and hearing no commotion, I figured he got out safe, and I could sleep.

Tomorrow, I would see him again. I couldn't wait for the ball.

x~x

I was wearing a new deep rose colored dress, and Amy had arranged my hair in a lovely, flattering way. Grandmother had given me a ruby necklace, earbobs, and bracelet to wear. I looked in the mirror. I really loved my hair this eve, arranged up in a Grecian style. Amy had cut small pink roses from the garden and tucked them here and there in my hair. Thinking I looked my best, I descended the staircase and was greeted by our host and his wife. I set off to find my grandmother before James found me. I was beginning to dread seeing him.

I stopped at the sight that greeted me in the ballroom. There stood Edward and Lord Ware talking to a couple of people I did not know. Edward was in black pantaloons, a white shirt, a deep red waistcoat, and a black tailcoat. How was it possible that he's even more handsome every time I see him?

He glanced up, as if sensing my presence, and his mouth fell open slightly. Then he smiled warmly at me, and excusing himself from the others, walked over to me.

"Bella," he said quietly. "Bella, my God. You just get more and more beautiful, my angel. And look, we match again," he said, pointing to his waistcoat, the color of rubies, that was just a couple shades darker than my dress.

I grinned. "It seems we're well matched, my Lord. In _every_ way."

"Indeed," he said knowingly and gave me that little smirk. Oh. I loved that. Too much. I flipped open my fan and fanned my face. Edward found this vastly amusing.

Grandmother came up to us then, and I sighed. I wished she'd relent just a little.

"Cullen," she said with a nod. She paused and seemed to try to understand why he was here. "I didn't think we would find you here."

"Your Grace," he said and bowed to her. "My cousin, Lord Ware, received the invitation, and I was included since I've been visiting him. How fortuitous that you happened to be staying with Mallen," he said with a small smile at Grandmother.

She just looked at him a moment, and then sighed. "Cullen, I need to apologize. Your behavior toward Isabella has been beyond reproach. I've marked your changed disposition and attitude, and find your family most pleasant and acceptable. I'll no longer stand in the way of your suit. I've spoken to the Duke, and he agrees with me. I didn't think to see you here and was going to come calling with Isabella when we returned to London. You may take her out for carriage rides and visit her, but still, you must wait another month to announce your engagement. Agreed?"

I was stunned beyond speech at this. The change in attitude of my Grandmother was shocking. I thought she hated Edward. I looked at him, but he was smiling a wide smile at Grandmother. Her eyes were wide, and her cheeks got a little pink. Edward had never turned his full charm on her, and she was a little overwhelmed, I thought amusedly.

"Your Grace. You've made me the happiest of men." He took her gloved hand and kissed the back of it. "Thank you," he said most sincerely, still smiling that dazzling smile of his. I watched Grandmother, vastly amused at the slightly bemused look upon her face.

Letting go of her hand, he turned that smile on me, and I almost swooned. I wasn't immune to my love's charms either.

"Miss Swan, may I have the first dance?" he asked with a wink.

I couldn't speak. I merely nodded my head. The music was starting, and he turned to grandmother. "If you'll excuse us, Your Grace." He took my hand and led us to the dance floor.

I had fun dancing this evening. Edward knowing that this was soon over and we would wed was in a very good mood and tried not to glare at every man I danced with. One man whom I wished I didn't have to dance with was James. I couldn't explain it, but something was very off with him, and it was beginning to give me a fright.

After the lively country dance we had just finished, I was quite flushed and warm. James offered to lead me out to the terrace to catch a breeze, but I knew this was not something I should do. He tried to lead me there anyway despite my protests.

"Isabella," he said. "You need some air. Let me escort you out there, and then I'll get you some punch."

"No. I'm fine, James." I looked around desperately for Edward, but did not see him.

"I insist, Isabella." He took my elbow quite forcefully and tugged me along in his wake out to the terrace.

I angrily pulled my elbow out of his hand.

"What are you about? I did not wish to come out here with you!" I was quite angry and more than a little peeved at being forced out here.

"I thought maybe we could…talk, Isabella." He had said my name slowly and huskily as if intent on seduction. I shivered in revulsion. Seeing that, he smiled and stepped up to me quite close and looked into my eyes.

"You're very pretty, you know. I didn't expect that."

What? What was he talking about? I inched my way backwards, and he stepped forward. We continued this dance toward what I was hoping was the terrace doors. Suddenly, I felt something hard behind me and realized I had backed into the stone foundation of the house. Now, I was trapped between the house and stone railing for the terrace. I was more than a little uncomfortable and frightened.

"Isabella. Let me kiss you. Let me show you things you never thought possible," he said smoothly and silkily. I was revolted.

"You will leave me be, James," I said coldly with some force. I reached out my hand to push him away, and he grabbed it and held it to his chest. I tried to pull away, but he held my arm so tightly it was beginning to hurt.

"No, I really don't think I will," he said with almost a leer. "You see, I intend to wed you, Isabella. And if we get caught in a compromising position, then we'll have no choice."

"James, I will never ever in this lifetime wed you, and you will release me. Now!" I said in anger and fright. He just smiled an evil smile at me and bent his head toward mine.

Next thing I knew, James was flying backwards and landed sprawled on his backside on the terrace. Edward was standing over him, a look of pure rage on his face.

"I believe Isabella told you to release her. I could kill you right this moment and not even think twice about it. I'll let you live tonight, but if you ever come near her again or even think about touching her, you're a dead man. Understood? Go pack your bags and leave here immediately." Edward spoke to James in a voice I had never heard from him before. It was a little frightening, truthfully. His extreme anger I could feel from where I stood.

James sneered at him. "Ah, Cullen. You've messed with the wrong man. You have no idea what you've set in motion here tonight. You should've let me have her because you never will."

Edward looked as if he would kill James with his bare hands. He leaned down and grabbed him by his lapels, lifting James as if he weighed nothing and held him so high, only his toes touched the ground. He held his face quite close to James, and in a voice that cut like a sword, he said, "If you don't leave here within the next half-hour, I'll make you wished you'd never been born, MacKinnon. Are we clear on this?" He just held James's eyes and waited for his acquiescence.

Lord Ware came out onto the terrace and stood beside Edward, with his arms crossed and glared at James.

James looked at Edward and then Lord Ware. Turning back to Edward, he nodded and then Edward let go of his coat and threw him back down on the ground.

James slowly stood, adjusted his coat, his cravat, and smoothed his hair. He gave Edward a look of pure hatred. "You and I, we're not done, Cullen," he said with a sneer and left.

Edward watched him go inside and then strode over to me and pulled me into his arms.

"Bella. Are you all right, love? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Edward. Just a little shaken."

"I'll have word with Mallen and make sure he does indeed leave," Lord Ware said and bowed at me. "Miss Swan," he said and left.

Edward then hugged me tight and kissed my forehead.

"Darling, if he had hurt you, I would've called him out and killed him."

"Edward. Don't say such things. The thought of you in a duel terrifies me."

"I will defend your honor, Bella. Even it means my life."

"What good is my honor if I don't have you?"

He shook his head. "Not much faith in me, love. I'm an expert marksman, and have been well trained by a master swordsman. What makes you think I would lose?"

"It's just the thought of it. I can't even think about you being hurt."

He stepped back and cupped my face with his hand. "Darling, don't even worry about that. I can take care of myself. But the fact that you worry about my safety warms my heart, love."

"Edward, you are the most important thing in my world. Of course, I worry about you. I love you."

"Oh, my Bella. I don't think I'll ever be truly worthy of your devotion. And it's you, my darling girl, that is the whole center of my universe. Nothing matters to me without you."

I glanced around, and thankfully, the terrace was still empty. I gave him a soft kiss.

I pulled my head back and sighed. "I've been gone quite some time. We best get back to the ball before Grandmother decides to be cross with you again."

He was still angry, I could see, but he gave me a small grin. "Heaven forbid," he said and kissed me softly.

He cupped my head with his hands and looked me intently in the eyes. In a fierce voice he said, "I'll always protect you, Bella. It's my duty and my honor to keep you safe."

"But who will protect you, Edward? Who will keep you safe?" I asked him, quite close to tears.

"You do, my love. You give me love and joy and hope for the future. My heart is safe with you."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	18. Engagement

**This contains Edward's past and the family secret. An explanation is at the bottom. **

**Thank you, Rhi!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own Lord Cullen.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 17: Engagement**

My home was a mad house. Fortunately, I could leave often. Alice was slowly driving us all insane with the preparations for the ball. Bella was my salvation, and now that I was able to call upon her, I did so as frequently as Her Grace would allow. My pleasure at being able to visit her during the daytime, and take her out and show her off as _my woman_ to the _ton_, made me near insufferable, according to Jasper.

It was the second week of August, and the season was almost over. I had talked with the Duke, and he'd agreed that we could announce our engagement at the ball. I could hardly contain my excitement at this. I was having some difficulty picking out a ring to give her. This was worse than deciding on the necklace. The ring had to be perfect and beautiful like Bella. I finally decided on a design and the stone and went to the goldsmith and had it made. I prayed she liked it.

I was getting anxious, and it was making me a bit reckless when it came to our alone time. My desire for her body was ruling me, and last night I almost took it beyond the stopping point. What on earth possessed me not only to lovingly kiss and caress her breasts, but to also run my hand up her creamy white thigh and touch her so tenderly in her most private place? Her soft cries of pleasure were my undoing, and I couldn't stop. I continued on touching and kissing her until she cried out my name and fell apart in my arms. Only sheer force of will kept me from taking her completely right then.

But my joy in bringing her pleasure was going to have to be enough. Some things, until our wedding night, I would just have to take care of on my own. That did not keep me from dreaming of and thinking about my beautiful, passionate Bella, though. Her feel, her taste, her scent…no, the wedding night could not get here soon enough for me. My desire to possess her and make her totally and completely mine in every way, of the heart, in name, and of the body was a driving need. I never knew I was a possessive and jealous man until I loved Bella. But then, I never had so much to lose before.

x~x

I had just visited Bella's grandfather, and he gave his blessing for our engagement, and apologized profusely for ever using my own father and his actions against me. I accepted this graciously and believed him when he said he would keep this between him and me. He had come to greatly love his granddaughter and wished her happiness and wouldn't hurt her by hurting my family. I was relieved. I felt like a huge, dark cloud had been lifted off of me. Our way seemed clear. I had the ring in my pocket, a beautiful oval sapphire and diamond, for Bella. I was now awaiting her in the sitting room to officially propose to my darling girl. But first, we must speak. She must know everything before we wed.

The door was opened by a footman, and I quickly stood. Bella strode in and gave me a smile. The door clicked behind her, leaving us privacy. She practically flew into my arms.

I picked her up and swung her around. "He said yes?" she asked.

I grinned and kissed her quickly. "He did. And I have something I need to ask you, darling, but first, we must talk. Well, I must tell you some things about me and my family, and then, if you wish still, I'll ask you my question. The choice is yours, Bella. It'll always be yours."

I sat her down, and she gave me slight smile. "Am I to finally know the family secret?"

"Yes, among other things. Please have a seat, love, and let me begin."

We sat down next to each other on the settee, and I took her hand.

I took a deep breath and began to speak, "I always admired my father. He has been the example of the man I should be. He was a good man. I want you to know this, Bella, and hope you don't think badly of him. Carlisle was twice the man I'll ever be."

I looked at her, and she shook her head.

"I never knew your father, but you, Edward, you _are_ a good man. You just don't see it. And I would never speak ill of the dead. Your mother loved him very much, so your father must have been good and someone to be greatly admired to be worthy of such devotion even after his death."

"Bella, I wish I could see myself, the way you see me. I want to be that man for you. I'm trying, darling." I raised our intertwined fingers and kissed her hand. I sighed. This was not going to be pleasant, but she had a right to know what kind of man I used to be and that my father had made a horrible mistake.

"First, my story. I just don't know why I turned out like I did. My parents, for aristocrats, were very involved in mine and Alice's lives. They made sure we had the best tutors and were raised to be good people. Somewhere around the age of eleven, things began to change for me. That was when Emmett came to live with us. His family had been killed in a carriage accident, when he was eleven as well. My parents took him in and raised him like he was a son. We got on well. Too well. Oh, the trouble we would get up to. Me with my clever planning and, well, cunning nature, and Emmett with his love of a good joke. When we went off together to university- Eton, of course- we met Jasper, and we three became very close. But I was a troublemaker. I had money to spend, a love of gambling, and an eye for the ladies. I was trouble in the making and no father there to rein me in. I ended up with this group of boys that were just not good. They liked to carouse and find women, and to my shame, I fell in with them and picked up some very bad habits. Emmett and Jasper did what they could to keep me on the right path, and my father did what he could with threats, but I ignored them all. It's a wonder Emmett and Jasper are still my friends after all I've put them through."

She scoffed, but I ignored that and continued on.

"By the time I left university, I was ready to take on London. I got a small house here and really became debauched. I took up a mistress, Adele's mother, and thought I was in love. Love, like what she and I had was love. She used me, I used her. That was all. But it gave me Adele, so I will not regret it. I tired of her and paid her off and paid for a nice family to take care of Adele because Martine was no mother. It was then I began to change and become hard and what the _ton_ called the 'Cold One.' I drifted a bit, had an affair or two with married women- only married women; they were safe and could make no demands on me. That was until I met Violetta, the actress. She was beautiful, funny, and had me in some sort of spell. But she was hard and cold, and only wanted me for my money. I quickly discovered her true nature. Greed was what ruled her. She became with child, who I assumed was mine, and gave birth to Katie. Obviously, Katie is mine, so I too paid her off and placed Katie in the same care with Adele. They were well taken care of and out of the clutches of these not good women who had given birth to them. After that, I tried to be better and had no other mistress and only one affair. I'd had enough of being a father to illegitimate children."

I looked at her to gauge her reaction and to see if she was ready to tell me to shove off. This was vile, disgusting stuff indeed I had just laid out before her. I was not proud of any of it.

She had been just looking off towards the window as I spoke. She turned her head and said in a quiet voice and with an expressionless face, "Continue."

I searched her face for a moment, but she was revealing nothing. I nodded and began again.

"After that, I became a total and complete bastard. Very cold and hard. My new love became gambling and drinking. I drug along Emmett and Jasper with me when I could. Mostly Emmett after Jasper signed up for the military. That dark period lasted until my father's death in the spring last year. His funeral and the inheritance of the title and all that entailed quickly cured me of my recklessness. I retrieved the girls and had them installed at the Hall and tried my best to be good. Well, my version of good."

I raised our joined hands and softly kissed her wrist. "That was until a certain gloriously beautiful, brown-eyed angel walked into my study and stole the heart I didn't realize I even had."

I just looked at her and awaited a response to what I had said so far. She held my eyes for a moment and looked down.

"Is that all? What about your father? Surely all this isn't the family secret."

I didn't know what to make of this. Perhaps she waited to hear everything and then she would tell me to go to the devil and my torment of a life without her would begin.

I swallowed and wet my lips. "No. It's not."

"My…father was good. He loved my mother and us very much. He was good to the servants and farm workers…he was good to everyone. And he had high standards. He expected the best from you, and because he was so admired, all of us, including the servants, tried to live up to his expectations. But he also had a secret. He was ill. He hid it for a while, but the last year of his life, it just became too obvious to Mother. He became almost a recluse, not wanting people to see him wasting away. Something was eating up his body, and he was ashamed of the way he began to look. And he was in constant pain. The laudanum was the only thing that kept him going. My mother was devastated. She hated to see him suffer. And it hurt my father to see her in pain. He couldn't stand it. He adored her. He would do anything for her. So one day last April, he went to his study and was cleaning a gun. Whether it was an accident, or on purpose, that gunshot ended my father's life."

I paused for a moment and closed my eyes. Bella squeezed my hand. I opened them and looked at her.

"You see, he probably killed himself to save my mother any more suffering. But this has left us in this awful bloody mess. The doctor was his friend and ruled it accident, but I know it wasn't. You know well the consequences of this. Suicide is a deadly sin_. Felo-de-se._ If there was an inquest, even now, either my father would be ruled as taking his own life or insane. Either way, it's social ruin. The crown could take everything from me. My title, my estate, everything. My father's body would be unburied and reburied in unconsecrated ground. Can you imagine what that would do to my mother? This is the terrible secret we hide. It would be our ruin. My whole family and my children's ruin. Do you see why I had to agree to six months? I had to protect my family."

She nodded, her eyes wide.

"And now you know every deep, dark secret about my family. Except this about me. That from the moment I met you and loved you, I was determined to keep you. At any cost. That is my greatest shame. That I coveted you and almost ruined you. You. The best person I've ever met. The one true beacon of light I've ever seen on this earth. The only person I've ever truly opened my heart to and loved. Please, forgive me that. And please, tell me what you're thinking, love."

She was looking down at our hands. She took her free one and placed it over them. Then she looked up and met my eyes. She seemed…peeved. I waited in great trepidation for what she would say. My heart was pounding, and I was almost shaking with nerves. This right here was our watershed moment. She could end it all. Walk away from me and she would have every right. I was not a good man. I had done wretched things in my past. And my own father was quite possibly, according to the law, a criminal for taking his own life. These were not things a sweet, innocent, beautiful lady would want to tie herself to.

"What do I _think_? I think you should have told me sooner. I think you should have trusted me enough to know how much I love you and would never betray you. I think you should know that I don't like or approve of any of those things you did in your past, but they are just that, the past. And I think how can one regret what gave you Adele and Katie? I think your father was a good man who loved your mother and made a bad decision that hurt her more. I think that it doesn't matter if he did kill himself. I understand his reasoning. I think that you can't possibly covet what is already yours. And finally, I think…now that's out of the way, that our marriage will be one built on trust and love. Just tell me the truth, always, Edward, and we'll deal with that. And now, will you please ask your question?"

I was astounded. Bella always surprised me. Always. She dealt with all that matter-of-factly and moved on. She was took a no-nonsense approach to everything, I realized. For her, things were simple. You loved, you trusted, and you accepted. And she still wanted to wed me! I did not deserve this angel sitting here beside me. My poor, wretched excuse for a heart belonged totally to her, and she was willing to love me in return. I was beside myself. I removed my hand from hers and stood. I stepped in front of her and fell to my knees. I then took both of her hands in mine and held them tight.

I was overcome and found it hard to speak.

"Bella…I…Bella, I just love you. Just you. You're an angel sent from God to save me. To redeem me." I was choking up, and Bella, too, had tears in her eyes. "Honestly, I'll never truly be worthy of your love, but I promise you this, my darling: I will love you, adore you, cherish you, and worship you with all that is within me my entire life. You are my light in the dark. You are the sun to brighten and warm my days. You are the stars in the sky that shine brightly in the night. You are my candle in the window calling me home. Angel, love of my life, marry me, my darling, beautiful Bella, and make me the happiest of men."

She took her hands from mine and placed them on my cheeks, cupping my face. Tears were falling from her eyes, but a smile was upon her face.

"Dearest Edward. _My_ Edward. I am yours. I have _always_ been yours. I love you. So yes. A thousand times, _yes_."

My heart exploded with fierce joy. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me and kissed her on her lips and then all over her beautiful face. She was laughing and smiling brighter than the sun.

"My darling, there isn't a happier man that's ever lived than me! I love you so much."

I pulled back and reached with one hand in my pocket and pulled out her ring. I took her left hand and slid it on her third finger where it would stay for the rest of her life. I just looked at my ring on her finger for a moment in absolute blazing pride. She was _mine_. Nothing and no one could take her from me now.

"You like that, don't you?" she asked in an amused voice.

I met her velvety brown eyes. "Yes, love, you have no idea how much I like that," I said with some emotion. "Do you like the ring? I had it specially made you." I waited anxiously for her reply.

She lifted her hand and studied the ring. She turned her hand, and the diamonds in it sparkled.

"It's beautiful, Edward. Lovely. It's perfect. And because you gave it to me, my love, I cherish it."

We exchanged warm, happy smiles.

"You know, Edward, my love, you don't have to kneel at my feet forever. Come sit by me."

"Angel, I love you, and I would gladly kneel before you the rest of my life just to hear you say you love me and will always be mine."

"Edward, I will always be yours," she vowed.

I closed my eyes. _Please, God, if you have any pity on this man whatsoever, let that statement remain true._

* * *

A note on how suicide was dealt with in this time period. (And if you're wondering, yes, Carlisle did indeed commit suicide.)

_**Felo-de-se**_

It's been said that of the seven deadly sins, despair is the most unforgivable. Only despair automatically excludes a person from God's grace. In Regency England, it was believed that the Devil, in the form of despair, lured people to suicide-an act considered to be an offense against God. Inquests were conducted and the dead person was tried posthumously. If convicted of _felo de se_—crime against oneself (i.e. self-murder)-the deceased was denied Christian burial. The body was carried to a crossroad, thrown into a pit, and a wooden stake driven through it. No clergy attended. No prayers were said. And the Crown confiscated the victim's property.

If, however, the victim was found to be _non compos mentis_-not of sound mind—this harsh punishment was not meted out. But such a finding was rare. Of the more than eight hundred inquests held between 1580-90, for example, only five deaths were judged _non compos mentis._ And in a kind of macabre Catch-22, if a dead person was proved to be insane, his/her mental illness was considered _prima-facie_ evidence the death was suicide.

The practice of burying these victims at a crossroad goes back to Teutonic times when criminals were executed where four roads met. The idea was to prevent the dead person's spirit from returning to haunt or avenge itself against the living. Faced with paths stretching in all directions, the spirit would be confused and unable to find its way home. A stake was driven through the body as an additional precaution. Not only did it anchor the spirit in place, but the evil that drove the victim to take his/her life would be released.

In 1823, an overhaul of British law decriminalized suicide.

**Thank you for reading and review if you would be so kind.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	19. Announcement

**Hello lovely readers. Thanks for all the reviews and favorites. It makes me so happy that others love this story being it's quite different from most Twilight fanfic out , and I wasn't sure there was an interest for it. Also, forgive me any historical inaccuracies, social customs, titles, etc. I do much research to make sure this is correct, but I will make mistakes. **

**Thanks also go out to Rhi for being my beta and friend. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own Lord Cullen. **

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 18: Announcement**

**James **

I knocked on the door to the boarding house with some trepidation. I had been putting off this visit because I had messed up the plan, and I knew that she was not going to be pleased with me.

That was putting it mildly.

The door opened, and I was greeted with a ferocious frown. Then the harping began. "Well. It's about time, James! Where have you been? Out whoring? Running up even more gambling debts? You're supposed-"

I grabbed her and kissed her to shut her up, and it turned into almost a fight of who could kiss the hardest and rip the other's clothes off the fastest. After our fast and furious mating, we lay on her bed, and she leaned up and gave me an annoyed look.

"So, Isabella Swan is being seen everywhere with Cullen. Apparently, they're about to announce their betrothal. James, tell me what went wrong. We had a plan. You're _supposed _to be married to her by now. Then, to Scotland, she dies in a riding accident, and we live off her money. I get revenge, Cullen is devastated, and that bitch that's got her hooks into him is dead."

She'd said all that with an evil grin and a horrible laugh. Sometimes, I found this woman beyond frightening. I think she might kill _me_ even to get what she wanted.

"I _did_ follow the plan. I was doing this inane wooing charade. I thought once she refused Jacob Black, and he wasn't around as much, I would have a better chance. I thought I'd make my move and set it up for us to be caught in a compromising position at the Mallen's house party. But…Cullen was there. I have no idea why or how. He caught me unaware and threatened me, and I had to leave. I'll get even with him for humiliating me, though. Just you see."

I had been contemplating the ways I would ruin Cullen. Her knowledge and my cunning would be his demise. "Oh, and the other one was there, as well. Miss him?" I asked her snidely with a sideways glance.

She shot me a look of hatred. "Don't you _dare_ even mention him! He is a total bastard and dead to me. I _hate_ him."

She got up and put on a wrapper, and started pacing angrily.

"You know, I took you for being smarter than you are, but apparently you're truly stupid. You should've made your move when Cullen wasn't around. I see I'm going to have to do this myself. Relying on you got me nowhere but out of that God forsaken exile in that cursed cold place."

What? That bitch!

"You are speaking of my _home_. Perhaps Scotland is a better place without you in it," I said in anger. "And as for me being stupid, well, me helping you, you vile, heartless bitch proves that I just may be. We're done, you and I. But I have something to settle with Cullen."

"James, wait. I…need money. Don't go. I'm sorry." She gave me a pleading look and acted as if she could cry. I knew better. One must have a heart to cry and being she had none, tears were impossible.

"Sorry. Can't help," I said as I got up and quickly donned my clothing. "You made your bed, and now you must lie in it."

I strode to the door, and she ran and grabbed my arm.

"James, wait, I have another plan! I'm sorry. We can do this together. Forgive me? Please?" She gave me a pleading look and pouted. It didn't move me. Time in her bed was not enough payment to put up with her ugly nature.

I gave her a cold look as I spoke softly and deadly. "_Remove your hand from me_."

She pulled her hand back as if burned and looked shocked. I turned and without looking back, went out the door.

Cullen and my revenge were waiting.

x~x

**Bella**

I looked down at the ring glistening on my gloved finger. I was engaged. To Edward! Finally. I was so happy. Grandfather would announce it tonight at the ball. I was so happy. I was loved and loved in return. No greater joy could I have imagined.

We were in the carriage on our way to Edward's for the grand ball. I was trying to contain my excitement as we made the short trip. The carriage stopped, and Grandmother, Grandfather, and me alit and walked up the steps. I patted my hair and arranged the bracelet on my arm. Why was I nervous? The engagement was a done deal. The announcement a formality. I had on a new lovely sapphire blue ball gown to match my ring. All was finally right with my world. What could possibly go wrong?

Edward and his family were waiting in the foyer receiving guests, and my face lit with a huge smile upon seeing his beloved face. He smiled a blinding smile in return and strode over to me. He looked most fine in a light blue tailcoat, cream pantaloons, and a sapphire blue waistcoat that matched my dress- thanks to Alice, no doubt.

He spoke quietly so only I could hear. "Bella, love, you're radiant. So beautiful. It almost hurts my eyes to look upon your beauty."

"Oh, Edward. You're just blinded by love. I'm quite ordinary."

"As in love with you as I am, I'm not blind. Ordinary? Never. You're quite simply the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes upon, my angel."

"_Edward._" Oh, he always knew what to say to me to disarm me and touch my heart.

He smiled softly and offered me his arm. "Come, love, let me show you off."

I greeted his family, and he asked me to stand with him. This really wasn't done, but it was what he wished. And I wished as well. I wanted to be near him as much as possible. The looks we were given ranged from astonished to knowing. Edward was making a point loud and clear that I was his, and one day, I would be the one greeting our guests to our home. Our home. I felt in a dream. In just one month, Edward would be my husband. I almost couldn't contain myself.

After most of the guests arrived, he leaned down and said quietly with a grin, "Someone, well, a couple of some ones, wish to see you and your ball gown."

He nodded to a groom nearby who went up the stairs quickly. Edward led me to the foot of the stairs, and there were two moppets in their nightgowns, eyes wide and faces full of awe. I grinned at them and waved. Adele and Katie grinned and waved madly back at Edward and me.

Amy had placed tiny flowers all in my hair. I reached in the back and pulled two out. A footman was nearby. I motioned to him. He came over, and I asked him to take them to the girls. Edward and I watched them receive their flowers with looks of joy on their faces. I nodded to them and Nurse Brown led them off to bed.

"You've just made two little girls very happy, love," he said with a smile at me.

"Well, those two moppets make me very happy all the time, so it's only fair that I return the favor," I replied.

He sighed and gave me a tender look. I knew how much it meant to Edward that I loved the girls and ignored their lowly births. I really didn't care about things like that. Children were meant to be loved and cherished. Whoever they were and no matter their station in life. Plus those girls were a part of Edward, the man I loved. How could I not love them just for being that?

He offered me his arm and escorted me into the ballroom. We got several stares, and there was chatter as we passed when my ring glittered from my left hand on Edward's arm. We stopped to chat with several people, and when the music started, he led me to the floor. As always, when we danced, we only had eyes for each other. When the dance ended, he led me off the floor, and several men approached me to ask me to dance, but Edward was having none of that. He defied custom and kept me close. I did not care. I was with my Edward. I was in my happy place.

Alice came to drag me off to meet some people, and Edward gave me a smile and said he'd see me for the supper dance. I was introduced to some friends of Alice and Jasper's, Angela and Benjamin Cheney, who seemed very nice indeed. I took to Angela immediately and told her I hoped we could become better acquainted.

I was standing near the open terrace door because it was stifling hot, and I needed some air. Alice and the Cheney's had turned to speak to someone else when I felt a hand on my arm. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled forcefully out onto the terrace.

"What-?"

A hand covered my mouth. Then James was leering at me as he spoke softly, but forcefully, "You will remain silent. I do not wish to hurt you, but I will. Now, you're coming with me, and we're going to Gretna Green to wed. I want that money, Isabella. I need it. I'm in deep trouble, and your money is going to get me out of it. When I take my hand from your mouth, you'll be quiet or else."

Was he mad? Marry him? Be quiet? I don't think so. Was he stupid? Apparently, yes.

The moment he took his hand off my mouth, I began to scream. James groaned in frustration and released my arm. Several people ran out onto the terrace including Edward and my grandfather. Edward was over to me in a heartbeat. He punched James, who went down hard.

"I believe," Edward said quietly and deadly as he removed his gloves, "that I told you I'd make you sorry you'd ever been born. That is about to happen, MacKinnon."

He bent down and picked James up by his lapels. Edward had a look on his face like he was going to murder James, and well, James looked frightened. I was a bit worried. I knew how protective and possessive Edward was of me. This did not bode well for James. But what I was truly worried about was Edward possibly getting hurt and the scandal. Edward did not need any more scandal attached to him or his family.

Grandfather walked quickly to Edward and put his hand on his arm. "Cullen, no. It's not worth the scandal. He's beneath you. Nothing. It's improper for you to engage him or challenge him to a duel. And here is not the place to take out your frustration. This is your grand ball. You have guests. And Isabella should not be a witness to violence. I'll take care of him. He'll never trouble you, Isabella, or anyone ever again."

He gripped Edward's arm and held his eyes. I could see the battle Edward was having within himself. He wanted to deal with James in his own way and right at this moment, but even I understood this just wasn't done. You just can't get into fisticuffs at a grand ball and one could only engage someone of equal social standing to a duel. Edward's hands were tied. Finally coming to realize this, Edward nodded once curtly and let James go by throwing him down on the stones of the terrace. He stepped back and held his arms down at his sides in tight fists. He nearly vibrated with pent up anger and frustration.

Grandfather nodded at Edward and turned and looked down at James. "Stand up. You have shamed me and our family. I do not take this lightly. Come with me. Now." Grandfather had spoken in a voice I had never heard, but it rang with authority and command and was to be obeyed without question. James nodded and with a look of trepidation on his face, stood, and silently followed Grandfather back inside.

There was a small crowd on the terrace who had witnessed much of this. There were muted whispers all around. This was grave indeed. Such a scene would be repeated and amplified out of proportion to what actually happened within minutes. Our two families must move quickly to try to smooth this social gaffe.

Edward hadn't moved. His anger was still a mantle laying over him. I just stood and awaited him. Edward turned his head slightly and held out his hand.

"Isabella." It was a command, and I readily obeyed, walking over to him and placing my hand in his. I heard some shocked comments.

"Are you injured?" he asked in a tight voice, his fury barely contained.

"No, Edward. He imposed upon me, but he did not injure me."

More shocked whispers. If we didn't announce our engagement soon, we would be the talk of the _ton_.

"Then he gets to live. Come, love, let's go inside. I believe that we have some business to attend to."

I nodded, and he pulled me by my hand back inside the terrace doors to the ballroom. He didn't stop until we reached his mother. He quickly whispered what had happened and I had to admit, I admired his mother's fortitude. She simply looked at Edward, and then me, closed her eyes briefly, and nodded. The gossip was spreading like wildfire. The musicians were playing and some were still dancing. Others just stood in groups whispering. Heads were turning and looking at the two of us. Edward ignored them all and continued to hold my hand.

My grandfather came back into the ballroom and quickly walked up to us. He spoke quietly and seriously. "We must announce this now before this situation gets out of hand. It's imperative to save Isabella's reputation." Edward nodded curtly, and he and I, and Grandfather walked to the dais, then Grandfather motioned for the musicians to be silent.

In a hearty, cheerful, booming voice he said, "Well, it seems you all are to witness a very special occasion this evening. The betrothment of my dear granddaughter Isabella Swan to Edward Masen, Viscount Cullen."

Edward squeezed my hand and smiled at me. All other things fell away as I basked in that smile and the realization that I was now publicly betrothed to my Edward.

"So, grab a glass and let's toast to their future and their happiness."

There were cheers, applause, and a loud rumble of voices as people discussed this new development. We were approached by everyone and congratulated and offered felicitations.

A huge rumble now flowed through the crowd, and Edward and I turned to see what was happening. In the doorway stood His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales and Regent of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. I was stunned. I had never met him. He had come to the Cullen's ball! Alice had wanted this to cement the family socially. The fact that he was here at all, even for just a minute was enough. The whole ballroom fell into bows and deep curtsies. His Royal Highness walked up to us.

"Your Royal Highness," Edward said with a deep bow as I slid into my best deep curtsy, praying I didn't topple over. I was quite nervous at this moment.

"Cullen. Rise." We did, and he looked us over. "So, I hear you have gotten yourself betrothed."

"Yes, Your Royal Highness." Edward turned slightly to me, took my hand, and raised it. "May I introduce Miss Isabella Swan. My fiancée," Edward said with pride and in satisfaction.

His Royal Highness took my gloved hand and kissed the back of it. "I'm charmed, Miss Swan. Are you not the granddaughter of Glastonburgh?"

"Yes, Your Royal Highness. We were recently reunited."

"Yes. So I heard." He released my hand and turned to Edward. "Will there be a waltz tonight, Cullen? I am keen to dance it." He had introduced the waltz at a ball he held last month, but even though the Crown itself had put its approval on it; many felt it a scandalous dance and did not include it in their balls.

Edward hesitated a moment, then spoke. "If that is your wish, Your Royal Highness, I will command the musicians to play one now."

"Yes, that is exactly my wish, Cullen. And perhaps, Miss Swan, you would do me the honor?"

I glanced at Edward and saw his jaw was rigid, and his displeasure tightly contained. But what can one do? You do not turn down royalty when they asked you to dance.

"Yes, that would be lovely, Your Royal Highness."

Edward spoke with the musicians, and the music started. The murmur amongst the people grew as the first strains of a waltz started. The Prince Regent led me out to the floor, and we began to glide across the floor. Soon others joined in. Not everyone, but many did. And it was a glorious dance, even if I did not like being held this closely by another man. I looked around and saw Edward standing there at the edge of the dance floor, arms crossed and jealousy plain on his face.

"It seems your fiancée does not like to share you, Miss Swan."

I grinned slightly. "So it would seem, Your Royal Highness."

"Tell me, Miss Swan, will this be a marriage of convenience, connecting two powerful families, or one of love?" He really seemed interested in my answer. Everyone knew of his disastrous marriage and his hatred for his wife Princess Caroline.

"Oh, it's one of love, Your Royal Highness. Lord Cullen is a good man and has won my heart."

"Cullen? Cullen is a good man, Miss Swan?"

"Yes, Your Royal Highness. The best. I love him."

He stopped dancing and just looked at me. "Then he is the most fortunate of men to have won such a prize as you, Miss Swan." He raised my hand, kissed the back of it, and turned and led me over to Edward. "I believe, Cullen, that you have found a rare jewel in Miss Swan. Take good care of her and her heart."

"I know I have, Your Royal Highness, and I swear on my life to do so." The Prince Regent nodded, and Edward bowed, and I curtsied to him. He turned and walked away and left out the ballroom doors.

Edward smiled at me and led me to the dance floor. Then we were gliding across the floor as one. It was glorious, this being held by Edward, gazing into his green eyes and just being lost in each other and the music. I realized that I loved this dance. It was a beautiful and almost like something out of a dream to twirl around the dance floor being held by the one you loved.

I grinned at Edward. "I love you. I am so joyous to soon be Isabella Masen. Only a month now, love, and I'll be your wife."

Edward got a fierce look on his face, and his eyes blazed with love and pride. "Oh, my darling, His Royal Highness is correct; you are a rare and precious jewel. I love you and cannot wait for the day we stand before God and pledge our troth."

I smiled at him and felt my heart full and overflowing with love.

"Soon, my love. Very soon now."

We continued gliding to the sound of the waltz and the beating of our own two hearts as one.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **

**Much love,**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	20. Preparation

**To Be in Her Light got nominated for a Gem Award for Best Romance! You can go here to vote for it **

**Love to my sweet beta Rhi and my many readers. Love you all.**

**I do not own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 19: Preparation**

Bella and I walked into the nursery. The girls had been playing, but dropped everything at the sight of Bella and ran to her. The affection and love the girls showed for Bella only grew, and my heart was warmed knowing that my daughters would have such a wonderful mother. I just stood back and witnessed a scene that made my heart sing and brought a smile to my face. Bella was down on the floor on her knees and hugging Adele with one arm and Katie with the other.

"Oh, Miss Swan! The flowers were so pretty. Thank you! And your dress was lovely," Adele said. She turned to look at me. "Thank you, Papa, for letting us see Miss Swan at your ball!"

I grinned at Adele. "You are most welcome, Adele."

"Oh, Miss Swan! You looked like a _princess_," Katie said. She looked down and played with the ruffle on her dress. "I bet your ball gown had pretty buttons," she said so sadly. Oh, that little schemer. Learning from her sister, no doubt.

Bella glanced at me with a grin and winked. "It does have pretty buttons. Well, it did. My dress seems to missing a couple now." Bella reached into a pocket on her dress and pulled out two silver buttons and handed one to Adele and one to Katie. "Like these."

You would have thought she just told Katie she could have two desserts from her reaction, I thought in amusement.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, Miss Swan!" She hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.

Adele was a bit more reserved, but loved it none the less. "Yes, thank you, Miss Swan," she said and smiled at Bella.

"Girls, we have something to discuss with you. If you could have a seat, we can talk."

They got up and sat down at the table. I walked over and offered Bella my hand, and she stood, and we, too, sat down at the table. I looked at the girls, and then deliberately reached over and took Bella's hand and laid our intertwined hands on the table. Adele and Katie looked at our hands, their eyes wide.

"Adele. Katie. I mean to take a wife. What do you think?"

They were both silent for a moment, then Adele spoke, "Oh." She glanced at Bella. "Will she be nice, Papa?"

"Yes, she's very nice. Kind, too."

Katie scrunched her face up in displeasure. "But will she read with us? Will she take us on nature walks like Miss Swan? Will she bring me buttons?"

"Ah, I believe she will do all of those things," I said with a grin.

Bella gave me a look like 'stop it.' I chuckled and nodded.

"She'll be your mother, and I expect you to give her the upmost respect and obedience."

"Yes, Papa." Adele nodded at me gravely.

"Yes, Father," Katie said with a frown.

"Do you not wish to know who it is I wed? Will you not ask me who your new mother will be?"

Adele squared her shoulders and with some emotion said, "Unless it is Miss Swan, then I do not care to know."

I laughed. Oh, this eldest one of mine will be a handful in a few years, I'm sure. "Well then, you will not be disappointed. Miss Swan has agreed, by some miracle, to wed your poor father. So, girls, Miss Swan will be your new mother. Do you approve?"

I glanced at Bella, and she nodded. I assumed I had done that right because she seemed pleased with me.

There was a stunned silence from the girls and then the explosion.

"Yes!" A joyous cry from Katie.

"Oh, lovely. Of course we approve, Papa! We love Miss Swan. Oh, I knew it!" came from Adele.

The girls ran over to us, and I picked up Katie and Bella picked up Adele. I wrapped my arm around Bella and hugged them all close. I just looked at my three girls. My emotions were overwhelming me at the moment.

"My beautiful girls." I looked at Bella, then Adele and then Katie. "I…I love you all. My dear, precious family."

Bella smiled sweetly and tears fell from her eyes. I leaned over and gently kissed her forehead and then both of the girls. We just sat that way for some time. I couldn't think of anywhere else on earth I'd rather be than here, holding the three people on earth I loved best.

x~x

We had decided upon a date of Saturday, September seventh. Well, actually, I had insisted upon it. I was done waiting for Bella to be my wife. That was only three weeks away now, and my mother and sister and even Bella's grandmother had complained mightily that it just wasn't enough time to prepare a society wedding. I didn't care. It was enough time for the three weeks of banns to be read. The rest would work out.

I was sitting on Bella's bed, and she was discussing her day. She had then moved on to the wedding plans Alice was making, and I was listening, but kept getting distracted by Bella's gaping wrapper. The curve of her breast was just barely visible, and it was driving me slowly out of my mind. Finally, I just reached my hand up and drew my fingers down from her collar bone to the soft curve of her breast. I watched my hand as if mesmerized. The feel of her soft skin on my fingertips was beyond description.

She had stopped talking and held very still. Then she reached out a hand and trailed it up my thigh. I softly groaned in pleasure. Tonight. I was going to do something tonight for her that I had never done. But I was a desperate man, and I needed this woman. I needed to see her and to taste her.

I took my hands and placed them on her arms and gently laid her down. She just watched me, her eyes wide and her breath coming quicker. I untied the belt of her wrapper and parted it. She lay there in just a shift, and I could see the outline of her beautiful body. The darker circles of her nipples and even the darker hair between her legs. Now my breathing was coming rapidly and my heart pounding. I knelt beside her and slowly drug my hands up her legs. She sighed in pleasure.

I got to her thighs and the edge of her shift, placing my fingers underneath the shift and my thumbs on top. I slowly slid it up her thighs, over her hips, and stopped for a moment at her stomach. I just had to stare at her loveliness. She was petite, but had gently flaring hips and her stomach was flat with an adorable belly button. My eyes were then drawn to that triangle of dark hair and I couldn't wait to discover the treasures it held.

I swallowed hard and continued pushing the shift up her stomach and over her breasts. I stopped again and just gazed in awe at those perfect breasts. This was the woman I got to touch and make love to the rest of my life. I cannot even express my overwhelming gratitude to God for this gift. I motioned for her to sit up, and I slid the sleeves of her wrapper off and pulled the shift over her head. Her face turned slightly pink in embarrassment, but she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She was beautiful. Perfection.

I gently laid her back down and just gazed into those velvety brown eyes. She reached up and stroked her hand through my hair, and I sighed in pleasure.

"Edward, are we…are you…" she stopped talking and turned even pinker. Ah, that was adorable.

"No, darling. Not tonight. I told you not until our wedding night. But I needed to see you. To touch you. Is that all right with you, my love?"

She softly bit her lip and nodded. My eyes were drawn to those small white teeth sunk into her pink lips. I needed to taste her. Now.

I leaned down a gently sucked her top lip. She gasped, and I took her whole mouth with mine and began a long exploring kiss. I do believe I could kiss this woman every minute of the entire day…and night. My entire soul leapt in gladness every time my lips met hers. As if they were my home.

I pulled away from her lips and kissed her softly at the edge of her mouth. Then, right there on her jaw. There, on her temple. Briefly there, on her closed eyelid. Right there, on the gentle swirl of her earlobe. Then there, on the soft spot behind her ear. Uhmmm….she smelled of jasmine and that special soft Bella scent. Intoxicating.

I softly trailed kisses down her long, graceful neck. I noticed she had freckles there on her body. Adorable. I must kiss every one, I decided. There on her shoulder. Ah, that one on her left breast. Those three across her stomach. She had ten up her right arm. I neglected not one. Only five on her left arm. That was a disappointment. But I spied one on her left knee. Her right thigh. Oh, I have a whole other canvas to cover, I realized in joy.

"Roll over, love. Please."

She looked at me for a moment and nodded. She rolled over and rested her head on her arms. Dear Lord. This woman was beautiful _everywhere_. I looked in wonder at the smooth skin on her back. My eyes trailed down her spine to those gently flaring hips and then took in the lovely, perfect curves of her bottom. I swallowed very hard and took a deep breath. The reaction of my body was almost painful, but I ignored it. This wasn't about me at all. This was about Bella.

I slid my hands across her shoulders and slowly down her back, massaging the muscles as I did. She groaned in pleasure. I had to stop for a moment and calm myself down. Feeling more in control, I continued down her back and slid my hands over the curving softness of her bottom. She was a gloriously beautiful woman and felt like heaven in my hands.

Ah, and then, more freckles. Thank God she had a lot of them on her back. I kissed them here and there and down her back to just above her bottom where a heart-shaped one was. That one was my favorite one, I decided right then and there and grinned against her skin.

"Roll back over, please, my love."

She did, and my hands were immediately on her breasts. I gently massaged them, and she sighed. I leaned down and softly sucked her right nipple, and she put her hand in my hair and gripped tightly. When I was sure that breast had gotten enough attention, I trailed kisses over to her left. Now, both of Bella's hands were in my hair gripping it tightly. I must not get carried away, I reminded myself. But her passionate responses were a little overwhelming.

I kissed down to her stomach and made sure to cover every inch of that pale loveliness. Then, each hip bone. I was so close now to the beautiful place between her legs. I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to see her. I took my hands and placed them on her thighs and gently parted them wide. Oh. Oh, dear Lord. She _was _beautiful everywhere. And another freckle. Right there on the inside of her right thigh. I leaned down and kissed it twice. I could smell her scent, and I closed my eyes and inhaled her arousal and the scent of my woman.

"Edward. What are you doing?" Bella asked in an embarrassed voice.

"I'm admiring my beautiful woman and enjoying her scent of temptation. Next, I will taste you, love."

"What? Edward. That surely isn't done, is it?" she asked, quite shocked.

"Oh, yes, darling. It is done. And will be done."

And with that, I leaned in and gently licked her soft folds. She cried out in shock and pleasure, and I smiled. Oh, I was going to give my woman so much pleasure, she would call my name in joy. I kissed the inside of each thigh, up and down her soft folds and then parted them and kissed the center of her pleasure. She gasped, and I then licked and sucked until I could feel her thighs began to vibrate from the pleasure. Uhmm, she tasted so good. I ran my tongue down and slipped gently inside her with my tongue. She nearly came up off the bed. I grinned and replaced my tongue with my finger, and she cried out. I slowly and gently worked her with my finger as I kissed my way back to her perfect spot and gently licked. Seemingly all at once, she grasped my hair tightly, bent her legs, almost sitting up, and held me to her as she found her release.

"Ah, ah, oh, Edward!" she yelled, and I softly licked her until she let go of my hair and fell back on the bed. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and slid up beside her languid body.

She was lying there with her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. I kissed her nose, and she opened her eyes.

"I love you," I said from my very soul.

She reached her arms out and pulled me to her, hugging my back tightly. I ran my arms under her back and held her to me cupping her head.

"I love you, Edward. That was…incredible, my love. I can't wait for more."

"Greedy woman. I see I shall have to work hard to keep you well pleasured. Not that I will mind that at all," I said with a smirk.

She quirked her lips in amusement. "No, I would think not. I cannot wait to touch you as well, my love. When can I?"

"Ah, not until we're married, love. Once your hands are on me, that will be my undoing. There'll be no turning back from that. For now, it is enough that I can touch you."

She sighed. "Well then, this marriage cannot get here quick enough for me."

"For me either," I said almost as a groan. My body was still raging with desire for my beautiful, naked woman I held against me.

"Edward, I do believe I'm going to enjoy being your wife very, very much," she said with a grin.

"Not as much as I will enjoy being your husband," I said with a grin in return and gently kissed her lips.

* * *

**Next chapter…wedding?**

**Thanks for reading and leave me some review love if you would.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	21. Wedding

**Hello lovely readers. I hope you aren't mad. This is just how the story goes. **

**Thanks to my sweet beta Rhi. Love you bunches.**

**All things Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing the characters. **

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 20: Wedding**

I awoke to the sun shining and butterflies in my stomach. Today was the day. Finally Edward would be my husband. I sat up and stretched. Tonight. Edward would finally make me totally his. I grinned in anticipation.

Amy came bustling in carrying my wedding dress she apparently had just ironed.

"Morning, Miss. Lovely day for a wedding, wouldn't you say?"

I grinned. "Beautiful day, Amy. Oh, in just a few hours, I'll be wed. I'm so excited!"

She smiled widely back at me. "A blessing to be sure. You've had to wait so long. And, Miss, you'll be a Vicountess. I'll have to call you 'My Lady' after today."

"Oh. I didn't think of that. I'll be Lady Cullen." I pulled my legs up and hugged my knees. "I believe I'm going to like being Lord Cullen's wife very much, Amy," I said dreamily, drifting off contemplating this.

"Indeed, Miss," Amy said with a chuckle. "You'd best eat something and have your tea, then a bath, and let me fix your hair."

I nodded and hopped out of bed, anxious to begin my preparations.

x~x

I stood at the top of the staircase and took a deep breath. I looked down at my dress of shimmering ice blue and down to my lovely matching slippers peeking out from the hem. Amy had arranged my hair part way up and the rest falling in gentle waves on my shoulders. A coronet of daisies that I had insisted upon was in my hair. My dress was adorned with small seed peals, and I wore a pearl necklace along with Edward's he had given me, pearl earbobs, and a matching bracelet over my gloves.

Amy held a lovely bouquet of flowers, and I realized this was it. I grinned and descended the stairs.

Grandfather smiled softly and kissed my forehead. "You, my granddaughter, are beautiful. Isabella, I just want you to be happy. Will he make you happy?" he asked in all seriousness.

I smiled in affection and kissed his cheek. "Yes, Grandfather. I love him. I couldn't be happy apart from him."

He sighed and nodded. "Well, then, I believe we have a church to get to."

Grandmother walked over to me and touched my face. "We just want what's best for you, like your mother. We just went about it wrong with her." She touched my arm and said, "Be happy, Isabella."

"I will." I leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Amy handed me my wrap and helped me put it on, and then Grandfather offered me his arm and went out to the awaiting carriage. We were at the church in no time and were standing at the back of the church, awaiting the music to begin. My hand holding my flowers shook a little. Amy was hovering around me arranging my dress and my veil, making sure my hair was just right.

Finally, the music began and the doors were opened, and I took Grandfather's arm. I looked up and saw Edward standing there, and time stopped. He looked magnificent. I had never seen him better dressed or more handsome. But it wasn't his clothing that drew my eyes. It was his face. He had a look of such joy…such pride…such absolute love on his face that I almost cried.

I couldn't walk to him fast enough. The only thing that kept me from flying to him was Grandfather's arm holding mine. I held his eyes all the way down the aisle, and when Grandfather took my arm and offered it to Edward, I smiled at him in joy. His answering smile almost broke my heart. Edward was a very handsome man. I sometimes couldn't look away from his beautiful face. I had heard some say he was the most handsome man they'd ever seen. But happy, smiling Edward looking at me in love…there are no words to describe that beauty. It was as if an angel had just stepped out of Heaven, and he was still glowing with the light of God.

We just stared into each other's eyes as the Archbishop began the service. He didn't get very far before he was interrupted by a loud bang at the back of the church. Edward and I turned in surprise to see what had happened. The heavy wooden double doors had been thrown open, and a woman stood there with a look of fury upon her face. I felt Edward stiffen beside me, and it took me a moment to recognize that twisted, evil face, with her blond hair down all crazily around her face and her clothing not of the best quality.

Lady Ware. Rosalie. Oh. No. This could not be happening. Not today. I closed my eyes and began to pray. _Please don't let her speak, Lord. Please make her go away. Please, I begged God._

My prayers went unanswered.

She raised a hand and pointed at Edward. "This family…they have a secret." She surveyed the wedding guests, which included the Prince Regent and smirked. "Oh, yes…and I'm here to tell you exactly what it is."

By now, Lord Ware had reached her and was grabbing her arm; trying to, without hurting her, escort her from the building. He leaned in and said something low in her ear, looking furious.

She just looked at him and smiled. It was frightening. She apparently was insane.

Lord Ware started forcefully dragging her out, and she began to scream.

"No! You'll let me speak!"

He clamped a hand over her mouth, and apparently she bit him, because he wrenched it from her face and shook it in pain.

In the loudest voice possible, she yelled, "The Fifth Lord Cullen, Carlisle, and father to the sixth one standing there, he _killed_ himself. Shot himself to death!" She beamed in triumph.

You could hear a pin drop it was so quiet. Edward had been holding my hand and held it still, but now I could feel a change in him.

His Royal Highness stood up and walked to Edward. In a whisper, he asked, "Cullen. Is this true?"

Edward just held his eyes for one very long moment and then sighed. "I'm…not sure, Your Royal Highness. It could've been an accident."

"There will be an inquest," His Royal Highness said. "I want this sorted out. This is dire indeed if true, Cullen."

Edward just nodded, his jaw locked, his lips in a firm line.

His Royal Highness glanced at me, a look of regret upon his face. "Perhaps, Miss Swan, the wedding vows are best put on hold for now."

_What? No. I was standing here in my wedding dress. I'm going to marry Edward. Right now._

"But, Your Royal Highness…"

Edward did not look at me. He said in a firm voice, "No, Isabella. No wedding today."

His Royal Highness nodded at Edward, and Edward bowed, and I curtsied automatically, but I began to feel the shock of the moment. He then turned and walked down the aisle to the church doors. He stopped and said something to Lord Ware, who stiffened and stood straight up and nodded, then bowed.

Edward took a deep breath and spoke loudly, "Everyone, I'm sorry. There is to be no wedding today. A family emergency has come up and must be dealt with. Forgive me."

He turned to me slightly, but still did not look at me. "Come. We must speak." He pulled me by my hand through a door, into what appeared to be some sort of office.

"Edward. Why?"

"I will not tie you to my family, Bella. I will not drag you down with our shame. I could lose everything now. My title, my estates, my money. What kind of man would I be? I couldn't take care of you. I don't even know how I would take care of my girls."

"Edward, that doesn't matter. Besides, I have money. Grandfather settled an enormous trust upon me. See, we'll be fine."

He let out a short frustrated laugh. "You really think I would take your money, Bella? Live off your money? What kind of man do you think I am? It's my job to take care of you. And until I know I can do that, no marriage."

"But-"

"And you do understand don't you, that this is quite possibly social ruin. Society will not welcome me or any of my family. Do you think I would do that to you? Have you shunned? No. I'm going to do the right thing for once in my life. I'm going to give you up. I never should have pursued you in the first place. I'm not good enough for you, Bella. I never was. You must stay away from me. Go. Live your life. Find a good man to wed. Please." He finally looked at me, his face stricken and remorse written clearly on it. "Do this for me."

What?

"Edward. _No_. I don't want another man! Only you. _I love you_. Please reconsider," I pleaded.

"No. The engagement is off. The wedding is off. You are free, Isabella."

Isabella? The cold mantle had fallen over him. His face was unmovable and implacable.

_The hell it is_, I thought.

"Edward, no. Don't do this! Don't do this to me. Don't do this to us. I love you!"

As if I hadn't even spoken, he continued, "I'll make sure this doesn't reflect on you so that you will still be able to find a suitable match. Forgive me, Miss Swan, for taking so much of your time."

_Was he insane_? _Miss Swan_?

"Edward…no. _Do not do this_."

"Forgive me, Miss Swan. I must attend to my family now."

His face was cold and hard, but he took one step to me and lightly kissed my forehead, and then turned and walked back out the door.

I just stood there stunned and felt a pain in my chest so strong and deep it took my breath away.

_Damn him_! _Damn him and his nobleness_!

I had to stop him. I threw down my flowers and picked up my gown to raise the hem and began running. I ran out amongst the startled guests looking around frantically for Edward. I didn't see him or his mother, the girls, any of them. I started running down the aisle, almost shoving people out of the way. I heard several shocked and disapproving remarks. I didn't care. I had to reach Edward. I made it out the first set of doors, shoved my way to the outside doors, and stood at the top of the steps, searching for Edward and his family. There was his carriage, and I saw Esme and the girls already seated in it, looks of confusion on the girls' faces. Edward was stepping up to enter the carriage, and I yelled.

"_Edward!_"

It was a plea of desperation from my very soul. He hesitated for one brief moment, and I thought he might turn to me, but he squared his shoulders and then stepped into the carriage and shut the door. He did not glance my way once as they drove off. I slumped onto the stairs and just fell to pieces. I did not cry, but I felt shattered. Like a broken vase. I ignored everyone around me. Indeed, I did not hear or see anyone.

A short time later, a pair of strong arms picked me up and carried me to my family's carriage, and we were transported back to our London home. I sat in a dazed state and did not respond when spoken to. I just looked out the carriage window and shivered. I don't ever remember being so cold.

When we got back home, Amy helped me upstairs and started a large fire. She helped me undress and put a warming pan in my bed. The drink she had ordered had arrived, and she told me to drink it all. I had no idea what I drank, but it was hot and made me drowsy. She had put me in a night rail and then had me lie down.

Against my will, I slept.

x~x

I awoke and was disoriented. What time was it? I got up and walked across my room to look out my window. It was dark, but the sky was turning lighter. Dawn, then. I nodded to myself and began to get ready.

Amy came in and was surprised to see me standing and getting dressed. "Miss, what are you doing? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to see Edward. I've got to make him change his mind."

"But Miss, Lord Cullen and his family have left town. No one is sure where they are."

I stopped in the process of buttoning my cloak. "What? He left? The whole family left?"

She gave me a look of pity and concern. "Yes, Miss. I'm so sorry."

I walked over and slumped down into a chair by the fire. "Thank you for telling me, Amy. May I have some tea now?"

She gave me an odd look. "Sure, Miss. I'll go fetch it myself. Miss Isabella…are you feeling all right?"

I gave her a grim smile. "Yes, I'm fine. Perfectly fine. Tea, Amy."

She scrunched her eyebrows together and then nodded. "Yes, Miss. Of course. Right away." She turned and went out the door.

As soon as she left, I slumped into the chair. It seemed I had some planning, investigating, and visiting to do.

First, I must speak with Grandfather and make sure Edward does not lose everything. It would devastate him to lose Ward Hall. He loved it. It had been in his family for six generations. I would not let that be taken from him if I could. Grandfather was one of the most powerful men in England. He had the ear of the Prince Regent. He would take care of this for me if I asked him to. And quite frankly they owed my family after the treatment of my mother. I would play that card if necessary. Anything for Edward.

Second, I must find out where Edward was. He was not getting rid of me that easily. If he thought that I wouldn't pursue him, he was gravely mistaken.

And lastly, I had to figure out how to convince him to wed me. How to break through his cold, hard shell he had formed back around himself, and make him see me, hear me, and see reason.

Amy came bustling back in with the tea tray and poured me a cup. As I sipped my tea, a plan began to form in my mind.

It was bold…but I could be bold. It was fraught with any number of things that could go wrong, but it would force Edward's hand. I grinned to myself. My dear, stubborn Edward. I believe he was going to get the shock of his life. And probably would be angry with me. But I could deal with anger. Anger was good. Anger was feeling. And Edward feeling anger meant Edward could reach his love for me, as well.

Oh, yes. This would work. It had to.

* * *

**Please don't hurt me. Lol If you read the prologue, then you knew this was going to happen but, I am promising a happy ending. Do you think this Bella would settle for anything less than being Edward's wife? **

**Thanks for reading and leave me some review love or yell at me for this chapter. ha  
**

**xoxo**

**Sunny **


	22. Darkness

**Thanks for all the love and reviews. I have the best readers ever!**

**One last chapter of them apart. Bear with me please. You won't be disappointed.**

**Thanks to you my sweet beta Rhi. **

**I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does, however the contents of this story belong to me.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 21: Darkness**

It's over. Every bit of effort wasted. Every action and bit of planning futile.

I sat in the chair and just stared out the window. The gloomy overcast day suited my mood just fine. My mind wasn't on the upcoming inquest. It wasn't on the possibility of losing everything or even on the mess I'd left behind in London. No, it was solely on Bella. I missed her. Desperately.

In this time of trial, she could have been my comfort, my peace, my joy, my light in the darkness, my solid rock to lean upon, but I had cast her from me. It was the only choice I had. How could I bring her down with me? Innocent, sweet, beautiful Bella. To wed her knowing that my life as I knew it could be over soon would have been the height of selfishness. And if I learned anything, other than how to love from Bella, it was how to be unselfish and think of others first.

So, here I sit. Alone. And alone I would be the rest of my life. I loved Bella and would love only her until the day I passed on. If I couldn't have her, then it was no one for me.

I thought back to the awful scene where I'd had to try to explain to the girls what happened and tell them that I would not be marrying Bella. That was one of the hardest and worst things I've ever done aside from walking away from Bella. There were many tears and questions and pleas for me to change my mind. I nearly broke down myself in my own grief. I'd tried my best to make them understand and make sure they didn't blame Bella. None of this was her fault, and I didn't want the girls or anyone to be thinking badly of her. They had wept and clung to me, and I'd felt my heart break.

What had I done? Hurt Bella. Hurt my family. It was what had to be done, though. I would not regret it because it was what was best for Bella.

Dealing with Mother wasn't much better, nor Alice. Not only did we have the trauma of exposure and shame over the actions of an apparently insane Rosalie, they had both come to love Bella and were upset that she might have been wounded beyond repair. I prayed they were wrong. She was strong. Resilient. Tenacious of life. She would survive and live and try to be happy. That was who she was. I loved her the more for it. I knew from the beginning that she was not a woman to be trifled with, and that was something I greatly admired about her. I just prayed she would move on and be happy. All I ever wanted was her happiness.

I sighed in frustration. Ironic that the one person to teach me how to be unselfish and to love was the one person I couldn't have.

My musings were interrupted by a knock on the study door. "Enter."

"My Lord, I was wondering how long we might be staying. Cook needs to know for ordering food, and we will need to bring in some extra help from the village."

I just sat and stared straight ahead. Peters had traveled with us to London and then on with me here because I did not know the condition of the house or staff here at my remote estate Mumford House here in Suffolk.

"I'm really not sure. I have to return to London soon for the inquest. Mother and the girls are going to stay with Alice and Jasper. We only need some food for me and the staff. I might come back here from London. If this still is my home, that is. The place could use a good cleaning, Peters, so some local ladies as maids would not go remiss. Just take care of things, Peters. I have no desire to be bothered with trivial matters."

"Yes, my Lord. I'll take care of everything. I won't bother you unless necessary. Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to eat?"

"No. Nothing. I'm fine."

"My Lord, you need to eat. You haven't eaten in two days. Let me get cook to fix you at least a nice soup and some bread. Would you eat that if I brought it to you?"

I sighed. He was a good man, but I really wasn't hungry. But I also knew it he wouldn't leave me alone until I ate something.

"Fine. Some soup and bread for supper, and that's all."

"Very good, my Lord." Peters turned to go.

"Oh, and, Peters, make sure there is a generous supply of brandy and scotch."

He hesitated briefly and nodded. "Of course, my Lord." He turned and went out the door, shutting it, leaving me alone again in my exile.

x~x

I sat in the hard wooden chair, legs crossed and my hands in my lap. I was motionless. I simply awaited the outcome of this inquest being run by the coroner for the jury. The jury was of my peers and briefly skimmed across those indifferent faces. Mallen was there; he had been friends with my father. That was good. Two more were acquaintances from my debauchery days. That might help. Most were not very well known to me, but to my surprise, Bella's grandfather was among them. I had gotten quite a shock the first time I saw him, but he simply nodded at me and sat down. Well, that's better than I expected. But it was also torment. He being there constantly reminded me of Bella.

The doctor was dead, so there were only the servants, my mother, and myself to testify. Not much help in coming to a conclusion. I had protested vehemently against my mother being brought here, but she was called as a witness and witnesses must appear. My father's valet, some maids, Peters, a couple of footman, and then me and my mother. We all answered honestly, but I noticed the protectiveness of the staff. They refused to say one bad thing about my father. They insisted to a person that it was an accident. They even almost had me convinced. My mother was the defining voice, though. Her calm, clear answers and absolute insistence that it was an accident swayed many. But her meeting and holding each of the juror's eyes was what did the trick. I don't think one of them could look at my mother and take everything from her.

"Cullen, rise." The judge spoke, and my head shot up, rousing me from my musings. I quickly stood.

"We have heard all the witnesses, and the jury has come to a verdict. The Fifth Lord Cullen, Carlisle Masen, his death has been ruled an accident. The gun misfired as he was cleaning it, and that ended his life. This trial is over. Jury, you are dismissed and thank you. And you, too, Coroner. Good day. God save the King."

It was over. We were free. Never again would we be troubled by this. Mother and the girls would still be taken care of. I was still Viscount Cullen. I still had Ward Hall and my other estates. I almost sagged in relief, but I stood and kept my face a neutral mask. All this almost didn't matter except that my family was not destitute.

It was too late, though, I realized. All too late. Bella was lost to me now. I had wounded and embarrassed her so severely she'd probably never speak to me again. And I would completely understand that. I'd left her at the church on our wedding day for God's sake. How do you forgive someone for doing that and making you appear foolish? The answer: you don't.

So, I would spend the rest of my life alone at Ward Hall wishing for things that would never be. I closed my eyes for a moment and just let the pain and loneliness wash over me, and then I was back in control. Glastonburgh walked up to me.

"Cullen."

I bowed. "Your Grace."

"Let's talk, Cullen." I nodded and followed him out the door and down the hallway and into a quiet room where he shut the door.

"You hurt my granddaughter."

"I'm sorry, Your Grace. I was trying to do the right thing and not tie her to my family. I couldn't bring her down with us in our shame. I had no idea how this inquest would turn out."

"Forget my address. We're just two men here. You know, you could have still married her. I settled a large trust on her. Even if you lost everything, you still would have had her money. Why didn't you?"

"You think I would have lived off her money? Take something from her that was hers and hers alone? What kind of man do you think I am?"

"Apparently a much different one that I first believed. You know, when I first found out about Isabella, and then that she was living in your home, I nearly exploded in rage. I was just sure, given your reputation, that you had her there taking advantage of her. We got there as quick as possible and took her from you. But I saw what that did to her. She loved you. Being apart from you was hard on her. I knew when you came visiting that things were serious between you two. I wasn't going to make it easy on you if you came asking for her hand in marriage, though. Then Lady Ware visited me and told me about your father. I used that as an excuse, as a trial so to speak, to judge you and your character. To see if you truly were good enough for my granddaughter. And you know what I saw?"

I just shook my head.

"I saw a man completely in love with a woman. A man who would do anything to make her happy, a man who would do anything to win her, and that your family was a good family. You may have had problems in your past, but you had matured and left those behind. Even taking in your daughters to raise them was in your favor. So in the end, you won me over. Isabella loved you, and I felt you loved her. Even not marrying her when you had the chance is in your favor, but I have a question for you, Cullen. What now?"

"I'm sorry, what do you mean 'what now?'"

"What now? This is behind you. What are your intentions?"

Intentions? Toward Bella? He still thought I would pursue Bella after all this? She'd probably sooner shoot me as to look at me.

"Intentions?"

"Cullen, you're not a stupid man. Toward my granddaughter."

"I have no intentions toward her whatsoever. She probably hates me now, as she should. I left her at the church on her wedding day. Do you honestly think she would still have me after that? No, I told her I wasn't good enough for her. I also told her that she should stay away from me. I'm sure that is exactly what she will do. I will retire to my estate and try my best to live my life without her."

He slowly shook his head at me. "I took you for a lot of things, but the one thing I did not take you for was a coward."

I stood up straight and anger coursed through me. "_Coward_?"

"Yes. _Coward_. I ask you again, what are your intentions toward my granddaughter?"

I was quite angry now. "As I told you, I have none."

He shook his head at me as in disbelief. "Then you're a fool as well. Perhaps Black would still wish to wed her. I'm sure Isabella would be content with him. Anyway, good day, Cullen."

I briefly nodded at him through my anger, and he turned and left.

Black. Jacob Black. Yes, I sure he would still want to wed her. Would she have him? Curse Glastonburgh and his parting shots. How dare he? Coward. Fool. I didn't understand the whole point of that conversation. Was it just to insult me? If he was trying to anger and upset me, he did a thorough job of it. I walked over and kicked a chair. Like that helped. Now I just had an aching foot.

I was angry and tired of London. I didn't have time to dwell on what he said. I returned home, had the servants pack my things, and Peters, my valet Simms and I set off for Mumford House in a matter of hours. I was still not ready to go home to Ward Hall and its memories of Bella there. I just wanted to be alone and come to terms with losing Bella before I saw the girls.

That's not how things turned out. I only intended a short stay, but after the first month I found myself in deep depression. I began to drink. Heavily. The loss of Bella was sitting hard on me. She haunted my dreams. She haunted my waking hours. I still loved her. Wanted her. Needed her. My life felt empty and meaningless without her in it. Like all the joy and light and laughter had been just been stolen from my life.

I took long rides around the estate to try to forget. It didn't help. I tried long, tiring walks, but being outdoors just reminded me how much Bella loved the outdoors and taking long walks. I began to curse the landscape for simply being there.

I tried reading, but remembered how much Bella loved reading and the lively discussions we would have about books.

What if I went to her? I wondered. Would she refuse to see me? Curse me? Yell at me? Ignore me? I couldn't live with any of those possibilities, so seeing her was out of the question.

After another month, I started to no longer care. I didn't care if I ate. I didn't care if I slept. I no longer dressed for dinner. I simply sat and stared and drank. I didn't care about anything. Peters and Simms, I know were worried about me. I didn't care about that either. Darkness had taken me over, and I could not find my way back out of it. I had lost my light.

x~x

I was in the library dissolutely looking at the truly abysmal book collection, scotch in hand when Peters announced that I had a visitor. A visitor? Who even knew I was here beyond family?

And as if on cue, in walked Jasper. Damn. I did not need this.

He stood there and looked me over and then shook his head. "Pitiful."

"What are you doing here?" I asked in a voice that indicated that I did not care.

"Alice and your mother are worried about you. I came to see how you were. The answer is not pretty."

"Jasper, go to hell. I didn't invite you here. You can leave now." I took a large swig of scotch.

"Oh, I'm not staying long. I have other business to attend to. But I will stay for dinner, and we will have a talk."

"I have nothing to say to you or indeed to anyone."

"Well, that's good because I actually came to talk and to have you listen. But first, could I freshen up a bit? It's been a long ride. And perhaps a bath and change of clothes would not be remiss for you as well," he said eying me in distaste.

I shot him a look that would cause a lesser man to blanch. But Jasper was a military man and was not intimidated easily. That bastard. What was he doing here? Bothering me. Annoying me. Talking to me. I wanted him to go away. Now. I knew that was not happening until he said his piece, so I frowned and just held his eyes for a moment and then stood and walked over and yanked the bell pull.

Peters entered almost immediately. "Yes, my Lord?"

"Please, ready Colonel Whitlock a room and have a bath readied for him…and one for me as well. And please, tell cook we'll have an extra for supper."

"Very good, my Lord." He left to do as I asked.

"Happy now?" I asked Jasper sarcastically.

"Well, no. But I think things will certainly be better in the near future." He did this little smirk thing that made me think he was up to something.

I narrowed my eyes at him then shrugged. Did it really matter? Did anything?

We went upstairs to our rooms, and I took a bath, and Simms dressed me for dinner for the first time in a long time. It felt almost strange to put on the embroidered waistcoat, cravat, and tail coat. I realized how informal my dress had become lately. Slovenly almost. No wonder I often caught Simms wringing his hands and frowning.

I descended the stairs and went into the sitting room to find Jasper already there. I poured a scotch and offered him one.

"No, thanks. I'm not in the mood to drink." I looked at him and raised an eyebrow at this. When had Jasper ever turned down a drink? Never, in my long acquaintance of him.

We went into eat, then we skipped our port and found ourselves in my study afterwards. I started drinking scotch again and was starting to really feel its effects.

"You're drinking too much."

"I don't really think that's any of your business."

"Maybe not, but still, you're going to kill yourself if you keep drinking that much every day."

"I think that's the point, Jasper."

"Damn it, Edward! Snap out of it! You can't spend the rest of your pitiful life holed up here brooding and drinking yourself to death."

"Can't I?" I raised my glass and drained it.

"Miss Swan came to visit us."

The glass fell from my hand and shattered on the floor.

"She was making sure the girls were all right. They were very happy to see her."

I just looked straight ahead and nodded. Of course, my angel Bella would want to check on the welfare of the girls. She was good and kind and loving.

"She was in a very good mood. Said she hoped to take a husband soon. That's good news, Edward, yes?"

I didn't move a muscle. So. She planned to wed. I had told her to find herself someone else. That was fast, though. She sure didn't waste any time moving on from me. I assumed she was going to marry Jacob Black, that bastard.

"She said this man was a little dim, a bit daft even, and a lot stubborn, but he was a good man and would make her happy."

"He sounds like an ass," I spat out in jealousy.

"Oh, believe me, he is. But he's who she wants, and she is a woman determined to have what she wants. I would think you would want Miss Swan to be happy, yes?"

I nodded curtly.

"Well, then, this is very good news. You know, I really need to be going, Edward. I'll tell Alice and Mother and the girls you're doing fine and will be home soon. In other words, I'll lie for you. Take care and try not to drown yourself in drink."

I was startled. "Wait, you're leaving? Now?"

"I did what I came here to do, and I'm done. I couldn't sleep here. This place is like a tomb. Well, actually a cold, lifeless tomb would be a step up from here."

He walked over and shook my hand. "See you soon, Edward. I hope."

"Yes…see you…soon, Jasper." I looked at him in confusion. This whole thing was bewildering, and I was just a little drunk.

He nodded and turned and left.

I sat back, loosened my cravat, propped my boots up on a stool, and began to really tuck into my scotch. The news of Bella getting married had taken me completely by surprise, and I just couldn't deal with that pain right now. Getting totally drunk seemed the wisest course of action.

After a while, I somehow made it upstairs, scotch decanter in hand, and managed to get mostly undressed. I became tired and plopped down in the huge ugly red padded chair in my bedroom and started drinking again.

_Bella_, my mind kept repeating. I sunk into a depression, realizing I had really lost her. It was over. There was no hope now. I couldn't care less if I never moved from this chair again and simply died. I raised the glass and drained it thinking if I drank enough it might dull the pain.

I poured another drink and drifted off in memories. It was all I had left to me now.

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**Next chapter, Bella is back…and quite determined to have her way. **

**Review me please lovelies.**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	23. Persuasion

**I believe this is one of the chapters you've been waiting for. Hope you like it.**

**Thanks and love you bunches my best ever beta Rhi.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I do not.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 22: Persuasion**

I pounded the door knocker and awaited the butler. I hoped it was Peters. He knew me. What a long carriage ride that had been. Jasper and Alice and I had stopped at the local inn, and they were staying there, but I hoped this would be where I was tonight. Jasper had warned me he was not in a good way. I was prepared.

The door opened, Peters looked at me, and didn't even blink. "It's about time you got here, Miss."

"Stubborn fool," I said as I stepped in the door and handed him my bag. "How is he?"

"Not good, Miss. He hardly eats. Hardly sleeps. He broods and drinks. Too much."

I nodded. "Where is he?"

"In his room, Miss. Second floor, third door on the left."

"Thank you, Peters. Please make sure we aren't disturbed." I just held his eyes.

"Yes, Miss. Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"No, but I know I wish to be Edward's wife, so wish me luck, Peters. Oh, and there may be…company in the morning."

"I see. Good luck, Miss."

I nodded, then turned and squared my shoulders, and with purpose, marched up the stairs. I was thinking about what I would say. What I would do. I took a deep breath. I could do this. Mine and Edward's future together hinged on me forcing his hand. All right, then.

I stood in the hallway at the top of the great staircase.

My decision had been a long time coming. I loved that flawed, broken, sad, beautiful man. He was the other half of my soul. I would literally walk through fire for him. He had pushed me away, begged me to go. He had said he wasn't good enough for me.

Well then, I would good enough for both of us.

I walked with purpose down the carpeted hallway. The swish of my skirts and my cloak against my legs were reminders of my carriage trip to get here to him. I wasted no time in even taking off my hat or cloak or gloves. I was too high strung. Too much had happened between Edward and I. Too much needed to happen. Too much needed to be said.

I grasped the handle to his door and turned. The scene that greeted me did not surprise me nor encourage me, and it did not change my resolve.

I stepped into his large master bedroom, closing the door and quietly locking it behind me. Neither one of us were leaving this room until this was settled. I then took notice of the room.

He had undressed carelessly. His Hessians pulled off and lying on the floor. His tailcoat, waistcoat, and cravat thrown towards the bed, but missed and lay on the floor beside it. His shirt was untucked over his pantaloons and unbuttoned most of the way.

There he was. My beautiful, flawed, foolish man. He was slouched in a great wooden chair with a burgundy cushion. His legs were spread, feet bare, and his arms hanging down from the chair arms with his sleeves carelessly rolled up. His left hand, I noticed, held a glass of scotch. The mostly empty decanter was sitting on floor beside the chair. I frowned at that. His head was down, staring at the floor, and as usual, his glorious bronze hair was a mess.

I wondered why he did not look up when I walked in. He must have thought me his valet, Simms.

I walked up until I was almost standing between his knees.

Finally realizing it was _not_ Simms, Edward's brow furrowed, and he looked up. His expression was of a man who had gambled and lost everything. His eyes looked at me, but seemed to look through me as if not seeing me, as if I were a ghost.

He thought he was too late, that he had lost me, and he had forgone all hope.

This was not going to be easy, I thought.

"Edward."

He looked at me as if not able to quite figure out what I was. Then he shook his head and frowned. "Angel. Is it not enough you torment my dreams when I sleep, now you torment my waking hours as well?"

I took off my hat and threw it on his dresser and then my gloves. "Edward, don't be daft. I'm here."

I began unbuttoning my cloak. He watched all this puzzled. I could see he was more than a little drunk. Shame that, but this actually may have been harder were he sober. This may actually work to my benefit.

I slipped off my cloak and tossed it over a chair.

He just watched all my movements as if mesmerized. Then he looked down at his glass of scotch and held the glass up and swished the amber liquid around. "This is damned good stuff. I'll have to remember to thank Peters for it. It's giving me the best damn vision ever."

"Edward, you drink too much. That will have to stop. I will not tolerate a drunkard for a husband."

"She speaks and chastises me just like my Bella." He looked at me in awe.

I sighed. I had never had to deal with a person this far gone in their cups before. But I knew one thing, I had to get Edward to bed me, or this whole plan would never work. I needed his attention and for him to realize this wasn't a dream. Well, maybe the dream part would work in my favor, I thought.

He went to take another drink of scotch, and I reached out and knocked the glass from his hand. He just looked at his hand for a moment in surprise and then at the floor where the glass had landed and broken. "Damn. Made a mess. Simms will not be happy with me." He shrugged and reached for the decanter on the floor, and I kicked it out of his way.

"No more scotch. I believe you've had more than enough."

"Angel, you keep talking to me. Wish you were real. You look and sound just like my Bella. But I lost her. Made an ass of myself and left her standing alone at the church on our wedding day. I'm a bastard. Jasper said she is going to marry Jacob Black. I believe I may hate him."

"What if she was? What would you do about it?"

"Do about it? Nothing. I'm sure I broke her heart. She must hate me now. Even though it hurts so much I want to die, it's good she's moved on. I was never good enough for her to begin with. But I miss her…desperately. She took all the light with her."

I felt my heart almost break in half, and then anger came. Stupid man. How dare he leave us both in this torment! Why didn't he come for me?

"Well, you did leave her. And she was devastated. But she also is strong. Stronger than you know. And she knows what she wants. Hate you? She could never hate you. And you're a fool to think she could move on so easily. She's not a woman to give her heart lightly. You are hers, and she plans to have you for a husband. As for being good enough, for now, she will be good enough for both of them. And maybe someday you will see your true worth."

"My imagination knows no bounds this eve. You, my angel, are saying all the things I wish were true. Keep talking. At least it helps me remember her."

I shook my head. How do I proceed when he believes me a dream or figment of his imagination?

Oh, well, there's this, I thought. It's what I came to do. I started unbuttoning my dress. He watched this fascinated. I got it undone and let it slide down me to the floor. Next, I bent down and pulled off my shoes.

"Best bloody dream ever," Edward said slightly breathless.

I rolled my eyes. I propped my right foot on a chair and slowly rolled my stocking down. I glanced at Edward, to see he was looking at my leg raptly. I did the same with the left one and reached up and untied my pantalettes and let them fall to the floor. I stepped out of them and was now only in my shift.

I had no idea how to seduce a man, but I knew if we were both naked it couldn't be that hard to figure out. Nakedness and kissing seemed to me the wisest place to start.

I walked over and stood between his knees. He just looked up at me with that intense stare of his. I reached down and took his hand and placed it on my thigh. He looked at his hand on my thigh and then up to my face.

"Bella?"

"Edward."

He skimmed his hand up my thigh to my hip and pulled me closer. "You feel so real."

"I am real. Touch me. Make love to me, Edward. Make me yours."

I took his hand and pulled him up out of the chair. He was looking at me confused, but willingly followed me to the bed. I had him stand beside the bed, and I began to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way. I pushed it open and slid it down his arms and off to the floor. I just looked at his chest. I had been dying of curiosity to see him for months.

He was beautiful. All hardness, his muscles lightly covered in hair. I was fascinated. I ran my hand across his chest and felt his slight shudder. Interesting. But I also was concerned that he was so thin. Peters had said he wasn't eating. I would fix that. And the drinking was going to stop.

With shaking hands, I reached down and unfastened his pantaloons and started to push them down. My curiosity was almost overwhelming now. I knew men had different parts down there, but I had never seen one. This one of his seemed rather big and was already firm. I took a deep breath and shoved the material down and gasped. Oh my. It was so different, but interesting. And like the rest of Edward, lovely. I hurriedly pushed his pantaloons off and ran my finger along that long length. It jerked in response, and Edward gasped. Fascinating. I looked at Edward's face, and he still looked a little bewildered, but another look was there as well. One I had seen before. Desire. His eyes were hot on mine and his breathing rapid. I pushed the straps to my shift down my arms, and it fell to the floor.

What do I do now? Edward was just standing there, but he was eating me up with his eyes. Bed. We should be in bed. I pushed the covers down and looked at Edward.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Is this real, Bella? Because if it's just a dream, please do not wake me."

"Then you keep dreaming, love. Kiss me."

He raised a hand and skimmed his fingertips up my arm. His eyes followed his fingers on my skin.

Quietly, he said, "Take your hair down for me."

I quickly pulled the pins out and tossed them across the floor. I shook my head, and my hair fell around my shoulders and down my back almost to my bottom.

I heard his soft gasp. He reached a hand up and gently cupped my neck, his thumb on my jaw. He pulled me to him and placed his lips to mine. I sighed in contentment. I was home.

He deeply kissed me, ran his tongue along my lips and then into my mouth to caress mine. His hands skimmed up my body and cupped my breasts, and I moaned into his mouth. He swayed a little, and I remembered he was more than a little drunk, so I pushed him over onto the bed and crawled in beside him.

He just looked at me for a moment and then leaned down and skimmed his nose along my jaw and then placed soft kisses on my neck. I wasn't sure what to do. How to help, but touching him seemed the most logical move. I ran my hand along the muscles of his arm and lightly ran my fingernails down his back. He moaned and said my name. Well, if all I had to do was keep touching him, I was more than happy to proceed.

He pushed me onto my back and kissed down to my breasts. His tongue swirled on my peak, and I arched in pure pleasure. He sucked, and it seemed directly connected to that place between my legs. I made a soft sound of pleasure, and he raised his head and gave me a knowing, wicked look. He continued on to my other breast, and I began to feel flushed and wanted Edward to touch me down there like he had before. That had felt amazing.

As if reading my mind, he started to kiss down my stomach and then up and down each thigh. He parted my legs, and his fingers were there, gently rubbing and making circles. I cried out, and he slid a finger inside of me. I almost couldn't breathe from the pleasure I was feeling. He pulled his finger out and put it in his mouth and sucked it. He closed his eyes as if he had just tasted the best thing ever. I still couldn't believe he liked that. Well, he more than liked it.

I wondered if it was done for my mouth to be on him. I really did have much to learn. Next thing I knew his mouth was down there and licking and sucking me, and I felt two fingers inside me, stretching me. It was too much, the pleasure overtook me, and I fell apart gasping his name.

He kissed his way back up to my mouth and cupped my face with his hands. I looked into his beautiful green eyes and gently touched his face. "I love you, Edward. Make me yours."

He gave me a look of such longing and love that my heart hurt in my chest.

"I love you, Bella. There is no me without you."

He kissed me, and I felt his hardness at my entrance. I knew this would probably hurt, but I tried to relax and let him lead me. I knew he'd had too much to drink, but Edward would never willingly hurt me. He started to slowly slide in and groaned into my mouth.

"Do it quickly, love."

He nodded and thrust once forcefully, and I cried out. I couldn't help it. It stung. He stopped and looked at me, regret on his face.

"I'm so sorry, darling. It only hurts once. Next time, I promise there'll be pleasure, my love."

He kissed my face and then my mouth and held still, giving me time to get used to him being inside me. He then began to slowly move in and out, and something changed. It felt good. Ah, this is what I had been missing. This is what I had been longing for. The completion and connection of our bodies along with our hearts. I wrapped my arms around him tightly and held him to me. With one last thrust, he gasped out my name and held me tight to him.

He rolled us over and pulled the covers up and promptly fell asleep. Well, isn't that just like a man, I thought. At least that was done. No turning back now. I lay down and thought about the morning. There would be hell to pay.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Edward pulled me over him and made love to me all over again. His hands were a gentle thorough caress over my body. I went exploring a bit on him. I was beginning to learn his beautiful body and loved kissing and touching him. This time when he entered me, it was all pleasure. And a bit shocking. You could make love with the woman on top? It seems I had much to learn. But I did enjoy that very much. I felt in charge and in control. And truth be told, I liked being in charge.

I'm thinking that once I learned all there is to learn about relations between men and women that I would very much like to run this part of our marriage. Did women run things in the bedroom? I wondered. Well, this one would, I thought. I kissed Edward's shoulder and sighed in contentment. I had a passionate nature and always knew the marriage bed would suit me. Edward had seemed more than pleased to have found that out.

I thought about all I had planned. I hoped it all turned out the way I meant it to go. If Amy had done her part, the morning was going to prove to be very interesting indeed. I fell asleep wrapped in Edward's strong arms and tried not to think about the morning and his sure to be angry reaction.

* * *

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**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	24. Consequences

**I believe this is the other chapter you've been waiting for. Hope you enjoy it. It has been my favorite chapter ever to write.**

**Thanks to my lovely, sweet beta Rhi. **

**I do not own Twilight or its characters. Those belong solely to Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 23: Consequences**

I slowly opened my eyes. My head was pounding. Damn. How much did I have to drink last night? Somewhere far off I could hear thumps…knocks…something. What the hell was that? Was someone hammering?

I put my hand on my forehead and rubbed. This hangover was going to be a bad one. I could see sunlight streaming in the window and it hurt my eyes. Forget this. I'm just going to go back to sleep and try this again later, I thought.

I rolled over and flung my right arm out…and met another body in my bed. I just lay very still, then slowly lifted my aching head. I saw what was most definitely the form of a woman lying on her stomach, her head turned away from me. She had very long chestnut hair like Bella.

_Bella. Dear God_. _What had I done_? Who _was_ this woman?

I vaguely remembered erotic dreams; my angel was in them. Fleeting images of Bella and I making love. Her beautiful body over mine. Maybe all of those weren't dreams. I was naked and so this woman appeared to be, too. Who was she? I was afraid to look. I hadn't bedded a woman in a very long time. Not since I moved into Ward Hall with the girls. The only woman I wanted was Bella. Did I bed a chambermaid? I was afraid to answer that question.

With a trembling hand, I reached over and pulled the sheet part way down her back…and stopped. I knew that back. I knew every freckle on that back.

I realized several things all at once. I knew exactly who this was. All of those images from my dreams last night were real. I knew they were. She was here, naked in my bed, and I glanced down and noticed a spot of blood on the sheets. And I took her virginity. _Dear God_. What have I done? Why was she here? What was going on?

She began to stir and stretched a bit and then rolled over. Very startled velvety brown eyes met mine.

"Bella."

She gave me a wary look. "Edward. Good morning."

"Bella, what the hell is going on? What are you doing here? In my bed. Did we-"

"Yes," she said, cutting me off. "A couple of times actually. The second time was lovely."

What? I made love to Bella twice and don't remember it at all? Bloody hell. _I'd made love to Bella_. The enormity of all this was beginning to set in.

"Bella, I don't know what the _hell_ is going on. Why are you here?"

"I explained all that last night, but you were too drunk to understand. So I seduced you."

"You…seduced me." I felt slow and dumb and sluggish. I couldn't understand this.

"Well, yes. I was desperate."

"You were desperate."

"Edward, are you all right? That hangover must be a bad one. You're acting a bit daft."

"I…don't understand."

"Well, let me explain it to you. I got tired of waiting for you to come to me, so I took matters into my own hands and came to you."

"You came to me. For?"

"Edward. Perhaps you should go back to sleep for a bit. You're not quite coherent."

"But why are you here? I thought Jasper said you were getting married."

"I am."

"Then why are you here?"

"Edward, I feel like we're talking in circles. I'm here with _you_. I just spent the night in _your_ bed. We made love. Who do you _think_ I planned to wed?"

My fuzzy brain was slowly putting the pieces together. "You came with Jasper."

"And Alice."

"You had a plan."

"Yes."

"And what exactly, Bella, did you wish to accomplish with this plan?"

"To force you to marry me."

"Force me to marry you?"

"Yes. I even made sure it was going to happen. Some assurance if you will. You know, I'm surprised you're not yelling at me. I thought you would be angry with me."

"Oh, I'm angry, all right. Why? I told you stay away. I told you our engagement and wedding were off. You surely hate me. Why did you do this? To punish me for my treatment of you? And we, we…my God, Bella. _I took your virginity_."

She shot me a hard look. Then she got up and sat back on her knees, the sheet wrapped around her breasts. Her beautiful hair flowed over her shoulders, and she looked magnificent. I sat up as well, draped the sheet over my lap, just staring at her, drinking her up with my eyes.

"You listen to me, Edward Masen, and listen well. Yes, you hurt me. Yes, I was angry with you. But after that I was just determined. I now have a few things to say to you, and you will listen."

She almost glowed with her anger. She looked like an avenging angel. I could only stare at her in wonder.

She raised a hand and poked me hard with her finger with each sentence.

"How _dare_ you not trust me? How _dare_ you leave me at the church on our wedding day? How _dare_ you leave London and not tell me where you were? How _dare_ you not realize how I could never choose another over you? How _dare_ you think I could even contemplate marrying another? How _dare_ you not come to me? Didn't you realize I wanted you to and that I was waiting for you?" She nearly vibrated with her emotions. I was enthralled watching her.

And then her face got soft, and she reached out as a soft caress, ran her fingers through my hair, and gently skimmed them down my face. I felt myself almost melt from her touch. She spoke tenderly now. "And lastly, how dare you even think I could hate you and want to punish you? I love you. More than my own life. So you're going to marry me, my love. Today."

I realized what a complete ass I had been. I had underestimated her. I was always doing that. Well, never again. We'd been apart all this time when we could have been together. I had much to atone for. But she was here. That spoke volumes.

Did I deserve this woman? Would I ever as long as I lived?

I tried to sort through what she'd said. It was a lot, but the only part that really mattered was that she still loved me. _She loved me_.

Something was cracking open in me. I could feel something starting to flow through me. It was joy. Great joy. Immense, overwhelming joy.

In a move so fast it startled her; I scooped her up in my arms and kissed her.

"Bella, Bella, Bella, I'm so sorry, my darling! All this time we could've been together. What a fool I've been! I pray you forgive me. I love you, Bella. My angel. My light. My joy. You're my everything. Yes, marry me, my love."

She laughed, and it sounded like music to my ears. Bella was here! She loved me still. We were going to wed. I leaned down, and smiling, kissed her lips again. She put her hand on the back of my head and stroked my hair.

"I forgive you. I love you. You know, you're one stubborn man. I believe, love, that you have met your match in me, though. As much as I am yours, you are mine. I keep what is mine. So, of course, I came for you. And I believe I said we were going to wed today. So really, I asked you. How's that for being forward? Look at me. I've seduced you and told you that you were marrying me all in the matter of a day. What do you think of this brazen Bella?" she asked with a grin.

I skimmed my hand up her body and kissed her lips. "I think, my darling, that I love this brazen woman in my arms. That I need a woman like you to keep me on the straight and narrow path." I cupped her breast and kissed my way down her long pale neck. "And that I would very much like to make love to this woman right now."

I didn't really remember the other two times, and that was something I will always regret. But we could make new memories. I gently laid her down onto her back, and she gave me a wicked grin and stroked her hands down my back. That was most definitely a yes. I placed my lips on her collarbone and began to kiss across it.

Just then, the bedroom door slammed open against the wall. Bella and I both turned and saw her grandparents standing there with looks of anger on their faces.

"Cullen. You've got until this afternoon and then there _will be_ a wedding here. Understood?"

I nodded.

"Good. Isabella. Get dressed. We need to talk."

They went out and shut the door. I looked at Bella and smirked. "You were making damn sure this happened, weren't you?"

"I was determined to be your wife. I will be your wife. Today."

I looked at her and realized how determined and earnest she was. I liked that. No, I _loved_ that. She was exactly the perfect woman for me. I found her being a tenacious woman to be incredibly…erotic. My body agreed. I started kissing her neck and nuzzling her chest on my way down to her breasts.

"Edward. I have to go. They're waiting for me."

"They can wait," I said and sucked on her nipple.

"Ahhh, Edward, is this the time for this?"

"Yes."

I covered her mouth and silenced her with a thorough kiss as my hand skimmed down to her soft folds between her legs and began to gently rub her. She squirmed underneath me and moaned in my mouth.

Yes, most certainly time for this.

I worked her with my fingers until I feel her trembling. I then spread her legs and slowly entered her. Dear God in Heaven. She felt so good. I had been waiting for this forever. I made love to her gently and slowly, touching her everywhere. I loved her gloriously flawless skin and would never get enough. I took her breast in my mouth again, gently swirling my tongue on the rosy peak and then rubbed her secret little nub until she fell apart. I held her tight through her release and then moved in her swiftly until I found my own.

I held her close to me and kissed her forehead. I began skimming her face with my nose and placing soft kisses here and there on her face. Against her lips I said, "Bella, I love you, my angel."

She touched my face gently and looked at me with such affection that my heart clinched.

"Edward. I love you. I've missed you so much. Never _ever_ do that to me again."

I kissed her softly. "We'll never be apart again. I promise."

x~x

We stood in the front parlor, and I held her hands in mine. I spoke my wedding vows clearly and with much joy as did Bella. And then it was done. She was my wife. I couldn't believe how much my life had changed in just one day. Bella had come for me, dragged me out of brooding self and berated me, chastised me, and forgave me. And she seduced me, the minx. I would be forever grateful to her. She had saved me. She had saved us. Thank God. I gave her an enormous smile and pulled her to me for a kiss.

"I love you….wife of mine."

"I love you more…husband," she said and gripped my forearms tightly with a wicked grin.

I grinned and shook my head. "Impossible."

Then we were greeted by her grandparents, and Alice and Jasper, who apparently were staying at the local inn, and Peters, Simms, Bella's maid, Amy, who had arrived with her grandparents, and the rest of the servants.

Cook had prepared a small banquet for us all in celebration, and I ate with a hardy appetite for the first time in months. And I had nothing but wine to drink. For now on, I would be moderate in my drinking. I had a wife and children to take care of. And possibly more children in the near future. I looked at Bella beside me and took her in. That hair, that face, those eyes. I prayed someday to have a little girl that looked just like her mother. She would be perfect…just like her mother. Bella turned and noticed my regard of her.

"What is it, love?"

"I was just thinking about our future. Happy thoughts, my angel."

She smiled. "Indeed. After a short stay here for a sort of honeymoon, can we go collect the girls and go home?"

Home. Ward Hall. With Bella and the girls. Yes. This was what I most wanted as well.

"Certainly, my love. I miss the girls, and I know they're missing me…and you. Thank you for visiting them. I'm sure you made them very happy. They'll be ecstatic to know you're now their mother."

"Of course I visited them. I love them and can't wait to see them again, and see the joy on their faces when we tell them we are wed. I love your whole family. Will your mother come back with us? I'd like to have her live with us."

"I'm not sure. She's the Dowager Lady Cullen now, and there is the dowager house on the estate she could live in if she doesn't wish to live with us in the Hall."

"Oh, that's right. I'm Lady Cullen now."

"Indeed you are. You must be addressed now as my Lady. But you know, you'll always be and always have been _my _lady."

"Yes, and you are _my_ Edward. Forever."

I nodded. "Forever."

x~x

Bella went off to bathe and get ready for bed in the adjoining room to my master bedroom. Simms got my bath ready and laid out a robe for me. When I was finished, I dried off and only put on the robe and sat while the servants cleared out the bath. They had brought some wine and glasses and some delicacies for us to eat.

Simms looked around to see if the room was tidy and nodded at me. "Good evening, my Lord. And congratulations."

"Thank you, Simms. I'm a very lucky man. Goodnight. Please make sure no one disturbs us in the morning."

"Certainly, my Lord." He almost smiled. I had never, ever seen Simms so much as grin, so that was shocking.

He turned and went out, firmly closing the door. I went over and locked it. A brief knock on the adjoining door made me turn my head, and Bella stepped into the room.

Words were beyond me. She stood there in a pale pink filmy gown and wrapper with laced edges. The material was so fine that I could see through it and see her body. She truly had a beautiful body. Petite, yet curvy and not rail thin. Her chestnut hair fell about her shoulders in waves like chocolate silk. She was, in a word, exquisite.

I walked up to her, and with trembling hands, skimmed them through her hair. "So beautiful, Bella." I slid my hands up to cup her face in my hands and lightly kissed her.

"Sweetheart, I've been wondering and worrying that I hurt you last night. Did I…hurt you the first time?" I asked in trepidation.

"Edward, you were very gentle and considerate of me. Yes, it did sting and hurt a bit at first, but after that I enjoyed it."

"Are you sore tonight? We can wait." Everything was up to her and would be for now on.

She looked me over and her tongue came out and wet her lips. My body reacted immediately to seeing that. She stepped up to me and untied my robe and pushed it down my arms so it fell to the floor. She skimmed her eyes down my body and looked back up at me through her lashes.

"I'm fine. A little sore, but this is our wedding night, and I fully intend for us to consummate it. And, Edward, I want you to teach me. I want to know everything that goes on between men and women in bed. I want to know all ways this is done and how I can pleasure you. I promise you, I'm a very willing student and a quick learner."

I just stood dumbfounded for a moment. She…she wanted to learn everything? She wanted to pleasure me as well? I realized with blinding clarity that I had just wed the most perfect woman on earth.

"Anything you want to know, Bella. I will tell you…show you. But really, whatever two people in love feel is right between them and brings their partner pleasure is acceptable."

"Oh. So it's done for me to put my mouth on your body? Even on this?" she asked and touched my already very hard shaft. It leapt in her hand, and I gasped and nodded.

She gave me a mischievous look and wrapped her hand around me. She stepped up close to my body and whispered in my ear, "Like that, do we, my husband?"

I nodded, and my thighs began to shake as she stroked me. This woman was a seductress. I was totally and completely under her spell.

"Undress for me, my love," I demanded huskily.

"I will...eventually. First, I want you to lie down on the bed and let me explore a bit."

Dear God. "Bella, I…won't last long with you touching me."

"Well, we have all night, and you've proven that you're more than capable of making love more than once, so I'm thinking I'm all right with that."

She took my hand and led me over to the bed. "Lie down, please."

I did as she said. "Are you sure this is what you want to do right now?"

"Oh, yes. You've had your fun with my body for some time now. I've been waiting over half a year to touch you, and I'm going to do so now and then you can take over."

She slipped off her robe, but maddeningly left on her gown. She crawled into bed beside me and trailed her fingers down my chest. I closed my eyes as her hands traveled over my body. My chest, my arms, my stomach, down my legs. She seemed to especially be fascinated with my thighs. Her hands slid back up my stomach, and her lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around her and eagerly kissed her back. She then kissed my jaw, down my neck and to my chest. I'd had enough. I was about to lose my mind.

I quickly flipped us over, and now I was nestled between her legs, and my weight was resting on my arms. I leaned down to kiss her lips that had formed a small "O" of surprise.

"Darling, that's enough. It's my turn."

"But…"

"My. Turn."

I kissed her, forcing her mouth open and loved her tongue with mine. She gripped my arms hard and dug in her nails, whimpering through the kiss. My mind began to fog over in almost overwhelming lust, and I ripped my lips from hers and lavished warm, wet kisses over her throat, across her shoulders, and down her chest.

This gown. It had to go. I had her sit up and quickly had it off her.

My hands skimmed down her arms, back up her stomach, and cupped her perfect breasts. I teased her nipples, rolling them in my fingers, and she made those adorable mewing noises. I leaned down and gently pulled her nipple with my teeth, and she arched up off the bed with gasp. I quickly licked and sucked it, and her fingers were in my hair holding my face tight to her. Her other breast got the same attention, and now she was panting and saying my name. I loved bringing her pleasure. I loved her so much. I lovingly kissed her belly and down to the wondrous place between her legs. I parted them and licked and nibbled up and down her long creamy thighs.

I then stopped and just inhaled her heady Bella scent. My woman. I ran my tongue along her soft folds and groaned in pleasure. Ambrosia on my tongue. I gently loved her with my mouth and my fingers until she yelled out my name and half sat up and grabbed my hair in her hands. I grinned against her skin. Her release was beautiful to me. She slumped back onto the bed and I slid up beside her.

I pulled her against me and kissed her while pulling her leg over my hip, bending her knee up my side. One forceful thrust, and I was deep inside her. She cried out and gripped my back, curling her fingers into my skin. She fit me tight like a glove, and I almost couldn't stand the torture. I slowly moved within her all the while grazing my fingers across her skin with one hand and cupping her face and holding it to mine with the other. After a while our movement and touches became more frantic, and I rolled her over onto her back and bent her knees up against my chest so I could thrust deeper. She gripped the sheets hard in her fists and arched her body up to meet mine. God, she was so passionate and uninhibited in her pleasure. I caressed her between her legs until I could feel her begin to release, and then I grabbed her hips in my hands and held her tightly, slightly elevated as I thrust quickly into her. She fell apart around me, and the muscles inside of her clinching me pulled me into my own release. I just held her against me for a moment in absolute bliss of my orgasm, then gently pulled out of her and laid her down on the bed. I slid up beside her and pulled her tight to me.

"I love you."

"That was extraordinary, my love. I love you, too."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" I prayed I hadn't. I kind of got lost somewhere in the end in my rapture of being inside of her.

"No. I…enjoyed that. Very much so. Can we do that again?"

"Bloody hell, woman. Give me some time to recover, you greedy minx," I said with a laugh.

"Well, then you'll just have to ply me with wine and delicacies and bad poetry until then," she said with a little giggle.

I shook my head and smiled at this little fireball in my arms. "You're incorrigible. What am I ever going to do with you?"

She sighed. "Oh, I'm sure you can think of several things. If not, then I'm sure I can."

I laughed. She was an amazing woman. Being with her was always stimulating and pure joy. One thing I knew for sure was that this woman would never, ever bore me, and she might make me work a bit to keep her attention and affections. I truly looked forward to a lifetime of chase.

* * *

**Well, hope you enjoyed that chickadees. And here it is; we're almost at the end. One more chapter, an Emmett outtake, and the epilogue. **

**Leave me some review love pretty please? **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	25. Home

**Thank you Rhi for being such a great beta. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 24: Home**

I opened my eyes and stretched. I realized that Edward was not wrapped around me like usual. Even after two months of marriage, he still held onto me as if I was going to disappear. I turned my head to the left to find him gazing at me with his head propped up on hand.

I smiled. "Good morning, husband."

He gave me a gentle smile. "Good morning, wife. I just love watching you sleep. I can't get over the miracle of you being my wife and here in my bed. I'm afraid to look away from you for the fear that all this might not be real, and you're just a dream."

I quickly rolled over and hugged him tight. "I'm here, love. I'm real. And I love you."

"_Bella_." He hugged me tight to him and kissed the top of my head. "God, Bella. Sometimes my love for you just overwhelms me, and I can't hardly contain myself. You, you're my everything. I love you so much, my angel."

"Edward, I…"

My stomach lurched. I turned away from him and ran to the chamber pot and was violently sick. Edward came over and held my hair. When I was done, he bathed my face with a cloth and held me.

"Darling, are you sick? Should I send for a doctor?" He was almost desperate in his concern.

"No. I don't think I need a doctor."

"Then what's wrong? Did you eat something bad last night?" His face was a mask of concern.

I grinned. Well, this morning sickness pretty much confirmed what I already knew. I was carrying Edward's child. I was two months late for my courses, and my body had begun to change.

"No, my love. But maybe, perhaps we'd best refurbish the nursery."

"Refurbish the nursery? Why would we need to…?"

Realization dawned on him. I saw several emotions flicker across his face. Shock, surprise, hope, and finally joy accompanied with a smile so bright it rivaled the sun.

He gripped my shoulders and said excitedly, "A baby? You are going to have my baby?"

I laughed with a smile and nodded.

"A baby!" He scooped me up and swung me around.

"Edward, put me down. I'm going to be sick again if you don't."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, angel. I was just so excited." He cupped my face and looked at me with almost tears in his eyes. "_A_ _baby_."

"_Our baby_. Let's get dressed and tell the girls," I said happily.

"Yes. Let's. I love you, Bella."

x~x

Our lives quickly fell into a comfortable routine. Me, Edward, and the girls enjoyed breakfast together. I took care of some household duties while Edward did estate business. Then I taught the girls until lunch time and then we all would go for rides, or walks or just sit together in the garden, weather permitting, or the green parlor or library on dreary days. The evenings were for Edward and me. And the nights, well, those were beyond description. Edward had been very thorough in my education concerning the marriage bed. To say I enjoyed our intimate times would be an understatement.

My pregnancy was a smooth one. Other than the morning sickness, I had no problems. I was five months along, and we were all excited about the upcoming addition to our family. The girls kept themselves amused coming up with a name for their new sibling. I was just sure it was another girl. I didn't know why, but it was just an intuition I had. And Edward seemed to make girls, so that wouldn't be a surprise.

Edward treated me like fine china now which was very sweet and also a little annoying. Really, I could do things like carry some books. He was always running to take something from my hands to carry it for me and trying to get me to sit down or lie down and rest. I had never felt better, though, and loved to still take walks and keep myself busy.

Amy and Billy had come with us here to Ward Hall and were now married. I made sure they got a nice suite of rooms in the servant's quarters. After all they had done for us; it was the least we could do.

Esme had decided to come back home and lived with us while the dowager house was refurbished. She said she wanted to be close, but she wanted to have her own household. I knew she was just being kind and letting me be the mistress of Ward Hall. She had just moved in this week and seemed very content. I was very happy she was staying close so she could see her grandchildren and us often.

Edward and I had written asking Emmett to visit. We had wanted to talk with him and make him understand that we didn't blame him for anything. We cared for him and wanted him to be part of our family and lives. He was a good soul and was truly touched by this.

The girls loved their "Uncle Em," and he adored them in return. I watched him with the girls, reading to them or pushing them on the swing, and felt a tinge of sadness. I wanted a good woman for Emmett. He deserved someone loving and kind and children of his own. I knew from watching him with the girls that he would be a good father. He could never have that as long as Rosalie lived. She was his wife and divorce was unheard of.

He'd had her committed to an insane asylum. I can't even begin to imagine the devastation of that, nor how hard these past few months had been for him. Emmett had a quietness and gravity that he didn't use to have. After all that he had endured, that was understandable.

Alice and Jasper were doing well, but still no children. Alice truly wanted a child, and so far they had not been able. She was beginning to worry that she couldn't bear children. I prayed she was wrong and someday they would be blessed with a baby.

x~x

It was a gloomy, rainy day, and Edward and I were in our favorite sitting room, the blue one, when Peters came into the room.

"Excuse me, my Lord and my Lady, but there's been an accident at the mill."

Edward leapt up from his chair. "Was anyone hurt?"

"They were trying to fix the wheel, when Tyler Crowley slipped and fell, and I believe it's quite grievous, my Lord."

"I'd better go check. Send for the doctor to go to the mill, Peters." He turned to me. "I have to go, love. I'll be back soon."

I nodded. "Yes, I know. Let me know if the family needs anything. He has a wife and two young children."

"I will. You stay here and keep warm and dry."

I kissed him. "Be safe."

He kissed my forehead and left. I sat back down, trying to keep my mind occupied with a book, but it wasn't working. I was thinking about what Mr. Crowley's wife and children would need if he died, praying that he didn't.

An hour later, Nurse Brown knocked on the study door. "Oh, My Lady, I'm sorry to bother you, but…have you seen the girls?" She was wringing her hands and almost frantic.

I felt a shiver of terror run through me. "Excuse me? They're not in their beds?"

"I put them to bed, my Lady, but heard a noise and went to check on them just now, and their beds were empty. I've looked everywhere in the nursery suite."

I jumped up and ran to the bell pull, yanking it down hard. Peters came quickly.

I tried to say calm, but my distress crept into my voice. "Peters, the girls are missing. I want every single servant to search every room and closet of this house until they are found. Immediately."

"Yes, my Lady," he said with his eyes wide and tore out of the room barking orders to footmen.

"Come with me, Nurse Brown. We're going to search the nursery again."

We searched every inch of the nursery, but the girls weren't there. Peters had been keeping me informed via footmen, and so far no one had found any sign of them. Maybe they went outside, I thought. But why? It's raining, and they were already in bed. Why would they do that? Now, I really was scared. I must tell Peters a search of the grounds would be next.

I sent a maid for Peters, and he answered immediately. "You called, my Lady?"

"Peters. Send a groomsman quickly for Edward at the mill, and tell Miles, the head gardener, to organize a search of the grounds."

"Yes, my Lady."

He took off, and I went down to mine and Edward's bedroom to put on warm woolen clothes to go outside. I stopped dead at the sounds of sobs from our bed. I tore over to see Katie curled in a ball and crying, while hugging the doll I had given her. I scooped her up and hugged her.

"Katie! Katie! Stop crying, sweetheart. Mama has you. Katie, tell me where Adele is."

She clung to me and sobbed. "Oh, Mama! The bad lady came. She tried to take me, but 'Del told me to run so I ran and hid here. Oh, Mama. I think the bad lady took 'Del."

My heart was in my throat, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Adele. Someone took our Adele. I held Katie's face in my hands and made her look at me.

"Katie, this is very, very important, sweetheart. Tell me how long ago this was and what this lady looked like."

"I don't know, Mama. It was after Nurse went to bed. The bad lady came into our bedroom, and she scared me. She had long white hair and was dressed in black. 'Del told me to run, and when she went to grab me, she said she hated Papa and you and was going to kill us. I didn't want to leave 'Del, but she told me to run so I ran here to find you or Papa." She started to sob again. I picked her up and quickly walked to the door, hugging her to me tightly.

"Peters! Oh, God. Somebody! Come quickly!"

I was frantic. _Rosalie. That sounded like Rosalie. Dear God_. What was she doing here? How did she escape the place Emmett had had her committed to? And she had my Adele. I was so scared, I was shaking.

Jane, one of the upstairs maids, and a couple of footman, George and Paul, along with Peters came running.

"She has her. I think Rosalie has Adele. Oh, God. Jane and George take Katie to the nursery, and you two guard her with your lives."

"Yes, my Lady!" Jane said gravely.

"No harm will come to Katie, my Lady. I swear," George said. I kissed Katie's head and handed her over to him.

I nodded. "Go." George and Jane set off quickly for the nursery.

"Peters, take Paul to the armory, and get some guns. She's insane. We may need them."

"Yes, my Lady."

Oh, I wished Edward was here, but he wasn't, so I would have to do the best I could. Amy came running down the hallway. "My Lady, we thoroughly searched the servant's quarters and the attics."

"Thank you, Amy. I need my boots and woolen cloak. Now."

She just looked at me. "My Lady. You're with child. My Lord would not want you out in this weather."

"I said get my boots and cloak, Amy."

She frowned, but went to do as she was told. Another maid was coming down the hallway. Amy stopped her and said something to her. She nodded and took off.

Amy turned and looked at me. "I'll not let you go out alone, my Lady. She's gone to fetch my cloak."

I nodded curtly and let Amy help me into my boots and cloak. Her cloak arrived, and we went down the stairs, but Peters stopped me.

"My Lady, I must insist you stay in the house. My Lord would not want you to be out in this weather."

"Peters, I'm going out. She has my daughter. Nothing is going to stop me."

"My Lord will be angry. You could be hurt."

"Peters, you can either move, or I will move you. Your choice."

He held my eyes for a moment and sighed. He grabbed his coat and hat and tucked a gun in his pocket. "I'll come with you, my Lady."

I nodded, and he picked up a lantern and then led us outside. We began to yell for Adele and search the best we could. I could see the gardeners here and there searching as well.

Suddenly I had a feeling about the lake. What if Adele got away from her and fell in? Overwhelming terror tightened my chest. I took off running.

"My Lady! Wait! Where are you going?" Amy yelled.

I didn't listen. I just ran as fast as I could down toward the lake. I slid on the bank and fell to my bottom. I got up and quickly walked to the edge, wiping rain off my face. There in front of me was Rosalie holding Adele, who was beyond tears. She was white and shaking from the wet and cold and terror. I wanted to kill Rosalie.

"Give her to me."

She grinned, her face twisted into some horrible mask, and I had never been more frightened.

"No. I don't think I will."

"Rosalie, give me back my daughter."

"_Your_ daughter? She's nothing to you. Nothing at all."

"She's my daughter. If you hurt her, I will kill you."

Amy came up beside me. I took a step forward, and Rosalie leered at me. "Don't come any closer. I'll throw her into the lake. I swear I will."

"You will do no such thing. _Give me my daughter_." I stepped forward with my arms out.

She tilted her head at me. "I was going to kill them both to get even with you and him. But the little one got away. This one will have to do." And without warning, she turned and tossed Adele into the lake.

"_Adele_!" I cried out in terror and ran to the water's edge.

Rosalie grabbed my cloak and pulled me around and punched my face. I felt pain, but my desperation to get to Adele gave me strength. I punched her back hard, and she went down. I quickly unbuttoned my cloak and threw it down. I heard Amy scream as I dived into the lake. Growing up by the ocean, and with my father owning a boat, I could swim like a fish. But I hadn't swam or been in the water since the accident that killed my parents. Terror washed over me as I felt the water pull on my dress as the lightning flashed overhead. I fought it. I had to save Adele. Only she mattered.

The next flash of lightning showed me something white to my left, and I swam over and pulled Adele tight to me. She wasn't conscious, but was still breathing. Thank God. But still, I was frantic. The water was cold, and the rain didn't help. The weight of my dress and Adele was pulling me down. I tried to swim with one arm while holding Adele with the other. The shore seemed so far away. I was starting to become numb from the cold water. I prayed for God to help me.

Another flash of lightning showed Amy and Rosalie fighting on the shore. I saw Rosalie pick up a rock and hit Amy in the head. She went down. Rosalie turned to me and grinned in triumph. She knew I was losing the battle against the water and the cold and had no help. She just crossed her arms and watched me, waiting for me to sink, for me and Adele to die. All of a sudden, Amy popped up behind Rosalie's back and kicked her hard behind her knees. Rosalie fell into the lake, and Amy slumped back to the ground and laid still.

I didn't care if Rosalie sank or swam. I hoped she died. The only thing that mattered was that I had to get Adele out of this water. I kept trying to reach the shore, but it wasn't getting any closer. I was becoming very tired and sluggish.

Pain and despair hit me hard. _Edward_. To never see his face again. I would weep if I had any energy left to do so. I felt us start to sink. I guessed in some way I always knew that the water would take me. You can't fight fate. Perhaps it was time to let go. I closed my eyes and held Adele tightly praying for a quick death.

A strong pair of arms wrapped around me and Adele.

"I've got you, love. You hold Adele. You stay with me, Bella. _You stay with me_," Edward said fiercely.

I nodded with horrible cold shakes and chattering teeth.

_Edward was here. Edward would save us._

He quickly swam us to shore and pulled us out of the water. He lifted me with Adele in my arms and started up the bank to the Hall. Peters came running.

"Go get Amy. She's been hurt, and then get the doctor immediately after, Peters. He's at the Crowley's." Edward barked out these orders harshly.

I was so cold and drowsy. Edward kissed my head. "You're going to be all right, my love. I've got you. Adele will be all right, too. I've got you both." He said this as if saying it would make it so.

He entered the kitchen door for the Hall and started barking orders for two hot baths, changes of clothes for me and Adele, blankets, and tea. Servants scattered and hurriedly did as instructed. Adele was taken from me, and I sobbed.

"It's fine, love. They're going to warm her up and take care of her. I'm going to take care of you."

He quickly got me out of my dress and boots and set me in the warm tub in my shift. My shakes began to subside, and I felt sleepy. I placed a hand on my belly. I prayed I hadn't hurt the baby. In answer to my prayer, I felt a tiny kick against my hand. _Thank you, God_.

Adele roused after her bath and took some tea and was carried up to bed. Edward dressed me and gave me tea, wrapped me in a blanket, and carried me up to our bed.

"Adele and Katie. I want them with me, Edward. I _need_ them close to me. We almost lost them," I said almost in tears.

He laid me on our bed. "I'll bring them, my love."

He turned to a hovering maid and gave her instructions. Not long after, Nurse Brown and Jane came in each carrying a girl.

"Lay them on the bed and leave us," I said.

"Yes, my Lady," Nurse Brown said. They went out and closed the door.

I lay down on my side and pulled Adele against me. Katie snuggled on Adele's other side. Edward went and changed into dry clothing and lay down on his side, facing me and touched Katie's face and then Adele's, skimmed his hand on my belly, and then gently skimmed his fingers on my face. We did not speak. We did not need to. We just held each other's eyes. We knew what we had almost lost this night.

I touched my belly, feeling our baby move, and then I, too, gently touched each girl's face and then Edward's. Everything I ever wanted or needed was right here.

My family.

My life.

My blessings.

My heart.

~x~

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**And this was the last chapter. There's an Emmett outtake next and the epilogue. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for all the reviews and kind words. **

**Much love,**

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	26. Second chances

**Here's a little treat. I couldn't leave Emmett like that. I thought he deserved a happy ending. Hope you enjoy this.**

**Thank you my sweet beta Rhi and all my readers. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I own the contents of this story.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Chapter 25: Second Chances**

**Emmett **

The well sprung carriage rolled along smoothly. I stared out the window and watched the landscape go by. The request for a visit with Edward and Bella had been received, and I was more than happy to accept. I loved to visit them often. They were a happy bunch and lightened my mood every time.

Truth be told, I was lonely. No wife and no children. That was a blessing, though. Rosalie. She had made my life a living hell, and almost ruined Edward and Isabella's as well. Almost took little Adele's and Isabella's life. I shuddered in horror at the thought. She drowned that night she had tried to kill them, and truthfully, I was glad of it.

I should hate her, but what a waste of energy to hate a dead woman. I was glad she and I never had any offspring. They might have inherited their mother's madness. For surely, she had been insane. Why couldn't I have seen it sooner? It wasn't until two years into our marriage that she began to show signs of madness. That one drunken night that I had confided in her about Carlisle was a mistake that that not only I, but Edward and his whole family, had paid the price for. I couldn't apologize enough to them. They were kind and did not blame me, but I still blamed myself.

I was glad of this diversion. It would be good to see Edward, Isabella, the girls, and the new baby, Charlotte. Isabella was increasing again. Edward sure was keeping her busy in the bedroom, I thought with a slight grin. I was glad of his happiness. Edward was a deep soul. Truly a good man who had gotten lost somewhere in his youth and needed something to get him back on track. That catalyst may have been Carlisle's death, but Isabella ran him with a firm hand, and he was more than glad to be led. He knew how fortunate he was to be wed to her. She was good, vivacious, kind, fun, and strong-willed. I hoped to someday find a woman half as good as Isabella. I would be blessed indeed.

Just then the carriage stopped. The driver hopped down and opened the door. "My Lord, there's been a carriage accident up ahead."

I nodded and hopped out. I quickly walked up the carriage lying on its side. I crawled up on top and got the door opened. I was greeted with a very shapely pair of legs kicking, trying to right themselves.

"Hello. Are you hurt?"

Finally righting herself, she struggled around to face me and push her hat off her head. She looked up and met my eyes, and my heart stopped. She was beautiful. So beautiful that I could only stare. She had hair so dark it must be black, a small face, with a bow-shaped pink mouth, a tiny pert, slightly upturned nose, and the most amazing eyes I had ever seen. They were the color of crushed violets, and I could only look into those eyes and recognize myself in their depths.

Everything in me told me this is _the one_. The one I had been waiting for my whole life. I prayed she was a good woman and unattached for I surely was going to make this exquisite creature mine.

She spoke then in a soft Irish lilt, and I knew then that I was done. I swear it sounded like singing when she spoke. "I do believe nothing more is hurt than my pride. Goodness. You've seen more of me than is proper, to be sure." Then she grinned and winked at me.

I grinned back. She was a saucy one. Now, she was perfect. I reached in a hand to help her out.

"I really do believe that this has been the highlight of my month. Allow me to help you out, and I'll transport you wherever you wish to go, beautiful lady."

I reached in, and grasping her under her arms, pulled her out of the sideways carriage. I held her tight to me, which I enjoyed very much, and slid down the carriage, setting my feet on the ground. I set her down, but my hands remained on her waist.

"Oh, heavens! You're quite strong. I'm not a small woman."

She was right. She was not a tiny woman. She stood almost to my shoulder, and I was a tall man. She also had some flesh on her bones. She was all curves and softness, and I wanted to run my hands over that soft body. Rosalie had been thin to the point of boniness, and truthfully, I preferred a woman with a bit of something to her.

Who was this woman? I must know. She was perfect.

I kept holding her, my hands on her waist, even though this was highly improper and servants were about us.

"Sir, I do believe you should let me go now, don't you?" She gave me an amused look and raised an eyebrow.

I just held her eyes and then nodded. I reluctantly stepped back and let her go. I bowed to her.

"Emmett McCarty, Lord Ware at your service, Miss."

She did a quick curtsy.

"Nice to meet you, Lord Ware. I'm Margaret O'Brien. Oh, you're a cousin of my cousin's husband, Lord Cullen! Isabella has mentioned you several times in her letters."

"Meg? You're her cousin Meg? The one of endless mishaps?" I asked her with a grin.

What a coincidence. Isabella had been conversing with her cousin in Ireland for some time and was always telling amusing stories from her letters. Apparently, she was quite a character.

"Yes, that's me. I see Isabella has been telling some of my stories for you to know me and grin. I always seem to find trouble. My intentions are good, and then, mercy, I find myself in some predicament." She sighed. "Well, what's one to do? Go on and laugh about it. Like this. As long as no one got hurt, then this is just another of my adventures."

"What about meeting me?" I asked before thinking.

She looked into my eyes. Those violet eyes seemed to be taking my measure, and then she bestowed upon me a slow growing smile. "I do believe that you may be my greatest adventure yet."

She just held my eyes, and I suddenly knew. Whatever path led us here at the same time, it was meant to be. Whatever I had to do to win this woman's affections, it would be worth it.

"That is my greatest desire, Miss O'Brien."

She blushed and looked away.

"Are you on your way to Ward Hall?"

"Yes."

"Well, then this is a happy coincidence. I was on my way there for a visit as well. It would be my honor to escort you there."

"That would be lovely."

She didn't stand on ceremony and didn't use my address. I liked that. No wonder she was always getting into mishaps if she ignored basic social customs. I found her to be quite charming and refreshing. No dull society miss was she. No, she was…interesting. I was going to enjoy this carriage ride very much. We still had four hours to go, and I looked forward to this time with just her and me eagerly.

The footman retrieved her trunk and crawled in and retrieved her items from the carriage. Her carriage driver said he and his footmen would take the horses to a local inn and right the carriage and get the wheel fixed. We left them to it and set off for Ward Hall.

We were quiet at first, and then I asked her about her home and family. She spoke quite animatedly about her life there, but I could sense sadness when she spoke about home as well.

"You speak only of your family. Were there no suitors for your hand? A woman as lovely as you must have had them by the dozens."

She looked away out the carriage window. "There was a man. Tom. Tom Kelly. He courted me and proposed to me. And then he went off and married another. My younger sister Colleen, to be precise."

She said that without emotion, but I could tell it cut deeply. To be rejected for her sister…no wonder she wanted to get away.

"Then he is a bloody fool for letting you go."

She looked at me, searching me with those all knowing violet eyes. "Thank you."

I nodded, and we were quiet for some time. She looked out the window, and I just studied her profile.

Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "Isabella told me about your wife. I'm sorry about that. About everything."

I rubbed my neck and looked away. "It doesn't matter. I do not care to speak of her. But…thank you," I said quietly.

She gave me a soft look as if she could look into me and see the great suffering I carried over Rosalie. She had been facing me on the opposite seat. She stood and sat down beside me, placing her hand on my arm.

"I, too, understand loss and pain, and I see you carry a great burden upon you. It won't last forever. You will find joy again." She smiled at me gently with a sweet look upon her face.

On top of everything else, she was kind. She was a woman to give you comfort in times of trial. To stand fiercely by your side as your ally. A woman to be admired. Protected. Cherished.

I may shock her beyond words, but I had to say this.

"Miss O'Brien. Meggie. You said you had a suitor, but are you spoken for now?"

She was quiet for a moment. "No. I'm actually here because of the intolerable situation at home. I needed a fresh start. I thought a visit here might help me gain a new perspective on life."

"That's very good, because I wish to be your suitor."

She was silent, and then she reached over and took my hand, slipping her fingers through mine.

I was surprised, but very pleased. I squeezed her fingers.

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "My dear Gramma O'Brien always spoke of fate. She told me when I met the man I'd love, the one meant for me, I'd know. The minute I met your eyes in the carriage, I knew you were he."

"Yes. I felt the same thing. I knew you were the one for me."

"Well, then, it seems fate has thrown us together. Whatever shall we do about it?"

I grinned.

"Oh, I can think of a couple of things." I dragged her into my lap and thoroughly kissed her.

I pulled back, expecting anger or a smack for being so forward, but she grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me to her for another kiss. We kissed for some time, until my body decided it wanted much more, and I knew it was about time to end this.

Meggie was the one to pull back first, and she gave me a saucy look. "I do believe, sir, that is enough kissing for now. Anything more and you'll have to wed me."

"How long will you make me wait for that?" I asked in all seriousness.

"Oh, at least a month to be sure. Maybe two. Perhaps six months." I groaned, and she grinned.

I pulled her to me and ravished her mouth, across her jaw, nipped her earlobe and down her throat. God, she smelled and tasted like honeysuckles. It was hard to stop.

"What about now?"

She gasped. "Three months."

I parted her cloak and kissed my way across her chest. This was getting to be a bit much for me, but I had to wear her down while keeping control. My breath was coming fast, and I was fighting a battle with my will.

"How about now?" I asked her low and heated.

"Ah…two months," she croaked out.

I parted her cloak all the way down and skimmed my hand over her thigh, up her stomach and cupped her ample breast, gently massaging the nipple through the material of her dress. She moaned softly, as did I. She felt like heaven under my fingers, and I nearly panted from the pleasure and the tightening of my loins. I kissed her deeply, my tongue loving hers. I had to stop. I forced myself to pull my mouth from hers.

"How about now?" I asked her roughly.

She was breathing heavy and had a glazed look in her eyes, and I desperately wanted this woman. Not just to bed, but to be mine.

"A month. Only a month. Don't stop, Emmett."

"Done," I said and closed her cloak and pulled her to me and kissed her forehead.

"What? Whyever did you stop?"

"Because that was quite enough. You just agreed to marry me in a month. I can wait."

"Well, I can't," she said as a pout. She was adorable.

I kissed her cute little nose and laughed. "Well, you'll have to. I promise to make it worth your wait."

She sighed. "I guess that'll have to do."

I smiled and cradled her against me. "I do believe Edward and Isabella are going to be very surprised to not only see us arrive together, but find out we're engaged."

"That will be fun. Mercy. I've never met them! Whatever will they think of me?"

"They'll think you're wonderful and admire your spunk. I do believe you and Isabella will get on very well. Let me tell you about their courtship and marriage."

I told her the whole story, not leaving mine Rosalie's part out of it. She was stunned.

"It's like a story from a novel. Did she really go to him? Do you think she seduced him? Clever Isabella."

I laughed.

"Knowing Isabella, I'm sure she did. She's quite something. Edward adores her. Practically worships the ground she walks on. He knows how lucky he is to have her."

"You admire her, too."

"Yes, I do. I love my cousin Edward. We were raised almost as brothers. He did many bad things as a younger man, but he truly is a good man. He's deep, tends to brood and worry about things that he doesn't have to. He needs a woman who will pull him out of that and shine some light and love and laughter into his life. Isabella is that woman, and I'm grateful to her."

"What a beautiful love story they have."

I nodded.

"Would you care to sleep? We've still got about an hour."

"Can I just sit here in your lap and you hold me?"

"Meggie, as far as I'm concerned, you can stay in my arms forever."

"I like that you call me Meggie. No one ever has."

"Good. I do, too. Now rest, Meggie love, and I'll hold you."

She curled into my chest, and before long, fell was deep in her slumber.

I smiled to myself as I stroked her arm, and realized that this was the most content I'd ever felt in my entire life.

x~x

The look on Edward's and Isabella's faces when we walked into the blue parlor was quite amusing.

"Emmett! Who have you brought with you?" Isabella asked me.

"This, dear cousin, is your cousin, Margaret O'Brien. She had a carriage accident. I came upon her in her time of need and rescued her. I offered her a ride here, and well, here we both are." I turned and grinned at Meggie, and she grinned back.

I looked back at Isabella and noticed a look exchanged between her and Edward. Whatever they were thinking, I'm sure they'd be right.

"Meg! How wonderful to finally meet you!" Isabella walked over and hugged Meggie tight. "Are you injured?"

"No, my Lady. I was merely shook up a bit. Lord Ware was my hero today."

Isabella gave her an appraising look and then eyed me shrewdly. "Meg, please call me Isabella. My Lady indeed. Come, meet my dear husband and tell us about your trip."

Edward kissed her hand and proclaimed her charming and then took Isabella's hand.

Meggie looked at those linked hands and blinked. People just did not display affection in public and certainly not aristocrats. She was going to have to get used to affectionate Edward and Isabella, I thought. They were always close and touching. They were quite sweet.

We all sat, and Meggie told about her trip here and made the carriage accident and meeting me out to the most amusing story I'd ever heard. She was charming and captivating, and I couldn't look away from her.

"So that's my adventure. My grandest adventure yet. Meeting Emmett and him proposing marriage to me."

There was as stunned silence. I smiled at Meggie, and she smiled and winked back at me.

"Marriage? Emmett, you proposed _marriage_ to Meg? _Today_?" Edward was a little shocked, but he also looked vastly amused.

"Yes, I did. It took a little persuasion on my part, but she gave in," I said with a wink at Meggie.

"Meg, you said yes?" Isabella asked incredulously.

"I did. I knew the moment I saw him that he was the one for me. We're going to wed in a month."

"Oh. I see. Well, then. I'm very happy for you both. Will you wed here? I'd love that."

"That would be lovely. Thank you, Isabella."

"Now, you must be tired and ready to freshen up before tea. I'll see you to your room, Meg. Emmett, I'll leave you with Edward." She stood and took Edward's hand and squeezed it with a fond look at him. She then walked over to Meggie and led her out of the room.

"Emmett, are you sure? You just met her this day."

"Edward, when did you know you loved Isabella?"

"The moment I saw her face. Then she spoke, and it was like music to my ears. I could only look at her, drink her in. I found her to be perfect."

"That's the same experience I had today. I looked into that carriage and met those violet eyes, and I was gone. Then she spoke a bit saucily in the Irish lilt and grinned at me, and I was lost. I had to make this woman mine. You understand this, don't you?"

He grinned and seemed to be lost in memory for a moment.

"Absolutely. You're a lucky man to have met the one for you. I'm happy for you. You deserve someone good and kind to be your wife. You deserve children. This meeting was a blessing indeed. Be happy, my friend, my cousin, and almost brother."

I smiled and nodded at him. We clinked glasses in toast to our lovely women, life, and second chances.

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**All that's left is the epilogue. Hope you liked this outtake. Leave a little review please and let me know lovelies. **

**xoxo**

**Sunny**


	27. Epilogue

**This is the end, lovely readers. I can't tell you how much I've loved this story and how sad I am to say goodbye to this Edward and Bella. Thanks for the love, reviews and support. **

**Thank you Rhi for your beta skills, encouragement, and friendship. **

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. This story and its contents however, are all mine. Please do not repost this anywhere.**

* * *

**To Be in Her Light**

**Epilogue**

I stood in my study looking out the window to the garden. Bella was out there with our family. I briefly touched on each of those beloved faces and smiled. My family.

I fondly gazed upon my beautiful angel Bella. We had been wed ten years, and she was still my miracle. I still woke up each morning in awe that she was mine. She was a little heavier and curvier now after carrying my four children, but if possible, I found her to be even more perfect. I will always find her to be perfect, even when we're old and grey.

My eyes traveled over my children and, as always, I was amazed at how they could all be mine. They were all so different, but, yet, family traits were definitely there.

My oldest, Adele, she was seventeen now and a serious young woman. She and Bella were extremely close. They had been ever since that night Bella saved her life. She was modest in her appearance, did not like fripperies, and liked to read, and discuss current issues, Bella's influence shining through her in that. She and Bella had intense discussions that sometimes left me in awe. Neither were women to be trifled with, I thought in pride and amusement.

Adele was quietly pretty, not a great beauty. She tended to brood like me. She would need a man who could give her laughter and joy and bring her out of her shell. Her first season next year was going to be…interesting.

Next was Katie at fourteen, our ray of sunshine. She was always happy. Katie was fun, affectionate, beautiful…and she knew it. She adored any and all fripperies and dresses and nearly drove us all to distraction with her fashion plates. But she also had the best heart. Katie loved everyone, and they adored her in return. I dreaded her coming out in four years. She would be bombarded with suitors, I thought with a frown.

I watched mine and Bella's first child, Charlotte, "Lottie" as we all called her, annoying Katie. She was nine years old, and she was the reason the Hall was full of cats and dogs. She loved the outdoors and all living creatures. She was always bringing home a poor bird with a broken wing, or a cat, or God help us, even once a baby pig. She had her mother's chestnut hair and my features and green eyes. She worshiped Katie. Lottie was a gentle spirit who could be hurt easily, and we all did our best to protect her fragile heart.

Running around tossing a ball back and forth with his brother was my heir, Charles Edward. He was eight years old and had his mother's hair and eyes. He also had his mother's personality. He had a quick wit and keen mind. He was good, dependable, forthright, and understood already that someday I would be gone and he would be the seventh Lord Cullen. It would be his duty to take care of the estates and his siblings and his mother. I knew he would grow up to be a fine man. He was so much like Bella, he had to be good. I had no worries there.

Christopher, or "Kit" as we all called him, our six year old, was another matter entirely. He looked just like me and unfortunately had inherited a good portion of my personality. He was always up to some mischief, dragging along Charles, Lottie, and even Katie at times. Him we would have to raise with a firm hand. Sometimes Bella and I despaired of what to do with him, but in truth, we both were, for the most part, vastly amused at his antics. He was bright, loved to sketch and paint like Bella, and was very protective of his sisters. He was also quite charming. It was very hard to stay angry at Kit.

With our youngest, Georgiana, I had finally gotten my brown-eyed, chestnut-haired girl who looked just like her mother. It was clear that our four year old would be a true beauty someday, almost rivaling her mother, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was the talkative one. She never stopped talking and asking questions. She was the most curious child I'd ever met. Her wonder and curiosity about the world and people around her never ceased to amaze me. She was also quite genial and open. Georgiana had never met a stranger. Everyone was her friend.

I grinned as I saw Bella scoop up Georgiana, grab Lottie's hand, and motion to Katie and the boys. They started dancing around while singing some song I couldn't quite hear. They even managed to get Adele to put her book down and join them.

Peters knocked on the opened door. "Do you require anything, my Lord?"

He was getting up in age, but still did his job taking care of us all. He stayed because he loved the family. I had offered him a nice little cottage on the grounds and a pension, but he said he'd stay a while longer. In the next couple years, he would begin to train Billy, or Collins, as I would have to get used to calling him, to do his job.

"No, nothing. Thank you, Peters."

Peters walked up and stood beside me, looking out the window. "I remember, my Lord, that first time you asked me about my Lady. I told you she was good. I was correct in that assessment. She's the finest person I've ever met."

I turned my face to him and nodded with a smile. "Yes, she _is_ good. She's the finest person I've ever met as well."

"I was worried there for a while, my Lord. I thought you might not do right by her or see her true worth, but you did, even if she had to force your hand. She's made you into the fine man you are today. Your father would be proud of you."

I turned my head away to hide my emotion. "Thank you, Peters. I have always endeavored to be half the man my father was."

"I would say, my Lord, that you have more than succeeded. Well, I'll be off to supervise the polishing of the silver." He went to leave, but paused and turned back to me. "My Lord, one question."

"Yes?"

"Why, my Lord, are you in here…instead of out there with them?" With that, he turned and went out the door.

I looked back out the window at my family.

He was right.

I walked over to the French doors and turned the handle and stepped out into the spring air and sunshine. The children noticed me, and the younger ones came running.

"Papa! Hold me, Papa!" Lottie yelled.

I picked her up, and Georgiana made a jealous face at her sister.

I met Bella's eyes, both of us laughing.

"Come sing and dance with us, Papa!" Katie entreated me, and began dancing around the garden.

"Certainly," I said with a grin.

Lottie wiggled in my arms, and I set her down so she could follow Katie, twirling around in circles.

Bella set down Georgiana, who went to join her sisters, She held my eyes, as she walked up to me, gracing me with a gentle smile.

"Hello, my love. I'm so happy you came out to join us." She put her arms around me and I hugged her back tightly.

"There's no place I'd rather be. I love you, Bella."

She placed her hand on my cheek and softly kissed me. "I love you, Edward."

I'm the most fortunate of men, I thought, with my heart so full it felt it may burst from happiness.

My overwhelming love for this good woman and our family was more than I ever dreamed of, and certainly never thought I deserved.

Life was very good for me.

Love, happiness, joy, laughter, contentment…these are not things to be taken lightly. They are, in the end, the only things that matter.

I gently touched her beautiful face as I gazed into those brown eyes, and again, thanked God for this sole reason for my being.

_Bella_.

Surrounded by the laughter and singing of our children, I basked in her warmth, her goodness, her love…and her light.

~The End~

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**Thanks again for reading. Reviews are love to me. **

**I'm starting a new story very soon, if you want to check it out.**

**Much love,**

**xxoo**

**Sunny**


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